Boom, kablowie, Robots, KAPOW, BOOM, SPLAT, SCRAP, KABOOM, ROBOTS, KABLAMO!
Okay, I’ll do it properly.
Lots of explosions, big robots fighting, Megan Fox in tiny shorts.
What? FINE!
At the end of the last film the Decepticons were defeated and went off to lick their wounds. However, some have been showing up and the Autobots along with a secret government agency have been laying the smack down. Meanwhile Sam wants a normal life and is going back to college. He finds a piece of the All Spark in his shirt and accidentally absorbs all of its knowledge. This gets back to the true leader of the Decepticons, The Fallen, who wants what’s in Sam’s head so he can find an ancient device that will destroy the sun to create Energon.
Blabbity bloo bloo. On a side note, why when I accidentally forget to put the apostrophe in what’s does spell checker ALWAYS suggest whets? I never use that word…
So the plot is a load of sci fi bollocks. But I’m actually fine with that. It’s a movie about giant robots that change in to cars and planes blowing the shit out of each other. The fact that there’s anything close to a describable plot is amazing. And I didn’t absolutely hate it like I expected to from all the negativity. It’s far from a good movie though, and it’s not as good as the first one.
One plus side is that the robot fights are easier to make out this time around. I could actually see who was hitting who instead of a big metallic blur with flashes of colour. Optimus Prime is a ninja bad ass huh? Good stuff. So that was all fine. And they obviously pay SOME attention to what’s said as Bumblebee doesn’t have a fixed voice box in the film, one of the big mistakes at the end of the last one.
But I did have plenty of problems, one or two went away after reading the trivia as I’m not a Transformers nerd. I didn’t get why Megatron had a boss for one, but that’s fine. The human form Transform is still a problem for me though. This film really does only have one failing though.
Where the hell was the funny? The jokes seemed to all be farting and leg humping. There’s not really a single laugh in the thing. And the love story is terribly written. I liked the banter in the first one, or seem to remember liking it, but not here. Here is Disaster Movie dialogue at its finest. Not the whole thing, just a lot of the humans.
There seemed to be a hell of a lot more Decepticons that Autobots as well which seems a bit unfair. Didn’t go for the generic warrior types either. If they hadn’t bothered with those it would have improved the movie, just make the Decepticons you use bad asses like the Autobots.
Pish dialogue, decent fight scenes, big explosions. That’s pretty much what it will say on Michael Bay’s grave. I’ll give him one thing. When asked if Transformers 3 would be in 3D he said “no, who the hell would want to see one of my films in 3D? It would make people throw up!” That’s paraphrased obviously. So fair play to you sir, and write a better script for the next one!
Next up: The Milk of Sorrow
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