Movie 28: Avatar in 33333333ddddddddddddddddddddd

I actually watched this yesterday but was too tired to blog when I got home.

So, the plot. See also The Last Samurai, Pocahontas, etc etc etc. A marine who’s been crippled steps, well not STEPS, wheels in to take his identical twin brothers place in the Avatar program. Scientist use genetically engineered bodies that are half human, half Na’vi to interact with the alien inhabitants of the world Pandora. For the scientists its to learn about the natives, for the company paying for it it’s to move there asses so they can mine for a precious element under their Home Tree, which is a big fuck off tree they live in. And as you can tell from the above comparisons, the marine goes native.

AND IT’S THE MOST AMAZING MOVIE EVER I WISH I COULD LIVE ON PANDORA I FEEL SO DEPRESSED IT WAS LIKE I WAS IN THE SCREEN HOLY SHIT

Not quite.

I will admit that it may have suffered a bit too much from expectation. From all the hype, I’ve only really seen one bad review from Mr Feetenby, I expected to sit here and say “next years project is dividing the screen in to 365 different rectangles and reviewing every aspect of the amazing Avatar”. While I’ll probably watch it again, the Blu Ray wouldn’t get worn out.

Yes the effects are amazing. To the extent where you have to remind yourself that it’s all effects and they didn’t just shoot it in a jungle. The FLORA effects anyway. I found some of the Fauna to still be a bit fake looking. And kind of unimaginative. Why the hell does everything have 6 limbs? That doesn’t make it more alien looking if you do it with everything. And what did the Na’vi evolve from? Cause they only have 4. If 4 is better everyone would be doing it.

The bio-diversity as a whole was a bit lacking, but that might be a multi watch thing. Before Jake walks in to the jungle the first time your told that “everything here wants to kill you”. About 5 things what to kill you. It looks no more scary than the Amazon, but bigger.

Yeah, these are niggles and to be honest I don’t have much more than niggles to complain about as it is a very well done movie. Maybe a bit hippy crap, but they do try to explain the hippy nonsense. There one thing that is a bit weirder in the particular version of the “white guy goes native” story than in the others. Why does Jake want to do it with an alien? Yes they’re relatively human looking, not bad to look at if a bit gangly, but they aren’t human. All the other times its been a person with different coloured skin, this time its kinda beastiality. And for all the people talking about the cut sex scene, and how they have sex with the hair connector piece which means they fuck they’re horses….no. They quite clearly are about to have normal sex, with an added neural connection element. Like telepath sex is described in Babylon 5. You people are weird.

Also, all the people complaining that it’s a scathing attack on American Imperialism, no. For one thing it’s a company, not a government. It may be a Blackwater attack, but only maybe. If anything it’s closer to Zulu as the natives hardly have AK47 and they aren’t suicide bombing or anything. Get over yourselves.

I’ll say this though, if Major Obidiah Q Hardass wasn’t the bad guy in the movie how awesome would that dude be? I can’t remember his name and he’ll always be Major Hardass to me. I’d watch that guy in 12 movies that he isn’t being a complete asshole in cause he eats lead and shits bullets.

3D doesn’t quite cut it for me yet btw. It’s hardly full immersion. It has edges. If it was some kind of VR headset then yes I’d be fully immersed, but I always new I was watching a movie. And sometimes there were fuzzy bits but that could be shit projection. I also had the same kind of headache you get after you’ve been wearing new glasses for a couple of hours after the movie, so be warned.

So to sum up, yes very pretty look at the shiny. The plot isn’t too bad but doesn’t re-invent the wheel (has some new ideas in it though). Some stuff seemed a bit glossed over (the end section, don’t want to give spoilers of the last 20 minutes). Not a best picture contender, but it will win for effects.

One last thing. Why oh why does the guy who goes native always have to be some kind of amazing saviour for the people they join? Can’t they just be a regular member of the society who can give incites in to the enemy they’re about to fight? Jake’s a Na’vi for 3 months and he’s better than everyone else who’s been one for their entire lives?! THAT is bullshit. Oh and if your gonna make aliens with prehensile tales, let them use them for something other than balance sometimes eh?

Right I’m done. Yes I did like it, all the complaints are minor ones. I’d watch it if you haven’t already.