Movie 21: The White Ribbon or Das Weisse Band – Eine Deautsche Kindergeschichte

Not entirely sure what the second half of the original title is, but it looks like “One German Kids Shite”. Who knows…

It’s pre-great war (hey I’m old and I’m not renaming it cause we had a second one, you darned kids and your ipod phone internets) Germany and a Doctor is injured when his horse is tripped by a wire mysteriously placed in his path. A few other people are also hurt in accidents or by being beaten, also mysteriously.

And some other stuff happens. What I said there takes about 90 minutes before there’s even a slight explanation.

It doesn’t really matter really as this is a thematic film rather than one who’s plot matters all that much. And the themes appear to be emotionlessness, child abuse and being boring as fuck. Also, slightly creepiness.

The parents here really are pretty crap when it comes to having children. They’re all very stoic, as are the kids to a large extent though that is understandable. Among the events of the movie we have a boy being tied up in bed to stop him whacking off after his father tells him about another boy who died due to masturbation. I’m not sure if that was supposed to be funny, but if it makes you listless and depressed, followed by violent and then dying with pustules on your face I’m doing it wrong.

The adults aren’t any better to each other either. The Doctor and Mid wife are having an affair (I was briefly shocked at one point as right AFTER the “you’ll die from wanking” scene there’s a behind shot of two people at it and I thought the dad was punishing his son) and when he breaks up with her later he tells her how ugly she is and that her breath stinks. Repeatedly.

All of my descriptions above sound like some quite violently emotional scenes were contained in this 140 minute picture. There aren’t. There SHOULD be, but there aren’t. It’s possibly because its German so I’m trying not to judge too much.

All the sites thought I’d LOVE this, I’ve seen it described as beautiful in a few places and the plot synopsis on IMDB contains a lot of questions that I personally feel were just never explored. It’s dull, dreary and flat out boring to sit through.

Yes, it is kinda pretty. It’s all black and white, though I’m pretty sure I’d have remembered it that was if they’d just left it in colour. But there is nothing ground breaking here at all, looks wise.

I guess I should have known what to expect though, as the first 2 to 3 minutes is silent white credits on a black background. Just as thrilling as the rest.

Arse. Though I may just be an uncultured oik.