A Slice Of Fried Gold

Movie 161: Choke

2010-06-14T15:17:00.001-07:00

Victor (Sam Rockwell) is a sex addict who chokes himself on food in restaurants to trick wealthy patrons in to saving him so he can scam money from them. He does this to pay for his mother’s (Anjelica Huston) mental care. Victor struggles to over come his addiction along with his pal and colleague Denny (Brad William Henke) from a colonial reenactment park while trying to find out who is dad is with the help of his mum’s new doctor, Paige Marshall (Kelly Macdonald)

That sort of sums things up without spoiling the whole bloody thing. Its based on a Chuck Palahniuk novel, the guy who did Fight Club, but the term for the adaptation is apparently “loosely”.

I haven’t read it and I enjoyed the hell out of the movie. The easiest audience to recommend this to would be people who like the TV show Hung. Outside of the obvious sex theme similarity, the tone is similar as well. Lightly comedic and a bit offensive for the sensitive types. If you can’t handle sex don’t watch this, and don’t watch it with your granny.

Rockwell impresses again in this. I didn’t realise until right now that I’ve seen him in more than I thought I had but he’s a great actor in this kind of role. The likeable misfit fuckup. Anjelica Huston doesn’t need my praise or yours as she earned her chops long ago.

Kelly Macdonald is lovely here and puts in a good performance with a spot on accent. I didn’t really realise it was her until I saw the credits.

And I’d be happy to see anything that teams up Brad Henke and Sam Rockwell as they have great buddy chemistry together.

While fans of the book might moan about the changes in the movie, as far as I can tell they are numerous and it’s a lot lighter than the film, the author obviously approved as he makes a cameo. The job these guys did is fantastic. They churned this thing out in 3 weeks and it doesn’t show at all. The performances are all good, its funny, nasty and could have easily stood up to an extra chunk of running time (say a weeks more filming) though that might have ruined it.
If you like a bit of edgy indie action you could do much worse. Even if it does feel a bit like an HBO show.

Oh, and a confession to make. I fucked up royally in my head and confused Sam Rockwell and Sam Worthington. And made mention of it in Movie 113: Moon’s review. Deric left a comment pointing this out that I’ve only just seen. So as an apology to anyone with a brain I’ll link his site:

http://pretendcritic.com

Nice to know I have more than 2 readers!

Next up: Hamlet 2

Movie 160: The Cottage

2010-06-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

Hardman David (Andy Serkis) and his weedy brother Peter (Reece Shearsmith) kidnap a mobsters daughter (Jennifer Ellison) for ransom money. Unfortunately she’s a bit menatal bitch with a mouth like a sailor and a head butt like a football hooligan. Everything that can go wrong does go wrong. Until you think more can’t go wrong. Then the deformed serial killer turns up…

Horror/thriller comedy action then. I didn’t actually know about the second half serial killer bit going in. It’s a pretty big tone shift though the comedy doesn’t go away even as the gore ratchets up. It’s also surprisingly clever at times leaving you to fill in some gaps with only small visual queues.

This is familiar territory for Reece Shearsmith as he was one of the writers/stars of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. The TV show, not the shite action film. It’s got a VERY dark tone to its comedy. I don’t know if it was anywhere near as gory though as I only watched the first year. I doubt it. Anyway he fits right in here.

Andy Serkis is…..well he’s Andy Serkis. One of the best Brit character actors going, even if he does have a face like Rowan Atkinson when he wakes up from a heavy night. He’s great as hard man David who’s surrounded by bumbling idiots.

And for a scouser who came out of Brookie, Jennifer Ellison is not bad too. She’s a relatively pretty face, nice bod, who ruins any kind of attraction as soon as she opens her mouth. Plays a mighty fine bitch though.

There’s a lot of screaming, a fair bit of blood, lots of nasty stuff and a whole bunch of laughs here. Mainly front loaded in the comedy department but they manage to keep some in the more straight second half. The budget wasn’t huge but the gore, make up and set decoration are all top notch. Every penny is up there on screen.

Worth a look if you like good dark comedy, as long as you can handle the blood and guts.

Next up: Choke

Movie 159: A Force of One

2010-06-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

Two undercover cops are killed while investigating the drug trade in a manner that didn’t give them time to defend themselves. The police conclude that it was a karate expert, and go to local champion Matt Logan (Chuck Norris) for training. Initially reluctant as he has a big match coming up, Logan decides to help and starts to investigate who the killer could be in addition to teaching the cops.

For a start the title is very misleading. I expected some kind of overblown Rambo style movie, with Chuck rampaging through enemies. This is partly down to me knowing Chuck Norris the meme more than Chuck Norris the actor. It’s not that. It’s an advert for Karate with a narcotics investigation wrapped around it, with a bit of a love story.

And it’s a bloody good advert.

We’re treated to three competition matches, or some of them anyway, and a couple of fights with some sparing/training in there for good measure. It’s not ridiculous action, only one of them is in slow mo if I recall correctly, and they’re all shot so that you can see what is happening. Good stuff, glad to see it. And Chuck has chops.

I was also glad to see that he isn’t treated like some kind of amazing action man. He takes some hits as well as giving them. This is a problem I’ve always had with Bruce Lee. He’s too damned good, or shown as too damned good anyway, so its no fun.

Chuck might not be the greatest actor in the world, but he’s passable. A little passive maybe. And he has a……uh “southern” voice (can’t remember if that joke is from the Daily Show, Colbert Report or Real Time. I mean “a bit gay”) which I didn’t fully expect. So soft spoken, don’t show emotion to extremes really, and pretty damned good at karate. I can live with that. Of course I only have the one movie to go one so far.

As for the rest of the cast, well their fine. There’s some decent banter, his secretary is constantly eating for some reason and the head of the cops is a bit like Lloyd Bridges from Airplane. I half expected him to be on drugs or something. The script and performances are a bit clunky but no more so than in other things of this ilk.

From this I would say that Chuck’s movies are worth a look at if you like this kind of nonsense. Not bad at all.

And I’m not just giving this a good review from the fear that the might Chuck will round house me through the internet. Honest.

Next up: The Cottage

Movie 158: Outpost

2010-06-12T13:17:00.001-07:00

DC (Ray Stevenson) and his band of mercenaries are hired by a man to lead him in to a war zone. They find an old Nazi bunker which contains one mysterious survivor, thought to be from recent ethnic cleansing, and an SS secret experiment. Why did the man hire them, and what the hell were the Nazis up to?

If I’d known that this film was about Zombie Nazi’s, kind of, I would have left it until number 200 to have some Dead Snow symmetry. This is very different to Dead Snow though as its far from a comedy and they aren’t TECHNICALLY zombies.

The Nazis make perfect fodder for horror sci fi films. Not only were they outright evil bastards, but they worked on crazy science experiments and dabbled in the occult. What you have here is a bit of a combination of the two with the SS trying to find some kind of unified theory machine that can make invincible soldiers. The science bollocks was a little vague by being overly detailed, and I’m pretty sure it wildly wrong.

Anyway it doesn’t matter as that kind of stuff is just a story explanation excuse. Like the dilithium crystals in the warp core depolarising the quantum matrix and needing an inverse tachyon field to fix them. Technobabble.

I mentioned Ray Stevenson’s name because he was the Punisher in War Zone, so he’s recognisable. The only other face that stood out for me was Michael Smiley who played Tyres, the pilled out Irish bike courier in Spaced. It was nice to see him again and he does a bang up job. All the main cast do pretty well. The band is diverse with a Welsh leader, Scottish Medic and Irish, African, Eastern European, and American soldiers. Possibly others, hard to remember. The chemistry between them is good, they have some actual back story fleshing out and the soldiering is above par for a low budget thriller. They communicate and movie like an actual squad. Makes a nice change.

An unstoppable enemy, some vague science and some well rounded characters. Can’t complain about that. While it is missing some kind of greatness to rise it up, possibly a bit slow but I honestly couldn’t put a finger on it, this is a decent way to spend 90 minutes. There are certainly worse ways.

And low budget film makers take note. They might not have had much, but its all up there on screen. As it should be.

Next up: A Force of One. My first ever Chuck Norris film (not counting Enter The Dragon or whatever Bruce Lee one he was in)!

Movie 157: Jaws 2

2010-06-12T08:53:00.001-07:00

A few years after the events of the first film, a couple of divers then a water skier and the boat driver are killed. Sheriff Brody (Roy Scheider) suspects that it’s a shark, particularly when an Orca washes up with big bites out of it. No one else believes him though, and when he spazes out on the beach he’s fired…

Probably some spoilers there. This is no where near as good as the original, but its not as terrible as it could have been.

Scheider’s Brody is a bit of a Captain Ahab character here. If Ahab had killed the white whale and they kept seeing white whales everywhere. He is right though. The problem is that we KNOW he’s right. We’ve seen the shark, we’ve seen it killing. If we hadn’t that might have improved some of the film. If we first see the shark an hour in and everything up to that was hinted but ambiguous it would have been very brave and clever. Of course we KNOW there’s a shark, or that there will be one, but did it do the stuff that the Sheriff thinks it did?

But they didn’t do that.

Jaws was the first block buster, and it shows a bit here that studios had realised they could get teen bums in seats. The main characters here really are the teenage Mike and his friends. It doesn’t really work as well. Particularly as Mike and all the guys seems to think the slightly puffy faced, weird nosed girl is incredibly hot.

What made the original work was the interplay between Quint, Scheider and Drefus. Only one of the three is present in this movie. Honestly, the star of the first one isn’t Bruce the shark. It’s the other pain in the arse from the set. Robert Shaw’s Quint is the most memorable character, a grizzled old bad ass. By setting out to net the kids the lost the heart of what made the first film work.

It’s not the worst sequel ever but it doesn’t sit in that rare category of second films that are better than the first. It happens more often than you’d think actually, particularly in the comic book genre. Tellingly it’s the last film to have Sheriff Brody in it which proves that the franchise probably had as many legs as the shark. Some film don’t need a sequel, Jaws was one of them. But if they had to make one, they could have done worse than this.

Oh, and Brody is the Macgyver of shark murder. You’ll see what I mean

Next up: Outpost. Not the Sean Connery sci fi flick.

Movie 156: The Warriors

2010-06-10T15:10:00.001-07:00

Watched The Warriors instead. Jaws 2 is probably next, or next next. Probably next.

A conclave of gangs is called in New York, and the leader of the biggest gang announces his plan to get them all together and take over the city as they outnumber the cops 3 to 1 (or 5 to 1, cannae remember). He’s then shot by one of the Rogues, who pins it on The Warriors. The Warriors then have to make it from The Bronx to Coney Island with everyone out for their ass. 8 against the city. Shits on.

This is based on an historical event apparently, where a bunch of Greek soldiers had to get home through very hostile territory. I watched the Ultimate Director’s Cut DVD so it also has a more obvious comic book origin, which panels interspersing scenes.

I liked that, it was pretty funky. Though it was a bit obvious that this was a later edition as the comic art wasn’t really period with the making of the film

Essentially what you have here is a John Carpenter movie that John never made. The gangs are whacky weirdoes, the tension is ratched up, the score is synth a lot of the time and it looks very gritty. And it’s a lot of a fun

It’s also a lot of cheese. Gangs made up of baseball bat wielding KISS rejects, punks on roller skates and black guys in karate uniforms couldn’t be anything but cheesy really.

As you can tell I liked it, but I’m not sure I loved it. While I might have recognised a few faces it’s a cast of unknowns who went on to be not much better now as far as I can tell. They were in this, a bunch of other stuff, but can go shopping in Tesco without hassle. That’s no mark of a lack of quality really, but there’s not much to blow your socks off.

It’s a film of its time, that looks and sounds like a film of its time. And that’s fine. The late 70’s was a good time for movies. As I said a few paragraphs ago its definitely one for Carpenter fans. And obviously Walter Hill fans as its his movie. If you haven’t seen it but you have seen Escape From New York and Assault on Precinct 13 then go check it. You’ll dig it.

But chances are you have seen it. And you get that joke.

On a side note, I think this would make a great TV show now. Kind of like Sons of Anarchy but in a city setting. Our gangs are a bit less civilized so it couldn’t be too realistic. Watching guys shoot each other gets dull, watching KISS with baseball bats fight dudes with afros and leather vests is FUN.

Movie 155: Gargantua

2010-06-08T15:43:00.001-07:00

After a series of tremors, widowed (that’s important) marine biologist Jack Ellway (Adam Baldwin) and his son Brandon (Emile Hirsch) go the island of Malau to see what the effect on the sea life has been. Turns out its pretty major as a trench has opened up and a bunch of DDT has made some salamanders grow. A lot. The little baby that Brandon befriends is fine, but 9ft big brother causes some problems. Which is nothing compared to what happens when mum and dad turn up…

We’re deeply in to 50’s B movie territory here. This is from 1998, and it’s a TV movie, so its not a Sci Fi original. If it was the Brandon would be a teenager and there’s be a lot of shots of women in bikini’s in it. What you have is generally a lot more innocent, and cheesy as hell.

I’m a big fan of Adam Baldwin. He’s probably my favourite Baldwin, even though he technically isn’t one (of those Baldwins). We don’t really get the Jane from Firefly/Casey from Chuck (weirdly Brandon references a dog he had called Casey like some weird cosmic in joke 9 years before anyone could possibly get it) or Animal Mother from Full Metal Jacket Adam Baldwin here though. He’s a nerd basically. His voice is even different. He has the chops to more or less pull of what is a Daniel Jackson-ish character but its slightly weird casting from the other work of his I’ve seen.

Emile Hirsch, who you may know now as he was Speed Racer and stuff, is a kid in this film. Proper kid, almost a teenager. He’s not bad for a kid really. A lot of his scenes are with an animatronic 3 foot tall puppet so there’s not a whole bunch to do, but he doesn’t suck or anything. And the two of them has a scene towards the end of the movie that literally choked me up. Because I’m a big pussy.

The whole thing is basically a big allegory of the father/son relationship of the lead characters which is relatively clever for this kind of nonsense. And it works at times without being too heavy handed at all. Kudos.

As for the special effects… Well sometimes they are actually surprisingly good. Longshots of the little monster in particular. I’m not sure if its CGI or stop motion, but its decently done. The puppets are a bit dodgy but also pretty decent with a good range of motion and occasionally good skin texture. Not Jurassic Park by any stretch, but they didn’t have the budget for that.

If you stumble across this and you like 50’s B movies you’ll probably like this. I love a cheesy old B Movie, so I enjoyed this one too. Don’t take it too seriously and you’ll do just fine

Next up: Jaws 2

Movie 154: Nick of Time

2010-06-07T14:21:00.001-07:00

A mild mannered single father accountant (Johnny Depp) arrives in LA and is greeted by a man claiming to be a cop (Christopher Walken). However, the last time anyone checked cops don’t kidnap your daughter and threaten to kill her if you don’t shoot the governor. Johnny has 90 minutes to either do it or find a way out!

This was pre-24 so doing something real time was quite novel there. Points to the film makers. Also its not the worst idea in the world. More points. And it stars Johnny Depp and Christopher Walken. More points.

Unfortunately it plays like a bad episode of Columbo. You know those episodes that are only really watchable because of Columbo? One of those. Remove most of the points.

So this movie is pretty pointless.

While it has a good cast, they aren’t given huge amounts to play with a lot of the time. It’s very repetitious, 90 minutes was too long for the material. And it shot like crazy with some truly insane choices made in camera work and editing. There’s a couple of dreamlike sequences in the last act that feel completely out of place. The camera occasionally has seizures and this is 15 years old so there’s no excuse as that hadn’t become a wide spread problem.

Depp is good, not one of his best but not his fault. Walken is Walken, and therefore a bit batshit which is fine. The cast on the whole are pretty good, even the cute little girl who isn’t in it too much.

It’s just that the film feels so lacklustre. The characters watch the clock a lot and so do you as every 10 minute block consists of Johnny Depp trying to get out of it and Chris Walken giving him shit for it. Repeat 5 or 6 times. Then it gets a bit more lively. There are 5 REALLY GOOD minutes towards the end. And your done.

Unless you’re a Depp or Walken fanatic its not really worth bothering with this. TV movie on the big screen

Next up: Gargantua

Movie 153: Diminished Capacity

2010-06-06T13:29:00.001-07:00

Cooper (Matthew Broderick) is a Chicago journalist who is suffering from memory problems after an accident caused by his formerly alcoholic friend Stan (Louis C.K.). He receives a letter from his mum asking him to come out to look after his Uncle Rollie (Alan Alda) who’s having some pretty major memory problems of his own and thinks the fish in the river can write poetry. Uncle Rollie clues Cooper in to a baseball card his grandfather gave him, a 1908 Shulte from the last year the Cubs won the series. The card is extremely rare so they decide to head to Chicago to sell it

This is a lightish indie comedy with some drama elements. A dramady. The kind of thing that needs to be indie in the US, but could be made by Working title over here. And its not a bad one.

I’m a Cubs fan. For those who know squat about baseball, the Chicago Cubs haven’t won the world series since 1908. That’s 101 seasons ago. They could change their name to the Chicago Next Years and it would be much more fitting. They’ve come close, but a couple of generations of fans have lived and died without seeing their once great team win the big one. Which sucks. A fair bit of fun is poked at the Cubs and some of the crazy fans. That’s fine. Hell it’s funny.

Alan Alda is basically in the Bill Murray role here. Though Murray is a big Cubs fan so I doubt he’d have played it (Alda’s character is from the St Louis area and therefore a Cards fan, the Cubs big rivals). Alda does a great job as the guy with the early, or possibly not so early, stages of Alzheimer’s that’s sometimes funny and sometimes not. Dramady.

Broderick does a good job here too even if he is looking pretty rough. That fits the character though as he is suffering from brain damage. It’s also nice to see Louis C.K. not playing a flat out comedy role, though his character isn’t exactly serious.

The film falls flat a few times and that’s mainly when its doing close to main stream moments. There’s a few whacky comedy and one romantic moment that would fit in to any old comedy movie, but it veers too far in to obvious territory and lets things down a bit. That said they don’t exactly detract from the movie, just feel a little lazy.

It’s not another Little Miss Sunshine, but it is a good indie flick. I’m pretty sure you’ll enjoy it even if your not a fan of baseball. Hell, you might like it more.

Next up: Nick of Time

Movie 152: The Shawshank Redemption.

2010-06-06T10:21:00.001-07:00

Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) is given a life stretch for killing his wife and her lover, a crime he didn’t commit obviously as everyone in prison is innocent. Initially the banker is disliked by the other prisoners as he’s quiet and aloof. But after a while he opens up to a man who can get things, Red (Morgan Freeman) and becomes well liked, setting out to expand the library and survive on the inside.

Okay so that’s not the whole plot. And it contains one joke directly ripping off the film. But you probably know what The Shawshank Redemption is about by now.

I certainly did. Or at least the last reel. This meant that I watched the film expecting something completely different to what I actually got, and that the last half hour wasn’t as twisty for me as it should be. That’s a bit of a shame really and it probably took a little from the movie but it didn’t ruin it. Its VERY hard to ruin.

What you’ve got is a slow burning life in prison film. A big character piece set over a couple of decades letting us get to know the prisoners and their lives. There’s not really any over the top prison set pieces, apart from anything else I think time was probably a bit easier back then as society was different. And the characters are extremely well drawn and performed.

Looking at the trivia on IMDB there’s a lot of alternative casting possibilities and I don’t think any of them would really have worked as well. Tim Robbins is perfect as the quiet and understated Andy. It could have been Hanks, but I think he LOOKS wrong for the part apart from anything else. He would have done a good job no doubt, but Tim fits better than Tom to my mind. And Hanks was making Forrest Gump so I’m sure he can live without being in this.

The joke line “maybe its because I’m Irish” delivered by Red is because the character originally was a white ginger Irish guy. Aside from that there’s little to hint in that direction. Now I will admit that Red probably could have been played by any number of people, though none mentioned in the trivia really excite me that much. I think things would have come out pretty much as good with Brian Cox but that’s the Cox of NOW, maybe not 15 years ago. Freeman’s deep authoritative voice and friendly demeanour really lend themselves to the character of Red. And when your film has a voice over who else would you like reading it? Damn straight you hire God!

Or me. I’m a good VO. Please hire me. I need the money.

You’ve probably already seen this. If you haven’t, you probably should go and do that. Btw I’m with the studio. As much as I like ambiguity in endings sometimes this one needed the resolution for that last little punch. It wasn’t THAT ambiguous…

Next up: Diminished Capacity

Movie 151: Ghost Town

2010-06-05T15:35:00.001-07:00

Oh god, I’ve stumbled on to another Syfy original…

A gang of bandits makes a deal with the devil for immortality, but the town gets a preacher (Gil Gerard) to try and stop them. Alas it doesn’t work. Cut to 150 years or so later and a bus full of a, I assume, college hockey team and the debate team mysteriously end up in the town in some kind of weird purgatory. Then the ghosts start killing people…

My theory that the Syfy originals are watchable based on the calibre of TV star continues to work. This is REALLY bad. Now yes, they have Gil Gerard. But he’s not in it much really so barely counts. Their biggest star is therefore Jessica Rose. Who?! Exactly. She was Brea in the Lonelygirl15 Youtube videos. Wow, big star.

You know when your watching a film and your waiting for porn to break out, but kind of hoping that it won’t as you don’t really want to see the people in it having sex? Not that they’re ugly, just that you don’t like them? This is that.

Tie that in with the fact that the camera man appears to occasionally have an epileptic fit, the special effects are a bit wonky, and the script is piss poor and you have another Syfy classic.

I threw up a little in my mouth typing classic there, even though it was in jest…

Next up: The Shawshank Redemption. WHIPLASH

Movie 150: Dragonball Evolution

2010-06-05T12:27:00.001-07:00

2000 years ago an evil alien tried to destroy the world, but was imprisoned using the 7 dragon balls. Unfortunately he’s back, and it’s down to Goku to find the 7 dragon balls to stick him back in the hole and save the world.

I am not a fan of the original Dragonball saga. I’ve never seen an anime of it, played a game or read a manga. So I don’t know squat besides the main guy having spikey hair.

I’ve heard that the die hard fans are a bit pissed off at this movie as it messed with things too much. I wasn’t though. Its set in the present future in Japanamerica somewhere and none of that is explained really. I’m fine with that. It’s either this year or after as a poster says 2010 on it, but the technology is way in advance of our own. The cities have a Japanese and American styling to them, and the characters are a mix of Asian and white so that gives some discrepancy to the setting. I like that too. Though I’m pretty sure its meant to be somewhere in Asia.

The story and villain make this sound pretty similar to Scientology, but the fighting system and beliefs of the characters are all about chi. While its pretty damned cheesy it’s not too bad.

The films main problem is that bits of it seems rushed. It feels like chunks, or at least nibbles, have been taken and the short running time would seem to support this. At times it dwells, in a good way, in others it doesn’t when you wish it would.

The acting all round is fine, occasionally cheesy but no more than a lot of Japanese action movies of this time. Same with the dialogue and they seem to be relatively consistent with the world that they’ve built.

Its not an amazing film, but it has some beautiful moments and I don’t agree with its detractors. Whether I’ll check out the original source, or close to it, anime I don’t know but I would watch more Dragonball movies from this team. Good if you like that sort of thing.

Or I’m an evil Blasphemer. Whatever.

Next up: Ghost Town

Movie 149: Rear Window

2010-06-04T15:22:00.001-07:00

Jeff (Jimmy Stewart) is a professional photographer who busted his leg taking a daring shot. He’s stuck in his apartment in a wheel chair while it heals, with nothing to do but look out the window at his neighbours. After 6 weeks he’s understandably a bit stir crazy. One night he sees Mr Thorwald (Raymond Burr) acting suspiciously and suspects he killed his with. With the help of his sort of girlfriend Lisa (Grace Kelly) and his nurse (Thelma Ritter) he sets out to prove it to his doubting detective friend (Wendell Corey)

Named a lot of actors there. Not for any real reason, just felt like it.

So a guy in a wheel chair perving on his neighbours. The ultimate voyeur. In fact there’s a bit of an allegory (hope that’s the right word) to soap opera viewers going on here. While its real life people that Jeff is looking at, it’s like he has a half dozen little stories going on. A low tech form of flipping channels. I doubt this kind of comparison is all that relevant though.

The side stories help to add an extra layer to what could have been a kind of boring movie. There isn’t quite enough in the main story to hold up to nearly 2 hours. And the way that Jeff, Lisa and his nurse act they DO come across as a soap audience, all be it one that gets more involved than just water cooler talk.

Jimmy Stewart is one of those actors who basically got by playing himself. Comparatively I’d throw Humphrey Bogart and Sean Connery in there. They aren’t playing the same character over and over, but aspects of the same kind of guy. Here Stewart is a bit darker than normal. I have a bit of a hard time buying him as an action photographer really, but we don’t have to as we never see him doing anything of the sort. It’s a great role to land, you just sit on your ass all day.

Grace Kelly is absolutely stunning, and in a lesser actress’ (and to be fair, script and director) hands that would be all Lisa has going for her. Hell, it seems that’s all the character will have for much of the movie. But Lisa proves she’s got more spunk than people give her credit for.

And the nurse is the dark comedy relief really. Saying the nasty shit that works without Hitch showing it too us and letting the audience fill in the pictures themselves. Some delicious irony is added for any viewers post 1980 as Ironside is the guy being investigated by a detective in a wheel chair.

It’s a well paced if not wholly gripping for me thriller story, as you’d expected from the source and great cast. The side stories are a good touch and you find yourself caring for the nameless characters who all have their own little moments. And we’re giving a funny little ending that wraps the whole thing up. Which is nice.

Next up: Dragonball Evolution

Movie 148: Paul Blart: Mall Cop

2010-05-28T15:18:00.001-07:00

Paul Blart (Kevin James) dreams of being a cop, but has failed the entry test numerous times due to his hypoglycaemia. He works as a Mall Cop, 10 years on the job, and takes it a bit too seriously. He’s also a single dad who takes a shine to the girl who runs the weave stand. When criminals take over the mall and hold her hostage Blart steps in to action to try and save the day.

Die Hard with a fat guy in a mall. Money please!

That’s kind of the movie in a nutshell. I was dreading this a bit going in. I like Kevin James, or enjoyed the odd episode of The King of Queens anyway, so it wasn’t really because of him. Its because the film looked a bit pish.

And the first 30 minutes don’t really do anything to change that. Blart is a bit of a Cliff from Cheers character, but fat so you can make loser and fat jokes. He’s pretty incompetent but with a heart of gold. Blah blah, no laughs.

Things turn around half way through though when he’s up against the robbers. Its all a bit Home Alone rather than Die Hard but it got some chuckles out of me.

Paul Blart isn’t going to win any non-MTV awards but it is relatively entertaining. They don’t strain any of the potential gags too much and don’t go for obvious hits too much. At times its actually a bit clever. It’s far from the best comedy I’ve ever seen, but I was surprised that it wasn’t the worst either.

If you come in from the pub and its just starting then give it a look.

Next up: Rear Window

Movie 147: Terminator – Salvation

2010-05-27T13:15:00.001-07:00

Judgement Day has happened and the remnants of humanity are at war with the machines. The leadership find a signal that switches the machines off, and John Connor (Christian Bale) sets out to test it. But the machines have something new up their metal arms…

As a slightly cheesy sci fi romp about humans and robots, this does fine. As a Terminator movie it fails pretty badly.

This is the film we’ve been waiting for for 25 years, ever since the Stan Winston effects had Terminators busting in to scrappy bunkers and rolling over piles of human skulls. Looking at the admittedly messed up time line this is actually set 11 years before that, but its still a bit disappointing.

How are the humans able to have such blatantly open bases without being molested? Where were the big tank machines? (I think you do see one, but you see more motor bikes) Why if its 11 years earlier are the T-800 already in the works? And why the fuck doesn’t this film focus on John Connor?!

In fact his role is actually expanded from what it was, but the film still largely focuses on Sam Worthington’s Marcus character. For no damned logical reason. And its why I say this works okay as a sci fi film but not as a Terminator one. While Connor is in this, he’s not even close to being the focus. He’s the B or possibly even C story in a franchise BUILT on that surname.

I’ve seen everything Terminator bar the tie in anime. The first two films are brilliant, the third is largely a pile of arse, and the TV show was damned good except for the story lines that focused primarily on Sarah Connor ironically enough. In fact it had my favourite scene of, I think, 2007. This one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jc6M4WBL6hA&feature=related It’s fucking GORGEOUS, and that’s a bad ass Johnny Cash tune.

But I digress. Badly as that TV show follows a separate time line and doesn’t match what passes for movie continuity.

I wish they hadn’t skipped the first 9 or 10 years of the war against the machines. I wish we’d seen scrappy bands on humans fighting against terrible odds to try and destroy Skynet. What we got was a combination between Transformers and the Matrix sequels. There’s still potential but I can’t see there being any films for a while due to the rights being all over the place/no where. Probably best to just watch the first movie on a loop and revel in its awesomeness. Not that this doesn’t have the odd moment

It just didn’t fill the gaps in between with the right other moments….

Next up: Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Movie 146: The African Queen

2010-05-26T14:07:00.001-07:00

World War I breaks out and the Germans round up natives in African, burning their villages to prevent them going home. A brother and sister missionary team are caught in the middle and the brother dies of a head injury. When river boat captain Charlie (Bogart) returns to check on them he finds Rose (Katharine Hepburn) alone and takes her off on his boat, The African Queen. She convinces him that they have to do their patriotic duty and head down river to take out a German steamer that is blocking the way for the British Navy, a journey fraught with peril.

Warning, mild peril. Some of it is major peril I suppose. Unfortunately the age of the film means clunky special effects for the rapids sequences, with back projection, a couple of grips shaking the boat set and chucking buckets of water at the actors.

Its not a bad film, but its far from my favourite with Bogie in it. The problem is mainly that there isn’t any tension between the leads for much of the movie. Bogie is at his best as a smart mouth smooth character, for me anyway, but he cleans up too early on and from that point the chemistry didn’t really strike me. Ironically this is where he got an Oscar, so what do I know?

And nothing against Hepburn but she’s pretty one note through this thing, well one note at a time anyway.

Because of this the film fell a bit flat for me. It hinges on whether you like the chemistry between the leads, and I wasn’t all that sold on it.

I am cheating a little bit with this as I’ve “seen” the film before. With my ears. In 1952, the film is from 51, the Lux Radio Theatre did a version of this and I have heard that version. The special effects problems obviously don’t factor in here, and the story is more or less the same. You can hear that in this episode of the fantastic OTR Swagcast by my buddy Bill Hollweg:

http://brokensea.com/otr/2010/02/04/otr-swagcast-episode-49-2/

And if you go to the main show page there’s more Bogart audio coming out with episode of Bold Venture, which team him up with Lauren Bacall. And you can get more Bold Venture at Misfits audio as well:

http://misfitsaudio.com/serialclassicradio.php

Next up: Terminator – Salvation

Movie 145: Snow Day

2010-05-25T14:28:00.001-07:00

A Nickelodeon original! Which could be just as bad a Syfy….

This is actual a couple of stories that intertwine, centring on different members of the same family. A teenage boy trying to get the girl of his dreams. His younger sister who desperately wants a second snow day, and has to defeat the evil “Snow Plow Man” with her friends to do it. A mom who works far too much. And finally Dad Chevy Chase, a local weatherman who is an actual meteorologist but is in third place, first being taken by a shiny haired shiny toothed idiot, and was first to see the snow coming after some unseasonably warm weather.

OH and a minor plot with the school principle being pelted with snow balls a lot.

Yes, this is very much a tween movie. For me the most enjoyable part, not that it sucked or anything, was the Chevy Chase storyline. This is from 2000 so its in that period between Chevy being a leading man and his sort of return now in Community and other stuff. Young, but relatively washed up. He’s still good though. My guess is it’s the agent that failed not Chevy as he never seemed to lose it, for me anyway. This is a Steve Martin type movie though, on a lower budget and with a kid that farts the same fart for no reason bar the fact he’s fat.

The teen love story is pretty outlandish but no more so than the usual fair on the channel that made the film. Trying to get the amazing dream girl, make an enemy of the douche that she sees most of the time, best friend is a girl who sticks by you regardless. If your over 14 you know what’s going to happen.

The younger sisters story would be creepy outside of goofy movie territory. Plow Man terrorises kids, kidnaps one at one point and is generally creepy. The kids end up acting somewhat like Mac Culkin in Home Alone, but in a mob. Either side would probably be arrested in the real world.

And the mum story is probably something that any working mother could sympathise with, and is a bit of a life lesson thing.

As you can probably tell this tries to be all things for all people to make a family movie that the kids, the teens and the parents can enjoy together. It doesn’t entirely fail, but its not smart enough to quite pull it off either. Not terrible, not amazing. Worth watching on a snow day actually.

Next up: The African Queen

Movie 144: Loch Ness Terror aka Beyond Loch Ness

2010-05-24T14:59:00.000-07:00

A young boy watched his father and some other being eaten by Nessie. Years later people start getting munched at Lake Superior. The boy, now a grown Cryptozooligist, goes to the Lake to take out the monster.

Another syfy original! This ones not terrible though, unless the couple of minutes I missed at the start were really bad. It’s also far from great.

There’s a possibility that the watchability of these drek films is down to the number of recognisable sci fi actors that are in it. This one has a whopping 4! At the start you have Doctor Carson Beckett from Stargate Atlantis as the father who is munched. A guy who runs the bait shop at Lake Superior is that cool scientist dude that’s in Eureka sometimes. His uncle is the Doc from Battlestar Galactica. And finally, one of the two cops is General Hammond himself Don S Davis. Thankfully it wasn’t his last film though because that would be a bit depressing.

A quick look on IMDB there tells me that the main guy, Brian Krause, was in Charmed. I stopped watching after the first couple of seasons so maybe he joined after that. Or I just don’t remember him. So 5!

I have a bit of an issue with the basic premise. I live maybe 40 miles from Loch Ness. Nessie doesn’t eat people. I’ve never heard of Nessie eating someone. Nessie is nice. For a plesiosaur. I’ve also never heard of her going on holiday in Canada. It would be a pretty massive swim for one thing. They are a bit smart with the fact that they used the underwater tunnel to the sea theory though.

The acting isn’t amazing, but its not terrible either. This film really falls down on the special effects front though. There’s a combination of practicle “sock puppet” little Nessie (she has babies) heads and CGI monsters. The big problem is that the two are different colours, the CGI being grey and the puppets being quite red. So the cuts between the two are far from convincing. Also something went wrong with the creature design as she doesn’t look right. The back legs are all weird.

Also, Plesiosaurs have big flippers. The monster here has feet. That’s not a plesiosaur then.

It’s somewhat standard slasher fair to start with, then standard monster movie after that. Nothing amazing, some truly weird weapon effects and generally sciency stuff that’s sometimes right sometimes really strange.

From what I’ve seen so far, if someone held a gun to your head and said you HAD to watch a SyFy Original you could do worse than this. But I wouldn’t hunt it out either unless your some kind of B Movie completist. On the plus side I’ve heard that Evil Beneath Loch Ness is MUCH worse. I’ll be watching that sometime soon btw.

OH and using Lake Superior as Loch Ness and then just using it again for the rest of the movie? Lazy and fuck. It’s not the worst double, but it’s too bloody small.

Next up: Snow Day

Movie 143: Rambo II

2010-05-23T13:00:00.001-07:00

Aka First Blood Part 2. Technically that’s the other way around

After the events of the first film, John Rambo (Sly Stallone) is in prison. His old commander offers him a way out by performing a simple recon mission in Vietnam to see if there are still POWs in an old camp. When Rambo gets there he finds some, but is double crossed as he wasn’t meant too. Which makes him angry, and you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

The first Rambo movie isn’t really an action movie. Yes it has action, but Rambo never actually kills anyway. That last line in the synopsis is pretty accurate for that film. He has PTSD and when they poke the bear he loses his shit, but only to the point of wanting to be left alone. THIS is a big dumb 80’s action movie.

Actually dumb isn’t fair, its relatively smart at times with Rambo using actual tactics to kill people and not just standing there with a mini gun mowing guys down and yelling one liners.

Though he does stand there with a mini gun a few times, he just doesn’t do the one liners.

As a big dumb 80’s action movie, this is by far one of the better ones. It has a couple of weaknesses though. All the “we want to be appreciated” stuff that Rambo spews is very heavy handed and I would think offensive to actual vets seeing as Stallone never went near nam during the war and isn’t a vet himself. That and the fact that his sort of love interest and local contact speaks in broken English but with a very good accent. They should have just given her normal bloody dialogue instead of doing that.

The dialogue issues aside, I enjoyed the hell out of this. Rambo blowing up a shit load of Viet Con and Ruskies? Brilliant. It was a simpler time when we knew who our enemies were. And the double crossing from his own side was pretty ballsy back then.

Btw if you know anything about 80’s films and don’t see the double cross coming your not paying attention. The helicopter pilot is the Sensei from Cobra Kai for fuck sake!

If you like big dumb action movies you’ll love this. Of course you’ll have already seen it and know that by now, it’s pretty old

Next up: Loch Ness Terror

Movie 142: Yojimbo

2010-05-23T05:08:00.001-07:00

Aka The Bodyguard

Yes this was remade, but thankfully it’s not that Witney Huston thing. I’ll get to that in a minute.

A ronin (Toshiro Mifune) randomly wanders in to a town that is being dominated by two gambling houses. He decides to pit the two gang lords against each other in hopes they will wipe each other out and free the town.

And it was remade as “A Fist Full of Dollars”. I didn’t give Mifune’s character a name in the description as he doesn’t really have one. Of all the Kurosawa movies I’ve seen so far this is the most Eastern, that being the name given to his films that are like Westerns, and its also probably the most dull. It’s still good though, just a little draggy.

There are a lot of mind games in this, which leads to not much happening a lot of the time. The film has two saving graces. Mifune, as always, and the fact that there is a fair bit of comedy in it. Genuinely funny comedy.

Mifune here is very much a Japanese Clint Eastwood, fitting considering the remake and there’s a fair chance that that’s why Eastwood was cast in the first place. He’s very much the tough guy as usual, but more vulnerable at times than he normally is too.

There’s also a guy in this who’s like the Japanese answer to Jaws, the Bond villain not the shark. Eerily so.

The main comedy probably comes from Inokichi, a fat guy with a mono brow who’s comical to look at in the first place. Which I feel a little bad for saying as its not that guys fault that he looks goofy, but there’s a history of that kind of thing in movies.

The main rival, Unosuke (Tatsuya Nakadai) is one of the films weaknesses in my opinion. He struts about like a big man, but he’s only big because he has a pistol. It’s the only gun in the film. I think its mainly down to me being prejudiced about the fact that guns are brought to sword fights sometimes that makes me feel this way though. The character fits for what he is, but he’s also treated with a bit too much respect in the movie over all.

It’s good, a little slow sometimes but not overly long so its not too bad. Worth a look, but I’d recommend the other Kurosawa movies I’ve seen this year first. Maybe not “I Live In Fear”.

Next up: Rambo II

Movie 141: The Untouchables

2010-05-21T12:05:00.000-07:00

Chicago 1930, and prohibition is in full effect. The town is more or less run by mobster Al Capone (Robert De Niro) and the Department of the Treasury send Elliot Ness (Kevin Costner) in to bring him down. Efforts so far have been fruitless, but after a chance meeting with beat cop Jim Malone (Sean Connery) Ness learns to do things “the Chicago way” and forms a small team that can’t be bought

Highly fictionalised, but entertaining and close enough to the truth. A film about trying to get a guy for tax evasion shouldn’t be all that interesting. But hey, there’s gun fights so its fine.

This is an oldie so no doubt many of you have seen it. And its been highly parodied. It does have a pretty star studded cast, or did for the time as Costner’s star has fallen pretty damned far in the intervening years. Back then he was relatively big though, possibly only on the rise, and he wasn’t first choice from what IMDB says.

And that’s understandable. If there’s a weak link in the main cast then I guess its Costner. He does a good job as the straight laced Ness but he can be a little on the dull understated side at times and a few of the other names that were bandied about might have improved the film a little but it doesn’t need much improving.

De Niro doesn’t parody Capone here which is good. He’s a bit too skinny, not enough time to fatten up, but thankfully he sticks with his own voice. It might just be in my head but I have a feeling that Capone has a bit of a distinctive voice. It works better without De Niro trying to do it as it would have come across more as parody than straight acting which wouldn’t have fit. We all know how good Bobby is at playing gangsters, and his range. Good job here.

Its also a nice performance by Andy Garcia as the rookie cop member of the team, an Italian from the south side with an attitude. I’m not a huge Garcia fan in general but he’s great here. As is Charles Martin Smith as the accountant who comes up with the tax evasion angle.

But of course the stand out is King Sean of Scotland. I think he might actually be doing a bit of an Irish accent when he’s first on screen, but that doesn’t last all that long. Connery is the only actor who can get away with being Irish, Russian or an immortal Egyptian by way of Spain and talk with his normal voice. He’s a bit of a Yoda like cop here who’s not afraid of getting his hand dirty. And a bit of an indestructible tough old bastard. I couldn’t picture anyone else playing this character as well as he does.

So it’s a good one and if you haven’t seen it you probably should

Next up: Yojimbo

Movie 140: Cleaner

2010-05-20T17:24:00.001-07:00

Ex cop turned crime scene cleaner Tom Cutler (Samuel L Jackson) thinks he’s just going to another homicide clean up. But it turns out that he’s unwittingly scrubbed a scene before any crime has been discovered. With the help of his old partner Eddie (Ed Harris) he tries to get to the bottom of who set him up.

Crime thrillers are ridiculously common. There’s a million shows on TV right now, and each one of them runs for years. So it takes a lot to make one stand out without the advantage of characters that you’ve gotten to know week after week.

This one isn’t exactly anything remarkable, but it does bring something new to the table.

First off there’s the fact that Sam Jackson’s character does a job we don’t normally see anywhere. After the CSI boys have done there thing someone has to get rid of the mess, and personally I wouldn’t like to do it. So we have a fleshing out of an aspect of life that no one really things about. Its not glamorous, but it’s a nice change.

The ending of the film, which I won’t spoil, is rather predictable if you pay attention but it also has a bit of a spin on things. I’m sure its been done before, but once again it’s a bit refreshing.

And finally there’s a couple of great performances by Jackson doing his thing, and Ed Harris doing his. The two of them are on form here so its good to watch.

The acting side is let down a little by Luis Guzman who has a bit of that stroke voice problem that I had with Mos Def in Be Kind Rewind. He’s just a little hard to make out sometimes, and isn’t really anything remarkable. Eva Mendes isn’t quite a let down in this, she has her moments, but I’ve yet to think she’s much more that a pouty face in anything I’ve seen her in. This does show some promise for her though.

It’s a good thriller and if you like them you’ll like this. If it was a cop show this wouldn’t quite be a sweeps episode, well it might be but that’s more due to the characters and their interaction, but it would be one of the good ones. If you see it coming up on the telly it’s a decent enough watch.

Next up: The Untouchables

Movie 139: Lesbian Vampire Killers

2010-05-19T15:59:00.001-07:00

Are they Lesbian’s who kill Vampires, or is it Lesbian Vampires being killed? The latter.

After being chucked by his girlfriend for the umpteenth time, Jimmy (Matthew Horne) and his best mate Fletch (James Corden) set off to a random country village for a bit of hiking. Unfortunately for them fate is playing its hand, as Jimmy is fulfilling an ancient prophesy that he can end the curse effecting the village. Every girl turns in to a lesbian vampire on her 18th birthday.

There’s a big problem when a fantastic film is very successful. A bunch of similar style movies come out and most of them are shit. Shaun of the Dead was the fantastic film, this one is shit.

The problem is mainly that it appears to have been written by a 14 year old. The humour is on the level of a bad Viz comic and rarely hits anywhere near funny. The acting is sub par for the most part and its MASSIVELY over stylised. Random flick shots are the order of the day, with some cartoon sound effects at times. It’s not funny, and its not clever.

And even going to the base level of the movie it disappoints as there’s not all that much hot lesbian action. There is some boobs, and girls kissing each other. That’s it. If you making a film like this you have to go all out and full seventies shlock horror or you’ll get no where. They didn’t go far enough, probably as it was too high profile.

If you’re a hormonal teenage boy, or lesbian girl I suppose, you might find something here. If you still like Viz even though its not funny anymore, you might find something here. Otherwise just watch Shaun of the Dead.

OR the superior Zombie Strippers. Another retarded premise, but its in part sexier and way better written and acted. That was a pleasant surprise, this is neither.

Next up: Cleaner

Movie 138: Horton Hears a Who

2010-05-18T14:54:00.001-07:00

Horton the elephant (Jim Carrey) is a free spirit, which gets under the noise of the Kangaroo that rules the forest. Just go with it. One day while Horton is taking a bath he hears a voice come from a small speck floating by. He discovers when he finally talks to the mayor (Steve Carell) that the Who’s live on that speck, and sets out to find them a safe place to live while the kangaroo tries to destroy the speck. Because if you can’t see, hear or touch something it doesn’t exist.

So this film is about belief, imagination and to let kids know that they’re important even though they are little. All good stuff. And by belief I don’t particularly mean religion, and I’m not sure if Seuss did or didn’t.

I’m not sure if I read any Dr Seuss as a kid but I’ve seen a couple of the films now and I like them. Not a huge fan of the ridiculous words but this is light on that, and the rhyming. I don’t think anyone could take an hour and a half or rhyming.

The animation is beautiful and done in the style of the Seuss books for the most part. For big fans there lots of things in the background that you can spot and get excited about. And for the rest of us it just looks great.

There’s also a lot of goofy humour in here as well as flat out stupid jokes. Jim Carrey obviously hams it up at times, even in an animation, but its good Carrey hamming opposed to the over egged stuff he can do some times. Steve Carell may have ad libbed now and again too, but he’s great as the mayor. And all the other voice actors are good too.

By the way, if your wondering how you can ad lib in an animation they record the voices first….

This made plenty of money so hopefully there will be more Seuss animations on the way someday. They’ve already made plenty of models after all. This one is fun for all the family, will have the kids rolling about with laughter and keep the grown ups entertained. Go check it out.

Next up: Lesbian Vampire Killers. So not one for the kids then.

Movie 137: Be Kind Rewind

2010-05-17T15:02:00.001-07:00

When he becomes magnetised trying to destroy a power plant, Jerry (Jack Black) accidentally wipes every tape in Mr Fletcher’s (Danny Glover) store. Mr Fletcher is away, so Jerry and Mike (Mos Def) hit upon the idea of remaking the movies themselves to get out of trouble. These “Sweded” movies are a massive hit, so they keep making more

I don’t know exactly what it is, but this film is lacking in something. Its good, its funny (particularly the sweding) and its for the most part well acted. The one weak link in the acting is Mos Def who sounds likes he’s had a stroke or something most of the time, but even that doesn’t really ruin the movie.

Guess its some jena se qua.

So its not brilliant, but its is decent and worth watching. Though the ending is fairly ambiguous.

I’ve already commented on whats up with Mos Def. It seems to be a character choice as he doesn’t always talk in a mumbly style, but maybe he just needs to put in a lot of effort to enunciate.

Jack Black is perfect for this kind of movie. He gets to be flamboyant and daft and hits whenever he is on screen. He’s the defacto star of the sweded movies, and with good reason.

And Danny Glover shines well too as the old guy who owns the store and struggles to keep up with the times.

I’d give this a look, but like I said its missing something. And you could always just have a look on You Tube for the various sweded movies that people made around the time of release as some of them could be good.

Next up: Horton Hears A Who

Movie 136: Star Wars: The Clone Wars

2010-05-16T15:06:00.001-07:00

Set between episodes 2 and 3, the Galactic Civil War is raging on. To secure routes in the Outer Rim the Jedi need a treaty with Jabba the Hutt. Jabba’s son has been kidnapped, so Obi Wan, Anakin and his new Padawan Ahsoka set out to rescue the baby Hutt while the Seperatists try to stop them.

If you don’t know your Star Wars that’s a big load of bollocks I just typed there. I do know my Star Wars though. I used to be one of the worlds biggest Star Wars nerds. Not so much anymore, but the knowledge stays with you. And I really like the expanded universe stuff. A lot of it is really well written, better than Lucas churned out anyway.

I’ve actually watched quite a lot of the TV cartoon that this movie sets up and personally I think its really good. It’s well written for the most part and surprisingly grown up. I’d avoided the movie as I’d heard its ass.

It’s not.

Well not if you like the cartoon. There are issues with it. I don’t like that Ahsoka calls R2 “Artooey”. Artoo is a knickname already dammit. And Zero the Hutt is annoying as hell. I don’t like the Hutt version of Truman Capote.

This isn’t quite up there with the best episodes of the show, but its up there with the second best ones. The little Hutt is kind of cute and you don’t have a thousand fart gags like I dreaded going in. The action is very very well done, there’s great lightsaber battles and the dialogue isn’t too clunky.

The safest thing to do if you’re a Star Wars fan who’s not too hot on the idea would be to check out one of the cartoon episodes as this is basically like mainlining 4 or 5 of them. Avoid the ones with Jar Jar in though, there’s not many. If you like that, you’ll like this.

I do recommend it, but probably only for fans of a galaxy far, far away. Who aren’t “Original Trilogy and nothing else” purists.

Next up: Be Kind Rewind

Movie 135: Race To Witch Mountain

2010-05-15T18:22:00.001-07:00

An UFO crashes and the government races to get there, but whoever was inside appears to have escaped. Meanwhile mob driver turned legit taxi driver Jack Bruno (Dwayne Johnson) finds himself stuck with a couple of mysterious kids with a wad of bills in the back of his cab. Turns out the kids are the aliens and the Rock is in a world of shit.

Got bored synopsising

Right, so this is a remake of an older Disney movie that I have never seen. Not sure why, never really got around to it. And for years I didn’t know it was about aliens. I mean really, WITCH mountain?! There’s not a million other mountain names they could have used? Marketing must have had a hell of a time trying to sort that one out.

Dodgy mountain names aside this isn’t too bad a family adventure movie. But its not great either. I’m not sure why, there’s nothing wrong with it really. The kids are nice enough and they don’t overdo the fact that they are aliens. The plot motivations make enough sense. And I happen to think The Rock is a decent actor. He has a few flubs here and there with this, but pretty much everyone has a little stumble. It’s hardly Shakespeare.

The government types aren’t completely bumbling, but they aren’t as awesome as they should be. And while this does revolve around an UFO convention in Vegas I’m not offended in the least by the fact that most of the people focused on are weirdos. It’s an UFO convention, not a sci fi con. Most of those people ARE weirdos.

Spell checker is telling me its weirdoes. Don’t think so. Feels weird typing AN UFO as well but its correct!

Anywho, you could do worse with the older kids than watch this on a rainy afternoon. Its not going to win any awards for best family movie ever but its not really a stinker either.

Oh and our Puffy Faced Hero from Infestation is in this as one of the government guys. It wasn’t just that film, the guys a bit shit.

Next up: Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Movie 134: Franklyn

2010-05-15T05:42:00.001-07:00

Nicking the IMDB synopsis:

Preest is a masked vigilante detective, searching for his nemesis on the streets of Meanwhile City, a monolithic fantasy metropolis ruthlessly governed by faith and religious fervor. Esser is a broken man, searching for his wayward son amongst the rough streets of London's homeless. Milo is a heartbroken thirty-something desperately trying to find a way back to the purity of first love. Emilia is a beautiful art student; her suicidal art projects are becoming increasingly more complex and deadly.

That’s more or less right. Lets take apart the 4 stories individually. Over all this film is pretty crap, the way it all comes together is part clever part blatant coincidence so its easier to treat these as disparate movies though I’ll try and avoid spoilers.

The Meanwhile City story fails because its trying to be clever with the religious satire, but never quite gets there. Preest seems to be an attempt at doing a hero in the style of The Shadow. But we never quite get why he’s meant to be so awesome. It’s like the second film in a franchise, without the set up. This does make sense in the end, but takes quite a while to get there. It looks very weird and it’s a detailed looking city, but never connects with the real world (well does eventually). As this was largely billed as being a joined story between the two worlds that really sucks. The way its structured its like seeing The Matrix and The Real intertwined with no explanation, incomprehensible bollocks.

Esser’s story is pretty decent, but no where near as harsh as the description makes it sound. Remember that its roughly 20 minutes tops of actual film time. Basically we have an old man popping in to some places trying to find his son with a picture. We know his son is in prison or a nut house and is getting a day release. That’s it. Not all that compelling, not terrible in its own right.

Milo’s story would be the most interesting on its own in a short film. He’s just been left at the alter and is trying to come to terms with that. He spots a girl from his youth, or thinks he does, and looks her up. Then there’s a big twist that’s actually pretty decent. However the story in itself, outside of coincidence, doesn’t connect up with the others in any major way.

And finally Emilia. She’s not bad looking, but that’s irrelevant. You know the 99% of people on Deviant art who write bad poetry about cutting and take “meaningful” pictures? That’s Emilia. She’s a bit of a pain, they give her a bit of an explanatory scene but its too little too late. Her section is all whiney emo bollocks and bad art. Barely watchable, not at all sympathetic.

And that’s all I can say without ruining the film. This isn’t really a fantasy film at all, though it has fantasy elements. It’s also not that well constructed, something seemed off about the sound at times with disembodied seeming voices, and its not as clever as its thinks. I’d give it a miss.

Next up: Race To Witch Mountain

Movie 133: Best Seller

2010-05-13T15:30:00.001-07:00

Dennis Meechum (Brian Dennehy) is a cop and thriller writer, writing books based on real life cases. Since his wife died of cancer he has suffered from writers block. Along comes Cleve (James Woods), a man who claims he was a hired killer for a corporation. Meechum doesn’t believe him, so Cleve sets out to prove it while the company tries to kill them both.

This is a rather generic 80’s cop thriller, but its actually rather good. Brian Dennehy is generally a likeable guy, and he comes across very well in this movie. He doesn’t have a huge amount to do as its really a James Woods show.

If you know James Woods from Family Guy, I don’t mean ONLY from Family Guy but the character he plays on there, he’s pretty much on show here. His killer is psychotic, insecure and lonely. It’s a great performance from Woods, pretty creepy and unlikeable at times, semi charming and quite decent at others. He runs a bit of a gamut here and lands every moment he has to.

This actually had a bit of a weird moment for me towards the start too. Remember the TV show Renegade? I really liked Renegade. And Bobby Sixkiller was pretty awesome. He’s in this towards the start. First time I remember seeing him somewhere else.

Anyway, this is far from a dark “Murder She Wrote” and more of a “He’s a cop, he’s a killer” buddy cop movie. Though dark rather than funny. If you’re a fan of James Woods, or you want to see why he’s regarded as a good actor, then this wouldn’t be the worst thing to check out. At this point it is a TV watch though.

Next up: Franklyn

Movie 132: Bachelor Party

2010-05-12T15:51:00.001-07:00

Rick (Tom Hanks) is getting married in two weeks. So his friends decide to throw him a Bachelor Party. Simultaneously his future wife Debbie (Tawny Kitaen) is having her Hen night (fuck knows what yanks call that, Bachelorette I think. Not a word). Concerned that he will cheat on her a prank war starts between the two nights. And while this is going on, the douchebag that her parents want her to be with is try to screw Rick’s chances.

For a start, when did Bachelor Party, or Stag Night, mean hookers? Strippers yes, but hookers? First time I’ve heard that.

I was hoping for big things with this as I think it’s supposed to be one of those 80’s legendary comedies. It’s not. It’s a bit shit. The film starts about 40 minutes before the party, so the build up is far too long. Yes there is some crazy things happening at the party, but as it’s only a small part of the movie in the grand scheme of things they aren’t focused on properly. And the bad guy is one of the more incompetent ones for this genre.

Tom Hanks’ Rick is a bit of an arse at times. He’s supposed to be a likeable goofball, and he can be, but he’s not written correctly and is just plain obnoxious sometimes. He makes zero effort to get on with her family. Hanks is still very good, it’s Hanks ffs, but Rick is poorly written. As are his friends largely. I think he was supposed to be a Ferris Bueller type, but he doesn’t have anywhere near the charm.

There are moments, a fight in a cinema towards the end is great. And the friend who keeps trying to kill himself in very incompetent ways is funny, but outside of that there isn’t much on offer.

Next up: Best Seller

Movie 131: The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas

2010-05-11T15:11:00.001-07:00

Bruno’s father is a Nazi officer, and when he gets a transfer to a new job Bruno has to leave his friends in Berlin behind. From his new window he can see a farm, and asks if he can go and play with the children there. He’s told no. But Bruno loves to explore, and he’s curious about why they all wear pyjamas

Yeah, you know what the farm is. I know what the farm is. Bruno doesn’t to start with.

This is a double threat movie really as its both heart warming and really heart breaking in equal measure. The friendship between a little Jewish boy and a little German boy who both don’t quite get how horrific everything is, though the Jew is obviously a bit more in touch with reality, is very touching.

Through the course of the movie we see both sides of the coin. The German’s who are opposed to what’s happening, and the ones who buy the “Jews are filth” propaganda. And we see it in action as Bruno’s big sister changes dramatically because of a crush on a soldier.

This isn’t exactly an easy watch at times, but its not as hard as I thought it might be. The characters are very well drawn, not really falling in to clichés too much, and the acting across the board is great. It’s also remarkably well balanced, though the only people who think what’s going on is wrong are women. Discounting Bruno as he doesn’t have a clue.

It’s a movie about friendship and the lies that parents tell to protect their children. It should also probably be shown to everyone in school.

Next up: Bachelor Party

Movie 130: Lifeboat

2010-05-11T12:26:00.001-07:00

A group of people from various walks of life find themselves stuck on a lifeboat after their ship is torpedoed by a Nazi U-Boat. Things are further complicated when another survivor comes about, but this one is German.

This is Hitchcock. That’s pretty much means it a good movie before you even start watching, and Lifeboat isn’t an exception to that rule.

I’m sure many people would be surprised at how harsh some of the material in old movies really is. Generally its thought of as a simpler time when people were more innocent and you didn’t have the harsh stuff that we have in movies now. Sure there’s no swears to speak of, or tits, but there gritty material here. Hell, in the first 20 minutes there’s a dead baby, an insane mother of said baby, and that mothers suicide.

Hitch don’t make no light movies.

Which makes this sound like it’s a nightmare to watch. Not at all, there’s plenty of humour and while a few of the characters are pretty broad at times they’re generally pretty fleshed out complex people.

I do have a couple of problems with the movie. I found the lead actress, Tallulah Bankhead, quite grating in a Kate Mulgrew way. That’s one hell of a name though! And Kovac, the tough guy played by John Hodiak, was all gritted teeth and barking for a while. Aside from that its also a movie of its time. World War 2 was raging, it’s a contemporary setting for the film, so while some effort is made to show a decent side to the German character he’s still a heartless inhuman outright bastard when it comes down to it.

Now I could see that being a bit different, but its understandable for the time. While it would have been ballsy to go a different way I can’t see audiences going for it.

This is a slow burner. The characters aren’t in all that bad a situation to start with, it’s a pretty well stocked boat, and things get progressively worse. Its well constructed, well paced and for the most part very well shot although a few technical limitations creep in at one bit towards the end.

I don’t have to recommend you watch Hitchcock movies, its Hitch for christ sakes. Oh and if your wondering how he got his trademark shot in the movie, he’s in a newspaper ad that one of the characters reads. Hilarious!

Next up: The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas

Movie 129: Semi-Pro

2010-05-09T15:39:00.001-07:00

Jackie Moon (Will Ferrell) is the flamboyant owner/coach/manager of the Flint Michigan Tropics, an ABA basketball team. He dreams big, but is living damned small. When the ABA is going to merge with the NBA the Tropics days will be over, until Jackie manages to work a deal that would see the top 4 teams join the NBA. All the bottom place Tropics have to do is make it there. And with the help of bad boy Monix (Woody Harrelson) they just might do it.

As you can see from the description above, we’re in generic sports movie or sports comedy territory. Some losers have to become winners for amazing thing x to happen. Thankfully this isn’t completely generic though, but it does have a montage. You have to have a montage. Even Rocky had a montage.

Will Ferrell is hit or miss for me, as you could tell from the Step Brothers review. This was a hit though. His movies work well when they’re outlandish, but not too extreme. He also plays well in the 70’s and when his characters can be flamboyant. Anchorman and Blades of Glory have proven that.

This is kind of Blades of Glory without the skates.

While I hardly pissed myself laughing through this, I did laugh many a time and I was entertained. It’s not a full on insane comedy like Baseketball, but it does feature the two outlandish commentators which are an easy way to get some great laughs in these things.

Surrounding Ferrell is a great supporting cast, featuring many of the usual faces for his films. A couple of guys from the Daily Show pop up in little roles, and half of the guys from Anchorman etc are here too in roles of one size or another.

Woody is more or less the straight man here, given a more serious storyline with him trying to get back with an ex and redeem himself for a broken career, the highest achievement of which was riding the bench to a championship ring. He’s a hot head, but he does fire off any insane one liners. We all know that Woody can be funny as hell from his Cheers days, but he’s a solid anchor here that gives weight to the sports story.

This was a top tier Ferrell movie for me. Not his craziest, far from serious, well worth a look. The main story is surprisingly refreshing, though still close to the generic, and the side tales are funny in their own right.

Next up: Lifeboat

Movie 128: Infestation

2010-05-08T13:15:00.001-07:00

A loser is just being fired from his job when a loud noise knocks everyone out. He awakens to find himself in some kind of webbing, and pulls another few people out before being attacked by a giant bug. With a rag tag band of survivors they try and find a way to beat the bugs that are swarming everywhere.

We never find out where the bugs came from, but that’s fine. We find out some stuff about them and there’s conveniently a few random scientist types woken up. That’s fine too. The problem is the tone.

I think this was going for an “Eight Legged Freaks” type vibe. Comedy b-movie fun with icky bugs attacking people. It never really gets there. The problem is that our puffy faced hero just isn’t all that funny. So tonally it fails, as it can’t decide whether to be properly whacky or serious.

All in all it feels a lot like a TV pilot that never went anywhere. I thought it might be another SyFy original but there was no warning company tag at the start.

The special effects are relatively decent, with a mix of practical and CGI. The acting is fine enough, though the writing is lacking. And there is one major problem. The very end.

Now I don’t generally like to spoil movie endings, and I’m not really going to here either. It’s a b-movie so you expect a b-movie ending. B-movie endings are those where there is an obvious sequel set up. This kind of has one of those, but not quite. It’s as follows:

The remaining main characters are on the street, one of them points and says “look at that”. Puffy faced hero turns and says “holy shit!”. Film ends.

We don’t SEE what the holy shit is. It just ENDS. I thought something had gone wrong with my recording. It hadn’t. That’s not a teaser ending, that’s a cheat ending. It was a final nail in the coffin for the movie really.

I wouldn’t bother with Infestation. There are better, funnier bug movies out there for you to watch. There are scarier bug movies if you’d rather see that. We don’t really need more bug movies. And this doesn’t bring anything new to the table. It’s not all bad, but its far from great…

Next up: Semi-Pro

Movie 127: The Rocker

2010-05-08T05:23:00.000-07:00

80’s hair metal band Vesuvius are about to hit the big time, but the record label has one condition. They have to replace Fish (Rainn Wilson) with an executives son. And they do. 20 years later Fish is stuck in a 9 to 5 job and still holds a grudge. When his nephew Matt’s (Josh Gad) band is short a drummer for a prom gig he manages to convince his reluctant uncle to pick the sticks up again. Fish showboats and pisses off the band, but they give him another chance. A video chat rehearsal with a naked Fish ends up being a You Tube sensation and the band are on their way to the big time.

There’s plenty to entertain here but unfortunately it falls a little short, and its not really the casts fault. The problem is that while Rainn is a little bit Dwight from the Office he comes across as Jack Black lite here. Its like they WANTED Jack, but couldn’t get him.

I have no problem with someone playing something different to how they’re known. And Rainn is great here but through the whole thing I kept seeing Jack. When someone is synonymous with a type of character and someone else plays the exact same thing the second guy is going to suffer.

Don’t get me wrong, The Rocker is a good, though not great, rock band movie. It has plenty of messages about bands being family, good music and plenty of funny moments. The whole cast performs well. But because of that major issue it falls short.

There’s a fair few TV guys here. Rainn Wilson himself obviously, Josh Gad was in the short lived Back To You and he plays a similar character here that he did there if your familiar with that show. Not many are, hence the short lived.

Jane Lynch pops up in a very small role and it’s the first time I’ve seen her playing a relatively normal character. She feels kind of wasted. As I said, stretching is fine. But Jane is damned good at what she does and it would have been nice to see more of her usual bitchiness. Pretty much anyone could have played her role in this one.

One very notable cameo is Dimitri Martin. I LOVE Dimitri. From his odd appearance in the Daily Show to his own show now, the guy is hilarious. He plays an eccentric video producer here and he’s brilliant in the little bit he’s given.

The Rocker is an entertaining little comedy, but it probably won’t be enough to make anyone’s favourite list. It’s no School of Rock or Josey and the Pussycats, two films it could be compared to in various ways. But there are much worse ways to spend 90 minutes.

Next up: Infestation

Movie 126: Star Runners

2010-05-06T14:41:00.001-07:00

Ty (Connor Trinneer) and Lei (James Kyson-Lee) are a couple of smugglers. They’re busted by the UP (space government) and given a chance at a clean slate. Pick up a crate and take it back. Sounds simple enough. But when their ship is stolen they open the crate and find a girl inside. The transport they hitch a ride on is attacked and Ty is forced to make an unplotted jump that lands then on a deserted planet with a secret. And some big fucking bugs.

There’s four words that warn any movie goer that what they are about to see is probably going to be a pile of shite. The first two are “Uwe Boll”. The second two are “Syfy Original”.

Technically this said something like “produced by the sci fi channel” but you get my point.

The now called Syfy Originals are films put out by the channel of that name. Generally they have one or two TV stars in lead roles and god awful scripts. They cost a fiver to make. This is no exception.

Our stars are the two guys I named above. The first, Connor Trinneer, played the engineer in Star Trek: Enterprise and Michael, the bad guy from Atlantis. He’s a decent enough actor and he does perfectly well here. A shining star given the crap he’s surrounded by. The second, James Kyson-Lee, plays Ando on Heroes. That’s Hiro’s best friend, the other Japanese guy. He does okay too but nothing great.

Outside of those two, and minor credit to “the other main guy who’s name I can’t find as I can’t remember the character name” and Toni Trucks who played the girl from the box for being not awful all the time, the acting isn’t too far off porn level. The two main bad guys interactions are HORRENDOUSLY bad, and much of the cannon fodder look surprised to be in a film and may be reading their scripts off the walls.

The other plus point that the film has are the special effects. Well, in space anyway. It looks a lot like the guys who do the Battlestar Galactica effects did this one too. That’s the same people behind Firefly btw. The look of the ships is reminiscent of those shows, and the space stuff has the same hand held vibe. Nothing to complain about there.

The bugs are a bit crap though. Nothing too terrible, but not great. And some of the set design is semi decent, the rest is terrible.

If this was spliced together cut scenes from a game I wouldn’t be too surprised. And they’d be pretty bad cut scenes. The film completely loses any semblance of writing in the last 25 minutes and just randomly has things happen with flimsy explanations. And the twist can be seen from a mile away.

It’s not the worst Syfy original from what I’ve seen so far. I made it through for one thing, and without too much pain. But I wouldn’t bother. Just check out Scanners instead. Or Starship Troopers. Or…..anything.

Next up: The Rocker

Movie 125: The Iron Giant

2010-05-05T14:48:00.000-07:00

An alien robot crash lands on Earth and is found by a young boy. The robot is childlike and can’t really talk, but the boy befriends him and teaches him how to talk and that its wrong to kill. With the help of a local scrap artist he plots to save his friend from a government agent who’s out to find him.

When you see the name Pixar at the start of an animated movie you know your in for something good. A big part of that is down to Brad Bird. Brad Bird made this. So you can work out the result for yourself.

The Iron Giant feels like part Frankenstein, part Short Circuit. Like Frankenstein he’s big and dangerous, but not exactly the monster that he looks like. Like Johnny Five, and this is a bit of a spoiler but also rather obvious, he’s a weapon that learns not to be one.

The animation style is old school Disney hand drawn, with the exception of the giant who was CGI. It all fits together seamlessly and feels like a much older film. The voice acting is all pretty much spot on. With the exception of John Mahoney none of the voices were too stand out, therefore drawing you out of the picture. Sometimes I find having big names providing voices for characters takes you out of the world because the animated character doesn’t look like the actor. Not the case here at all. And you’d be heard pressed to know that was Vin Diesel as the giant.

There’s a lovely 50’s B Movie vibe to the whole thing. It’s nice that alien technology always manages to be low fi when things are set in that era, isn’t it? It would be nice to see something that would be invading now shoved in to a retro setting, but you’d loose out on the nostalgic vibe.

This is a heart warming story with great characterisations and a slow burning plot. It develops perfectly from start to finish and you’ve got a tough heart if you can watch it without being moved.

No idea how this would play with the younger crowd, but I’m guessing this is something that would entertain the whole family regardless of age. Go watch.

Next up: Star Runners

Movie 124: Once

2010-05-04T14:47:00.001-07:00

A talented busker and immigrant woman strike up a friendship through their mutual love of making music, and set out to record an album of the mans songs.

That pretty much covers it really.

Tonally this could really be compared to Lost in Translation. Instead of two people who can’t really be together but you kind of wish would being brought together by being in a strange culture they’re brought together by music. And there’s a very important line that you can’t understand, or in LiT’s case here. Unless you speak Check.

If you don’t and you’ve seen this go and look at the IMDB trivia, it’ll make you smile.

I went to see a play a few years ago called The Sundowe. It was by a bunch of buskers from Edinburgh called The Martians, and it was a supernatural crazy farce based around their music. The Martians are fucking AWESOME and the play was great. Do a hunt for them. Actually fuck that, he’s a link to one of their videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRS-ut97hRw&feature=related

Plenty other videos on the right there. I’m not sure what’s happening with them, but I wished I had the money to make a movie version of the play. And for a review I wrote back then they still owe me a pint!

The film looks exactly like pretty much everything I’ve ever had a chance to be involved with in my life, so don’t expect super HD shiny quality. It’s 10 years ago TV quality. Gritty, fairly hand held, nothing overly flashy. When you have a good story, good acting and a fun script it doesn’t matter.

So here it doesn’t matter.

Much of the film is music, it is a musical after all, but not in the Jets vs Sharks way. It’s all organic and works with the story.

The fact is, not to downplay Glen Hansard and Maketa Irglovia’s talent, there are THOUSANDS of people like these guys out there. Hell I’ve named 2 groups in this review and could probably name more if I tried. Our charts and radios shouldn’t be blasting out cookie cutter shite that sounds exactly the same as last weeks shite. Do yourself a favour and go and see someone local. Or stop and listen to the odd good busker. They’d appreciate the money more anyway.
oh and watch Once, because its fucking brilliant

Next up: The Iron Giant

Movie 123: Penelope

2010-05-03T14:36:00.000-07:00

Five generations ago a rich family were cursed by a witch for being assholes. The next girl born would have a pig face. Luckily they had a long line of boys, until Penelope (Christina Ricci) comes along. The curse would only be broken when “one of her own kind loved her” so her mother trained her to be a perfect wife. Unfortunately every suitor legged it when they saw her face. A reporter (Peter Dinklage) who lost his eye trying to get a picture of her as a baby hatches a plan to find a down on his luck blue blood to get a picture of grown up Penelope, and hires Max (James McAvoy). But things don’t go to plan.

I’ll leave it there. This is a kind of heart warming, entertaining modern fairy tale with a Pushing Daisies vibe that kind of loses it in the last half hour or so. Its still good throughout but that last reel dibs somewhat.

One of the main issues the film has is that Penelope really isn’t that horrific. I still would. I do have a major Christina Ricci thing though which may have helped. Fact is, with Reese Witherspoon as a best friend at one point (minor spoiler, sorry) she’s the better looking of the pair. Less pointy anyway.

To be fair to Reese I didn’t hate her in this.

There’s quite a few plot holes and inconsistencies too. I can’t go in to one of them as it’s a major spoiler, but one issue is that this was filmed in the UK and has a lot of UK minor cast members, but its set in New York (I believe). This would be fine if everyone could do accents, but Owen out of Torchwood’s is APPAULING. There’s a few people, Lenny Henry for example, that don’t bother with an accent so they’re presence is a bit baffling. I think he was a cop, but if he’s a PI I’m sure it’s fine. The blue bloods all seem to have English accents too, and that’s also fine. But they should have been ore consistent through.

James McAvoy proves once again that he’s a fantastic actor. His accent is spot on, he doesn’t miss a beat and even I fell for him a bit. And the Dink is in another role where its not a plot point that he’s dwarf. I love that. The dude is a great actor, he gets cast in good roles, the end. Obviously it’s a bit more poignant casting here though with the theme of the movie.

And Nick Frost has a very small role with a pretty hilarious slightly comedic American accent. Just glad to see him in something. Its not a BAD accent, just comically broad.

The rest of the cast are fine, the film looks great and that slightly otherwordly weird vibe is kept throughout. It’s not as deeply stylised as Daisies, Lemony Snickett or a Burton movie but just touched enough to have a unique look.

If it wasn’t for that last chunk being a bit off I’d highly recommend this, but all I’m dropping is the highly. This is an entertaining film and you should know from what I’ve said if this is your bag or not. It was mine.

Next up: Once

Movie 122: The Castle

2010-05-02T16:40:00.003-07:00

The Kerrigans are a simple Australian family. They live in a house next to the airport, have built themselves a summer home and are very happy. Largely thanks to dad Darryl’s sunny attitude that infects the whole lot of them. But when the airport is going to expand their house is bought against their will. Darryl refuses to accept that, a mans home is his castle, and fights back against the big boys.

It’s a true underdog story. Well, not a TRUE story but you know what I mean. A little guy who’s happy with the little he’s got and refuses to let it go.

The characters are all quirky as hell. The whole story is told from the perspective of the youngest son, Dale, who narrates the whole thing. Darryl is a simple man who runs a towing business and does a lot of DIY on the house to improve it. His son Steve buys things from the local trade paper to sell on again for a profit. His wife does handcraft type stuff.

They’re all a bit dense, but in an incredibly charming way. Every night Darryl complements his wife on her great cooking, when its basically some chicken and seasoning in front of him. They’re pretty much on the bottom rung of the ladder but couldn’t be much happier.

I’m not the biggest fan of Australian cinema as they turn out a lot of turkeys. Even with the over arching plot of this film it boils down to a character piece, and if the characters aren’t up to it then it’s a pain to watch. Thankfully the acting and the script here are more than up to the task. If your pretty poor like myself you’ll probably have known a few people that are quite similar to the Kerrigans. They don’t care that there house is zoned in a terrible place, that a lot of their stuff is pretty much crap and that their biggest achievement is a daughter with a hair dressing diploma. The little things are what matters.

And that’s the movies main message. Yes its about the little guy going after a giant, but the message is that family is what is important. They’re happy because they have each other. 70 grand is probably quite a lot for them, though it wouldn’t buy all that much so not really, but the airport could be offering 700 and they still wouldn’t want to sell their home. And the whole thing comes down to that intangible home factor.

There’s a lot of quotable dialogue here Darryl has a couple of catch phrases that would be very well known if this was a bigger budget movie. I’ve no idea what it cost but its shot cheaply and the shoot was as long as the food budget would stretch (11 days). The family is called Kerrigan so that they could borrow a tow truck from a real company as there was no money for that kind of thing.

I watched it because Eric Bana is in it, but he’s barely in it at all. I’m far from disappointed though. If you need a laugh then hunt this one out and give it a shot as it’s bloody brilliant mate.

Next up: Penelope

Movie 121: Crank: High Voltage

2010-05-02T16:40:00.001-07:00

Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) improbably survives the fall from a helicopter, only to have his heart nicked by triads and an artificial one shoved in it place. It runs on a battery that regularly needs charges of power and isn’t designed for long term or strenuous use. So Chelios needs to find ways to keep himself ticking while he gets his heart back and some revenge.

In the first film Chelios having to keep his heart rate up worked very well. It was high octane and he did some crazy things to keep it pumping. This time around doesn’t work quite as well.

It sounds strange but its mainly because of inconsistencies. Sometimes a giant charge will keep him going for about a minute, others something small keeps him going for ages. Its all over the bloody place. It’s a weird complaint for a film like this as its absolutely nuts in every way, but I’d probably have enjoyed it a lot more if they’d kept that consistent.

It’s not quite as much fun as the first one either. It wasn’t that long ago that I watched it but it felt to me that this one was dialled down a bit rather than ratcheted up. There’s still a fair amount of crazy action, and he does a few insane things to keep going, but electrical charges don’t have the same mad potential that normal adrenaline did.

Its pretty much been established now that Chev Chelios is some kind of improbable superhuman who can take a ridiculous amount of punishment and keep rocking. I’m fine with that. I’m not sure what they’ll use as a Macguffin if they make a Crank 3, they’ve possibly made a mistake by switching off the originals to a different one, but if they can come up with a good idea I’ll be there.

Hell, I’ll probably be there anyway. I like Statham films, he’s like an Arnie that speaks English.

This doesn’t suck, but its pretty much for fans of the original. There’s plenty of continuity, things pick up right after the first one finished, but there are flashbacks if you want to skip to number 2. I’d recommend watching the first one over this though.

Next up: The Castle

Movie 120: The Hamster Factor and Other Tales of Twelve Monkeys

2010-05-02T16:39:00.000-07:00

The making and post production of Movie 119: Twelve Monkeys

More or less. It’s the second part that’s the most important here really. As I said yesterday this seems like a bit of a cheat, the documentary was on the same DVD, but its not a normal behind the scenes look

It’s kind of a documentary of two halves. The first deals with some actual making of, and inspires the title. Terry Gilliam has a tendency to become obsessed with a tiny detail and fixates on it being right which delays production. It also leads to him having extremely detailed sets and little touches that you don’t always notice, and is a good thing. Aside from that it’s the usual movie making frustrations

There’s one point where the first actor who was going to play the lead as a boy kinda sucked. This piece of minutae was very important to Terry, and thankfully the back up kid didn’t suck. I know how that feels. I’ve only made the one short myself but it’s a bit heartbreaking when there’s something you had in your head that you just can’t get. I had to change the way a moment worked entirely and it still bugs me thinking about it, so I know how he feels. BUT he can also be a bit of a pain in the arse at times. Bloody artists….

The second half is the most revealing. Not so much the editing and marketing stuff that they cover. That’s interesting and all but is covered plenty of places. No, the interesting part is the test screening.

This would be spoiler territory for a movie but fuck it this is a doc. When they’re in there with the audience, Terry and I think it’s the producers get a damned good vibe from the film. The reaction they want. Everything seems great, but the score cards and sample group come back less than positive.

I have a bit of a problem with test screenings. A lot of the time a film is unfinished and its VERY hard to judge a movie when there are temp scores and effects. It takes you away from the rest of it a bit, unless your used to that kind of thing. Random mall people aren’t used to that, so I think the whole system is flawed.

The main issue with test screenings, which thankfully DIDN’T happen in this case, is that movies are changed based on them. Why? All a test screening should do is tell you who to market your film to. A random sample of a few hundred people shouldn’t have any input on the creative process. Neither should studio executives. If your such a good film maker, make a fucking film don’t mess with the people who are doing it.

Fact is, what happened here should always happen. A few minor changes then the film went out. A studio should know that they want to make a film based on the script and the pre-production. They know what’s coming. They shouldn’t then change things after the fact bar some suggestions that the director either agrees with and changes or doesn’t. That’s it. WHY people have to negotiate for final cut I don’t know….

This is worth a look just for the eye opening second half, but if you can’t stand behind the scenes stuff this won’t change your mind. And Lost In La Mancha was better on a similar subject.

Next up: Crank: High Voltage

Movie 119: Twelve Monkeys

2010-04-29T14:15:00.001-07:00

In 1996 a virus is released that will wipe out 5 billion people, the remaining humans living under ground. Scientists in that future send back “volunteer” prisoners to find out how the virus was released and to get a sample of its original form. Unfortunately time travel isn’t quite an exact science and they send Cole (Bruce Willis) back to 1990 where he’s banged up with a real nut job, Jeffrey Goines (Brad Pitt) and has a sympathetic shrink Kathryn Railly (Madeleine Stowe).

I mention the last two as they are important characters in the plot. But the plot I cover is something like the first 20 minutes. This is a VERY convoluted movie and I don’t want to spoil any of it.

Time travel is easy to completely arse up, particularly when you hop back and forth like this film does. They’re very clever with it here though and the script writer was obviously careful with how they set out the various character paths.

Unfortunately it makes it a little hard to review without getting in to spoiler territory, so I expect this will be a short one.

It’s a Terry Gilliam film so obviously its pretty fucking weird. In fact with that first 20-30 minutes I wasn’t all that sure I’d like it. The mental hospital didn’t really look like one to me. Because it isn’t, it’s an abandoned prison. That aside and the fact that much of the film is dingy and dirty, and that there’s some strangeness for strangenesses sake, the look doesn’t really detract from the overall movie. I didn’t think it really added much either though besides the overt weirdness possibly adding to how nuts Cole might be. If your trying to help someone keep their mental faculties sticking them half way up a wall with eyeballs on screens and staring at them through a distorting magnifying glass probably isn’t going to work though. Just saying.

All the performances are great. Bruce Willis isn’t in full on action star mode here, but he plays very good slowly deranged. And the Brad Pitt we see is pre-star Brad. He is frankly one of the best actors of his age, and it shows through in his off the wall performance in this.

I’d say that this might be a bit nuts and out there for some people, but if you pay attention and you don’t mind a bit of strangeness you’ll enjoy the hell out of this movie.

Next up: The Hamster Factor and Other Tales of Twelve Monkeys. Which is a bit of a cheat as its basically the making of THIS movie, but its listed as a different documentary movie in most places and it’s feature length.

Further Reading: http://iheartthetalkies.wordpress.com/ reviews the latest releases. And I don’t, well maybe occasionally. So go read her blog.

Movie 118: Real Genius

2010-04-28T14:39:00.000-07:00

A 15 year old prodigy is admitted to college due to his aptitude with lasers. There he is taken under the wing of the previous “stud”, who was 12 when he entered, who tried to get him to relax more or he’ll go nuts. Like the other previous stud who lives in the steam tunnels under the college. Little do they know that they’re professor is using them to build a weapon.

This is an 80’s film. A very 80’s film. There was a glut of these movies back then. Not necessarily teenage geniuses, but the whole feel of the thing. And I love em.

I wouldn’t go as far as saying I LOVED this, but it was pretty damned good. It does have a slightly big failing which is an over reliance on the montage. There are 3 big montage sequences in this movie, possibly more but definitely 3. That’s 2 more than most. Yes, even Rocky had a montage but not every 20 minutes.

Not that I have a problem with them, it just cuts down on actual character time.

The characters themselves are great, which is why a slightly longer running time would have been fine. The young kid isn’t all that impressive, but the leads rarely are in ensemble comedy. His love interest, the hyperkinetic engineer who never sleeps, works very well in her small doses but seems to calm a bit towards the end. And of course the stand out is this kid called Val Kilmer. It’s a weird name, but if he plays more wacky characters like the one in this he could go really far.

All joking aside, this is Kilmer on his game playing the type of role he’s damned good at. The last film I saw him in, Heat, basically had him looking cool and saying nothing which DOESN’T work as well. He’s a wise ass dammit.

This being an 80’s film, and a college one at that, it has the rival dick student. For once he’s another nerd, though a relatively incompetent one, who sucks up to the dick teacher. Or should I say dickless. Yes, poor William Atherton is playing that role he plays in pretty much every 80’s film he’s in. I assume the guy is just a jerk. But your looking at a slightly less asshole version of his character from Ghost Busters, the Die Hards and I’m assuming Bio-Dome though I can’t remember him in that as I’ve repressed the memory.

This is a bit of a Sunday afternoon watch. It’s no Revenge of the Nerds, but its also no Revenge of the Nerds 4: Nerds In Love. Worth a look! Assuming Wargames isn’t on.

Next up: Twelve Monkeys

Further Reading: http://iheartthetalkies.wordpress.com/ reviews the latest releases. And I don’t, well maybe occasionally. So go read her blog.

Movie 117: Outlander

2010-04-27T13:40:00.001-07:00

A space ship crashes in Norway, around 900 AD. There is one human survivor, but he has some company. A deadly alien called a Moorven. The Moorven slaughters a village and nearly starts a war, but out hero is blamed. Until the Moorven attacks again. Well, until he kills a bear and everyone suddenly likes him, THE the Moorven attacks.

For a film about an alien-kinda-but-he’s-actually-human-but-from-space fighting alongside Vikings to kill a big dragon beasty this takes itself pretty seriously. Which is the main problem, as it’s a load of old toot.

Btw if you have seen this you might have missed the “abandoned seed colony” bit at the start. This explains why Kainan the alien looks like a person. See, we’re from space too! Sorted. But they don’t go much further than that. I’m fine with that to be honest.

If this had gone whackier I would have liked it a hell of a lot more, but its too straight faced. The Moorven, while an interesting design and idea, is pretty damned hard to decipher. When its glowing like a bunch of fairy lights I had trouble telling what was tail and what was tongue. The effects just weren’t up for what they were trying.

There is some kind of light hearted moments, but they weren’t all that good either. And the comic relief, Boromir of all names, had a very mobile accent. Sometimes he was a bit Scottish, then he’d be Irish, then English. Bit piss poor that.

I did think it was a nice touch that the “alien” language he was speaking at the start was Norse, then he and everyone else speaks English for the rest of the movie. Somehow the little kid is the only person bar our alien who has an American accent, which was lazy as hell.

Ron Pearlman is in this. He isn’t in it enough. Man did they waste that guy, he’s in about 10 minutes of actual movie. And his accent is pretty fucking good! Didn’t expect that, but Ron is actually a rather good actor. I think his look is the main reason for being cast in a lot of films but if he looked more conventional he’d be all over the damned place.

What we have here is a wasted opportunity for a fun B movie. The Viking village looks good, but the special effects are terrible. As is some of the acting and that one important supporting characters accent. The creature effects don’t really work. The plot is REDICULOUSLY predictable.

I wouldn’t bother watching it if I was you, but the buzz seems to be that its pretty enjoyable. You’ve been warned if you think its arse afterwards.

Next up: Real Genius

Further Reading: http://iheartthetalkies.wordpress.com/ reviews the latest releases. And I don’t, well maybe occasionally. So go read her blog.

Movie 116: Seven Samurai

2010-04-26T14:34:00.001-07:00

A small mountain village in 16th century Japan is being plagued by bandits. They have no money and are near starvation, but decide to try and find some Samurai to help protect them. Finding ones that will work for food isn’t easy, but they manage to gather a miss fit band of young, old, inexperienced and nuts to keep the bandits off their back.

This is a premake of The Magnificent Seven and it’s REALLY fookin long. But the thing is, I can’t think of a scene that could really be cut.

This is my 4th Kurosawa movie, and again it only has a small amount of plot for a film of its length. And yet it’s entertaining through out. They take they’re time with the story, you see the Samurai all joining up more or less individually. They harvest crops in the village. The bandits, when they finally come, lay siege to the town and it’s a proper siege with probing attacks and all that malarkey.

I LOVE The Magnificent Seven, it’s probably my favourite western. All jokes aside about this being a premake, there are obvious similarities and pretty big difference. And both are fantastic films. I wondered how it would work in a swords and spears era. There are a few guns in the movie, but thankfully not many. But the deliberate pacing of how the bandits attack, and the fact that they pretty much only do it once, means it works fine. Mag Seven had the advantage of having more action, Seven Sam made the action more personal.

I mean think of one other epic where you get to see pretty much EVERY death, even for the minor characters who have no lines whatsoever. Can’t, can you?

That is one of the films few failings though. It was an issue on Hidden Fortress as well, but not as glaring. It’s REALLY obvious that no one is being stabbed. The killing is like a Shakespeare play, with slashes in front or barely stabbed stabbings felling people instantly. Its something you have to forgive though as it’s no doubt due to technical limitations.

Apart from that, there isn’t much to complain about. BFI did their usual shite subs job with no translation for pretty big swathes of film. No important dialogue is missing, but I feel like some funny insults might have been lost. It’s ironic that on the day I get HD TV I watch a 56 year old black and white grainy film, but it still looks damned good.

And before I go, no Kurosawa review is complete without saying something about Mifune. He’s more nuts than a bag of Snickers in this. And literally has his arse hanging out for a good chunk of the film. The whole cast is great, and there’s a fair bit of cross over with Fortress from what I could see. Not a major miss step in the bunch.

The one thing missing from this that IS in the western remake is that the bad guys aren’t fleshed out that much. They pretty much have one small scene at the start but remain faceless. That’s a bit of a blessing though as otherwise the thing would be 4 bloomin hours long…

Next up: Outlander

Further Reading: http://iheartthetalkies.wordpress.com/ reviews the latest releases. And I don’t, well maybe occasionally. So go read her blog.

Movie 115: Superbad

2010-04-25T14:26:00.001-07:00

Best friends Seth (Jonah Hill) and Evan (Michael Cera) aren’t exactly popular, but two weeks before graduation Seth is teamed up with a girl in home ec who invites him to a party. Using other friend Fogell (Chris Mintz-Plasse) to buy booze with his new fake ID, which makes him 25 year old McLovin from Hawaii, they plan to try and get laid before they run out of time. Until everything goes wrong

I didn’t say hilarity ensues! Fuck….

Every ten years or so there’s a good movie like this. In the 80’s there’s obviously the Hughes flicks but they’re probably not quite in the same genre. Ferris Bueller is close though. Then came Dazed and Confused. Next there’s American Pie, just the first one as the second is a college movie. There’s a lot of drek in this genre, but Superbad is the next in the pattern.

And yes I know I’m late to the party on this being a good film. For most people this is the first time their introduced to the main players. Particularly McLovin. This is my third CMP movie though so I benefit from not associating him with this character for ever. He pretty much plays the same role as he generally does though. Same with Cera and I assume with Hill.

And pretty much the same with Seth Rogen as one of the cops who hang with McLovin.

Many of you will have seen this film, so I’ll get a bit bullet pointy with the good parts. First off, they portray being a teenager very realistically. At least this kind of teenager. The guys swear a lot, they are somewhat fascinated with the female of the species and most importantly they haven’t got a clue what they are doing and are a bit scared. The bromance relationship between the two leads and they way they act with each other throughout the film is also spot on. I can’t get in to it too much as I don’t want to spoil anything, but I can identify with the relationship between these two guys.

Much of the cast seems to be the right age too. There’s a few background people that are now semi well known in their own right, playing people in there early twenties which fits. Nice to see kids cast as kids for once.

There’s also plenty of crazy comedy and ridiculous situations too. But importantly, for me at least, it’s not heavy on the gross out humour. There’s some, but the film doesn’t lean heavily on it.

This is a great comedy with note perfect performances that portrays what its like to be a 17 year old boy pretty damned well. If you haven’t watched it yet and you were once one, go fucking see it. I guess girls will probably like it too though!

Next up: Seven Samurai

Movie 114: Dan In Real Life

2010-04-24T14:03:00.001-07:00

Dan (Steve Carell) is an advice columnist who lost his wife a few years ago and is raising three daughters on his own. He goes to a family gathering and his mum makes him get away for a bit. While getting the papers he runs in to a woman, Marie (Juliette Binoche), who he instantly clicks with. Unfortunately she’s seeing someone. His brother (Dane Cook).

Hilarity insues. Well, that’s how it’s billed. This is billed as a flat out comedy, possibly partly because of the two main leads. And its part of the reason that the film doesn’t QUITE hit the mark in the way the directors last effort, Pieces of April, did. It’s a little bit too light.

Ironically the other problem it has is that it’s a bit tough to watch at times. Dan being tortured by his feelings for Marie, and some vice versa, are kind of heart breaking. It’s very realistic and generally the emotions and how they worked are played right, but its bad enough living through that kind of crap.

Carell is on great form here. It’s not typical goofy Office Carell, and its not full on indie Little Miss Sunshine Carell, it’s somewhere in between. He’s funny at times but not in the usual idiot way. But he plays a great range of emotion here too.

Binoche is….well she’s pretty adorable and easy to fall for. I haven’t seen her in much yet but if I’m right in thinking this is kind of the role she plays most of the time.

And I said it before, but I actually like Dane Cook. People generally seem to think he’s a dick, I happen to think he’s a damned fine comedic actor who has actual range outside of comedy. I think he could end up being a bit of a breakthrough guy. I’ve yet to see him playing someone who isn’t at least a bit of a full of himself over confident dude, and I’d like to, but I’m impressed so far.

The supporting adults are all fine, Frasier’s dad stalked in to this one from a few days ago. There is a bit of a let down in the cast with Dan’s daughters. They are fine enough actors and everything, the littlest especially, but the middle girl who I think is 14 is just a giant pain in the ass for 95% of her screen time. And it gets old. Real old. That might be realism, and it does highlight a point about how we never really get smart about love no matter what we might think when we’re older. I get the comparison that we’re all basically hormonal teenagers some of the time. But there must have been a less annoying way to do it.

This is a good family, and by that I mean portraying one, film. And it’s a not bad (I assume) light indie. But it’s too light. Or not light enough. It slots in to the weird middle area. Decent rent or TV watch, but it won’t be making any favourites lists of mine.

Did nearly cry at one scene towards the end though. Because I’m a big pussy.

Next up: Superbad

Movie 113: Moon

2010-04-23T15:00:00.001-07:00

The future, man uses Helium-3 to create fusion energy. There’s a shit load on the moon so we mine it there. Though largely automated the moon base has one human operator, Sam Bell (Sam Rockwell). Sam is nearing the end of his 3 year contract and seeing as he’s only had GERTY (Kevin Spacey) the bases computer and time delayed messages from his wife, he’s going a bit nuts. Same has an accident when checking out one of the mining machines one day, which leads to him discovering something he should never have known.

And I won’t spoil it, but when the reveal happens I figured the gig right away

That aside, and I’m a big sci fi fan so I jumped straight to the correct conclusion, this is a well plotted and very well acted movie. Which surprised me some what as it’s the dude from Avatar. Not that he sucked in that movie, just that he didn’t have to do much.

For a film about one dude on the moon there was actually a surprisingly large cast list, but there’s only the two dudes I mentioned to talk about really. I will say that the supporting wife is a damned fine actress too though.

Kevin Spacey is basically channelling HAL here. I’d be surprised if it took more than a few hours to record GERTY, but he does a fine enough job. It’s surprisingly difficult to stay in an even tone with your dialogue and he nails it.

Sam has a LOT to play with here and he’s bloody brilliant. It’s a bit of a travesty, but not a huge surprise, that there wasn’t an Oscar nod in his direction for this. Whether he’ll get a chance to stretch like this again is another matter, but he acts the shit out of this movie. I can’t get in to it too much though as it’ll enter spoiler territory.

The film looks great. The moon base is lived in, the equipment has that Star Wars used feel to it. I buy it entirely. And the practical effects are spot on. Also, the music is by Clive Mansell who’s stuff I love. While its not quite as iconic as the Requiem For A Dream music it is some lovely understated piano and electronic work. I think it would probably be perfect to chill out to and might hunt it out.

Moon won’t be for everyone, it’s a little bit Twilight Zone and if you don’t like sci fi this probably won’t win you over. For everyone else it’s nice to see a smart one for a change, even if it is a bit predictable.

Next up: Dan In Real Life

Movie 112: The Broken Hearts Club

2010-04-22T15:29:00.001-07:00

A character piece about a group of friends who hang out together and play softball. It covers somewhere between 6 months and a year in there lives and the introduction of a new guy to the group. Oh, and they all like cock.

That’s pretty much the point. The way I wrote that. Sure there’s plenty of gay stuff in here, guys hooking up (nothing graphic though) and they all act gay but besides that……its not that big a deal.

The way I see it this is kind of like the Kevin Smith film that he would have made if he was his brother, and was a bit less vulgar. Or for probably a better comparison, it’s a bit like St Elmo’s Fire which they directly call out at one point.

As far as I’m aware much of the cast aren’t actually fags. The 3 I’m pretty damned sure on are John Mahoney, Frasier’s Dad, who plays Jack the matriarch of the group. Much of the action centers around Jack’s bar where a lot of the guys seem to work, and he’s the guy who runs the softball team. He’s the glue for these guys friendships.

Dean Cain is straight too, I think. Imaginatively he plays a very attractive trying to make it actor. And he’s funny and charming. So Dean Cain from what I’ve seen then.

And there’s the now famous straight guy who’s damned near gay, Zach Braff. He made this RIGHT BEFORE Scrubs. In fact this was it before Scrubs for him. And the talent shows through right off. He gets plenty to play with and….well you’ve seen Scrubs you’ve seen the range. Think JD if he just finally got it on with Turk and was done with it.

Timothy Olyphant is the lead here. He’s a fine enough actor even if he did play it a bit broad at times for my liking. And…..oh fuck it I’m not doing a cast list review. Or ruining the plot.

What this is is 90 minutes of what the gay world is like. You have insecure guys, far too secure guys, dudes who work out too much and do drugs, dudes who can’t commit, a new dude that can barely admit he’s gay and an old queen watching over them all from time to time. And it’s great. I love a good character piece and that’s what this is.

If you have a problem with the gays then avoid this. You won’t like it. I don’t thankfully, be a bit fucked in the acting world if I did. Hell, there’s been periods where I was hit on by dudes and there was nary a woman in sight which was flattering if depressing. I’ve known many a homo, and this film portrays them perfectly in my experience. So if you sick of flouncing Jack or Julia Roberts best friend in whatever rom com then check this out.

Pretty much just paraphrased the movie there, then went meta with the theme a couple of times.

Next up: Moon

Movie 111: Annie Hall

2010-04-21T15:10:00.001-07:00

The story of the relationship between neurotic New York comedian Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) and a girl who’s name is the same as the title (Diane Keaton).

Really, that’s how short the synopsis can be.

Much like it’s male star, the style of this film is a bit all over the place. On the one hand its somewhat surreal. The main character breaks the fourth wall sporadically and one a few occasions a group of characters will be present witnesses to flash backs, like Scrouge and one of the ghosts. One scene features subtitles of what the people are really thinking. Another has their concurrent thoughts.

On the other hand it’s a realistic portrayal of relationships, all be it one between two relatively messed up people. And the style of conversation is generally realistic too, with people talking over each other slightly in an Altman style.

Its rather good too. Like I said, it shows a realistic relationship rather than a rom com fall in love, contrived problem, break up, get back together, happily ever after. It’s two people going through a chunk of life together.

I was going to make the, I think its Family Guy, joke about how I like Woody Allen movies except for that nervous Jewish guy that’s in all of them. But I do like Woody Allen movies. For the most part anyway, going by what little I’ve seen. There is a slight problem with characters talking in over intellectual wanky style, but this movie mocks that as much as it indulges in it.

It’s extremely 70’s too. Lots of hair all over the place with some iffy clothes here and there. If you keep an eye out there are three appearances by actors that would be classed as celebrity cameos too. Christopher Walken barely appears as Annie’s messed up brother. Technically he was actually known at the time so it’s a bona fide cameo. Jeff Goldblum has one line in a blink and you’ll miss it featured extra position. And Sigourney Weaver is in there in an actual extra position, her first credit on film apparently.

I think a lot of relationship movies have probably borrowed a lot from this one over the years, unless Annie Hall is ripping something off that I don’t know about. I can definitely see the influence on (500) Days of Summer.

If you don’t mind the nervous Jew I’d check this one out. Not on a date though, it’s probably not the best date movie….

Next up: The Broken Hearts Club. The second in a possible series of three cheats as it’s a movie I saw late at night and remember being good. The first was 3 o’clock High and the third is a nam movie called 84 Charlie MoPic which I will be watching if I get my hands on it.

Movie 110: District 13 – Ultimatum

2010-04-20T15:14:00.001-07:00

This is a sequel, if you haven’t seen the original it’s about a walled off section of Paris that’s gone to shit, Escape From New York style. A cop and a criminal team up to stop some really bad criminals setting off a neutron bomb. It was the first film to feature parkour, and it’s awesome.

At the end of the first one the government promises to remove the walls around the district. They don’t do it. So Leito (David Belle) periodically blows bits off them. However, the war lords in charge of the district don’t want him to as they feel protected and like the status quo. But some corrupt cops frame a gang for killing some other cops and shit kicks off. They want to destroy the district so it can be rebuilt for yuppies. Supercop Tomaso (Cyril Raffaelli) is framed for drug possession to get him out of the way. Tomaso calls Leito to bust him out so they can get evidence and save the day!

I actually had trouble condensing the plot there and I’ve missed stuff. Bit surprising for an action movie!

When you think of French cinema what do you think? Poets eating cheese with hairy women and a duck with jazz in the background? Me, I think kick ass action films. Because they really can make some damned fine action, generally with the name Luc Besson attached somewhere.

This is a bit like a good 70’s Jackie Chan movie, but Jackie Chan is a French guy called Cyril Raffaelli. And Jackie has a cousin, say Jimmy Chan, who is a French guy called David Belle and isn’t as good at Kung Fu but he jumps around fantastically.

This is honestly one of the best action movies I’ve seen in a while. It’s cleverly plotted, well acted (including the warlords) and has some damned fine set pieces. Tomaso’s re-introduction scene in particular is worth the price of admission alone.

While David Belle may be the founder of Parkour, Cyril may be the better practitioner for film. And he’s trained in two martial arts. Why he doesn’t have a bunch of films under his belt I don’t know, but start throwing this guy in to crazy action please! Not that Dave sucks or anything…

Awesome!

Next up: Annie Hall

Movie 109: 2001: A Space Odyssey

2010-04-19T14:50:00.001-07:00

Cacophonous noise! Monkeys! Monolith! Monkeys learn basic tool use! Cut to the future, 9 years ago! People in space! Another monolith! Lets go to Jupiter!

Frankly, most people know the plot of 2001 by now. In fact I probably couldn’t spoil it if I wanted to. But I’ll still try and avoid too many.

Why this starts with about 2 minutes worth of what sounds like orchestra tune up with a black screen, I don’t know. It may have been a nice touch in the original cinema release but all it did was make me worry that my DVD player was broken. The same goes for the bit after the intermission.

I tried to watch this film many years ago and go really bored. Thankfully that didn’t happen this time. The monkey suits look great and the 20 minute sequence is fine. I think it was the future (I believe it was still my past) bit that I gave up as that too is slow.

Didn’t bother me this time. In fact I quite liked it. A bit of scientific accuracy, for the most part, never did anyone any harm. And the effects for their time are fantastic.

Those two points to flag up two issues that the film has though. The second is no doubt due to a limitation in the effects work. Not one engine is ever seen firing, for attitude adjustment or anything. I can forgive them that but it’s a bit glaring now. Everything is in glide mode. The other issue which was more pointed for me is with the space walk.

Why the hell park sooooooo far away from the craft? Then, what are they using to adjust themselves and slow down? And finally, why the hell doesn’t Dave attach a tether or something when he lands on the dish? They were so exacting with everything else that this really stuck out for me.

There’s not much point in me going on about the good points, or ranting too much about the bad. Besides the two crazy loud noise sections with blank screens and the fact that the monolith’s choral whaling gets a bit too much after a while, there’s the ending. It’s hippy trippy bollocks and it lasts far too long. I know its not supposed to be understandable, and I can read some stuff in to it, but it lets the whole movie down for the most part. Mainly because we never see Dave’s pod enter the monolith or even come close. That could have used scissors.

So yes it’s a great movie, though its probably too slow for many. What I’d advise if you like the hard sci fi aspects is that you watch it up until Dave his headed towards the monolith then click it off. There’s nothing more for you here.

Next up: District 13 – Ultimatum

Movie 108: Heat

2010-04-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

Robert De Niro plays a thief, Al Pacino plays a cop. They are trying to avoid/capture each other. Both of them have pretty fucked up personal lives. And they have coffee once. That’s about it.

Really, that is about it. While Heat does have a fair few good points, it is FAR from being a masterpiece.

For one thing, my plot description mentions two characters. For the most part so does the script. The two main guys have their respective crews, and those crews have wives or girlfriends sometimes. Both leads have their own personal relationships. But the people outside of the leads aren’t exactly rounded out.

They aren’t all just characateurs or anything. The members of De Niro’s gang don’t say all that much. And seeing as they are all pretty integral to the plot makes that a bit of a travesty. Tom Sizemore’s character is a first hole to the gang, but we never see that or really know anything about him. Val Kilmer kind of zombies through a lot of the picture, but he’s a relatively significant B plot in the last half of the film. In some kind of reverse Samson manoeuvre his acting seems to significantly improve when he has a hair cut. I’d say it was hampering his acting to have long hair if he wasn’t a bad ass in Willow.

And poor Danny Trejo. He’s literally an after thought until towards the end when he becomes plot important

The cops are better written, though it doesn’t get in to any of their personal lives outside of Pacino. Which is fine. But in a 160 minute movie they should have done a better job of rounding out the people that they DID focus on.

Pacino’s relationship is a mess due to his obsession with his job. Nothing new there. But it works fine in the glimpses we get. Natalie Portman does well as his step daughter, but once again she’s kind of glossed over so her actions don’t have really well known motivations. And are important to the plot. His character seems to have random out bursts which were explained by an early draft coke habit, but then that was taken out and the behaviour was left. Great writing there Mann….

De Niro’s relationship makes the least sense. I think we get to see two dates in the first half ish of the movie, so he barely knows the woman he’s with. When they are together there really doesn’t seem to be shit loads of chemistry, mainly because of the way his character is portrayed.

It just feels like Mann came up with a few plot bullet points, then went back and kind of shoved characters in to the script to fit them at the time. It detracts from the movie to have two fully focused on leads and half assed surrounding characters. The plot itself is decent, could have been great, if it wasn’t for the fact that the whole thing feels strangely draggy AND jumpy.

I guess its worth a watch. If it was shorter then yeah, but its 3 hours out of your life more or less. Up to you really.

Next up: 2001: A Space Odyssey. Which I probably shouldn’t watch with the cold as I need my brain…

Movie 107: Lakeview Terrace

2010-04-17T13:18:00.001-07:00

A young couple, a black girl and white guy, move in to a house in the hills of LA. Unfortunately for them, their next door neighbour is a cop who has a problem with mixed race couples. An escalating war of annoyances ensues.

The biggest question this movie brings up? What was the point of that? It’s message seems to either be all black guys are racist if a white guy takes one of their women OR all cops are pricks. And that’s it.

The plot kind of skips ahead a lot too. It’s not a taught thriller, it’s a barely able to bother paying attention thriller. There’s a big of development with Samuel L Jackson’s (the cop) bad relationship with his kids, but then they fuck off half way through so that’s wasted. And there’s no real reason given for his thinly veiled racism, which would be fine if it was slowly revealed and better hidden, and then then give a reason. Something they wouldn’t have done if it was a white racist. Though they wouldn’t have made the film in that case.

And it suffers badly from the characters not saying obvious shit syndrome. Patrick Wilson never says “oh, Able did this” or “but I’m not that guy dude”. Its something that annoys me a lot in films, no one ever asks a second time for an explanation or talks in a realistic way leaving contrived tension…

The performances are decent enough though. Jackson is down right scary sometimes in this, in a “I’m gonna rip your head off, buddy” way. The buddy being overly friendly. Wilson is fine, Kerry Washington is fine as his wife. But the relationship kind of falls apart in an unrealistic way over time. Sure there’s tensions, but not the tensions that there should be.

It’s a bad TV movie thriller thrown up on the big screen before the script was finished. I’d just skip it, there’s plenty of crazy ass Jackson elsewhere.

Next up: Heat

Movie 106: War, inc

2010-04-16T15:35:00.001-07:00

Brand Hauser (John Cusack) is a troubled hitman generally under employment by the Tamerline Corporation. The world is now run by companies and there’s generally a lot of war going on. Brand is tasked with running a trade show in the Taraqistan Emerald Zone as a cover for killing Omar Sharrif, not the actor, which will culminate in the wedding of pop star Yonica Yeahbaby (Hilary Duff). Things are further complicated when he falls from liberal reporter Natalie Hegalhuzen (Marisa Tomei)

God this is an awful film.

Okay, that’s not entirely accurate. There’s about 15 to 20 minutes of good in it. Those scenes are dramatic and generally feature the 3 actors I mentioned above, particularly the two grown ups though Duff surprisingly has her moments. The real problem is that this isn’t a drama. It’s supposed to be a comedic satire.

They missed out the comedic part. It’s far too outlandish for its own good. Joan Cusack also stars and she is flat out awful, chewing the scenery, the camera, her own face, the audience…TERRIBLE. There’s “whacky” characters all over the place and silly moments that just don’t sit at all. Its like whoever wrote this never had a sense of humour, or is possibly German.

Ben Kingsley shows up too as a kind of bad guy boss character. I think he’s still trying to make up for playing Ghandi by being as god awful as he can in his decisions and characterisations. One scene has Cusack literally looking bored when something funny is supposed to be happening.

Besides the bad comedy, the satire itself is ridiculously heavy handed. The idea of corporations running the world isn’t a new one. Having advertising all over the military vehicles is fine. The soldiers don’t have to be bizarre hyped up caffeine freaks for no damned reason. And the commentary on companies and celebrity doesn’t have to be in a style that’s akin to having a copy of the Daily Star rubbed in your face while someone yells “ISN’T THIS REALLY SMART AND FUNNY!!!”

The sad thing is it could have worked. If they’d played it more or less straight, let the situations inherent insanity just sit in the background and gone for more subtle humour this would have been a very good film. Cusack is very good here and he has a couple of fantastic action scenes. Marisa Tomei is pretty damned good. I wasn’t even aware that WAS Hilary Duff, probably more down to the look of the character, and she acted quite well in the subtler scenes.

Unfortunately they didn’t go that way, and it shows in the suckyness. Avoid it. Maybe see if the Cusack big action scene from the middle where he fights a half dozen guys is on You Tube. The other 10 good minutes isn’t worth the 85 shite ones.

Next up: Lakeview Terrace

Movie 105: Friday the 13th (2009)

2010-04-15T14:49:00.000-07:00

In 1980 Jason Vorhees drowned in the lake when his camp councillors should have been watching, but were shagging and boozing instead. So mamma kills them all bar one. But Jason isn’t dead and she tells him to get revenge. 20 odd years later a bunch of campers come to the wood, and Jason is a good boy and does what mamma said. A few months after that another group come up to one of their dad’s cabin, and the brother of one of the last batch comes looking for his missing sister. What is a Machete wielding maniac to do?

This isn’t a remake, or reboot, or Friday the 13th. It’s a remake of part one for the first 2 minutes, part 2 for the next 15 to 20 and then part 3. Sort of. You get to see Major Kira from DS9 as mum doing a bit of her thing, then potato sack Jason does his thing a lot, and finally the hockey mask gets put on.

I’m fine with that. At this point the fact that the mother was the original killer is moot. You hear Friday the 13th or chichichi papapa and think Jason, so we get Jason but with the original set up. And we want hockey mask, so we get it with the original lead in. All very good.

In fact I’m over all happy with the remake. Jason is the right amount of supernatural unstoppable and he’s not been overly humanised as can happen now. He’s a very fucked up little boy in a giant elephant man body who cuts people up. In fact we have a smarter, better skilled Jason in this one than you’d expect. He’s a bit like a mute Rambo at times. And that’s fine. You can only get so much out of a guy who stalks about after all.

The main problem the film has is the unlikability (that a word?) of the majority of the cannon fodder. They are douches, plain and simple. But if you want a hack and slash where you don’t have to care about most of the characters that’s fine. The first group aren’t so bad actually, it’s the bulk of the films kids that are dicks.

To balance it we have the hero leads. Jared” the not all that cool one from Supernatural” Padalecki is the brother hunting for his sister. He’s a likeable guy, a bit quiet, not some kind of Jason hunting superman. Fine. And Danielle “Cute daughter from Shark” Panabaker is the main douches girlfriend who wants to help out the brother as she feels sorry for him. She’s a nice girl who you don’t really get why shes with the dick head, but she obviously apologises for him a lot. There’s no overt sexual tension between the two of them, she’s not a cheating bitch and he’s not a dick moving in on a girl who has a guy. Two likeable kids. All well and good.

But for you classics fans, you will get two things here that are god damned requirements. There are plenty of boobs, 3 pairs I believe. One is incredibly fake looking to me. And you get plenty of stabby blood kills. Nothing over the top like in modern gorenography, Jason is actually quite a clean killer. Just well done stabbing stab stabs. And a few creative ones too. Nice.

Honestly I couldn’t have hoped for a much better Friday the 13th film. Less annoying kids would have improved it a lot but I think they did a damned fine job.

Next up: War, Inc

Movie 104: The Informant!

2010-04-14T15:17:00.000-07:00

Michael Whitacre (Matt Damon) decides that he doesn’t like the way certain things happen in his agro-business, so he turns informant with the FBI under false pretenses. Once he’s in he tells them why he’s really there, price fixing!

How exciting! The title totally deserves the exclamation mark!

Actually that’s part of the problem. We know that corporate espionage isn’t exciting, the film makers know that, so they go tongue in cheek with it. Unfortunately what might have worked as a gag in a short film doesn’t so much over a long one. Exciting spy music where exciting spy music should not be isn’t funny the half dozenth time.

And that’s the whole problem with The Informant! It doesn’t seem to know what tone to go for. It looks a bit like a film set in the 70’s, and the location and date titles that pop up are in bubble writing to match that style. But its set in the 90’s.

It’s cast leans towards the comic, Melanie Lynskey, Joel McHale, Paton Oswalt amongst others. But its not overtly comic. Farcical in many ways yes, but not all that laugh out loud funny.

It says its based on true events, and I don’t know how true that is. But if it is its extremely convoluted. Things twist and turn on a whim and you never really know whats actually going on. Particularly towards the end.

Its not terrible, but its not great. I can’t really recommend or warn you off from The Informant! But don’t expect anything terrific.

Next up: Friday the 13th. The remake. Ruh roh.

Movie 103: Monsters vs Aliens

2010-04-13T14:55:00.000-07:00

On her wedding day Susan is hit by a meteorite which turns her in to a giant. The government comes to pick her up and stick her in monster jail, forever. Forever that is until a giant alien robot lands in San Francisco and the only way to stop it is to release the monsters, Gigantica aka Susan, Professor Cockroach, The Missing Link, Bob and Insectasauras.

What a brilliant concept, a big smack fight between monsters and a bunch of aliens. Though technically its been done many times by Toho where Godzilla and his pantheon have done similar things. And I’m pretty sure that Gamara has too. But whatever, its still a good idea.

They miss the mark a little here, but not hugely. The 50ft woman isn’t the best monster going, but I guess they wanted a bit of a human connection. She’s far from the most interesting character in the movie too, but that’s generally the case when it comes to animation.

The first half didn’t really grab me at all, but things pick up once they start fighting the giant robot. The animation of the humans is generally pretty generic and I was far from impressed, but they can make some pretty blowing up scenery at Dreamworks.

It’s not as whacky as the years other non Pixar big animation movie, Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs. But it has the chance to be as the concept is pretty mental. Unfortunatly they didn’t go balls out, or just didn’t have the writing chops to pull it off.

A couple of the characters are fun though. The Prof could be great if he’s given the chance to make a lot of crazy inventions, which he wasn’t HUGELY given in this film. Insectasauras was also a bit under used. I know its tough to find something to do with an enormous bug but they should have stuck him in there more. He kind of just stands about and roars for the most part.

Bob was hilarious though. A big, dumb, gelatinous blob who provides much of the verbal comic relief for the film. And President Colbert was nice too.

There’s plenty of craziness here and kids will probably love it. I still liked it so there’s that for the adults, but I’d want a sequel to be funnier. I saw this in 2D though it was shot for 3D. It didn’t really have many glaring “this should be in your face!!!!1!!!” moments that are a bit of a problem for 3D films, but there were one or two. One is blatantly obvious at the start. But watching in 2D doesn’t seem to be any kind of an issue.

Next up: The Informant! I’m not excited, that’s just the title of the film. With a ! at the end.

Movie 102: The Hidden Fortress

2010-04-12T14:41:00.001-07:00

Two greedy bumbling peasants find gold in a stick one day, and go hunting for the rest. A mysterious man comes across their camp, and ends up leading them to a hidden fortress. He’s secretly a famous general, and he uses the idiots plans to get home to try and return a princess and her fortune to their kingdom.

The Hidden Fortress of the title being a bit of a small catalyst to the whole story. Going in I thought this would be about attacking some kind of hidden fortress as I thought that was where the Star Wars influence would come in. That’s because I don’t look to see what films are about all the time.

The shared themes are actually the feisty princess and the story being told with the main characters being a couple of lowly muppets. The two farmer loser soldiers are R2D2 and C3PO. They can be funny at times, a bit annoying at others. What people seem to forget with all the Jar Jar hatred is that Threepio can be a complete twat sometimes so Lucas nailed that.

But this isn’t a Star Wars review.

This is my third Kurosawa movie, and the third good one. It looks great. I’ll say that BFI arsed up a bit with the subs at times again. There’s patches that aren’t translated, and we never get to see all the lyrics to the fire ceremony song which is very important to the third act of the film. Bad BFI. But they are putting these films out so I can’t grumble too much.

While this is great, I do have a few niggles. Tahei and Matakishi, the two farmers, are pretty one note. They aren’t hugely funny, but a bit in a slap stick kind of way. I would have liked a bit more progression for the two of them but its not my movie. Also, the big lance fight between Makabe and Tadokoro was a bit too long but that’s partly to me being used to modern day action than anything else really. It IS realistic, which is nice. Oh and the princess doesn’t have much range, she kind of barks most of her lines which is fine generally but didn’t fit for one scene. That isn’t a Japanese thing really, I’ve seen similar moments played out better.

The good is that its well paced. It looks great and your kept interested throughout, which seeing as it’s a movie about hauling some gold could have easily not been the case. This being a Kurosawa movie you also have a performance by Toshiro Mifune. He’s a bad ass in this film, a complete and utter bad ass. Essentially, to get back to Star Wars, he’s the Obi Wan character but more in his prime than A New Hope Obi Wan. Under a lesser actor he would have either been a one note guy or not believable as a legendary general. Mifune is a master though.

Like any Kurosawa movie I’ll review, if you don’t like subtitles, black and white (that might not apply to all of them) or Japanese cinema then you won’t like this. If you like good old movies or are any level of film fan you will. Great stuff.

Next up: Monsters vs Aliens

Movie 101: Downfall

2010-04-11T13:57:00.001-07:00

Or Der Untergang which is a much better title, but does sound a bit like it would be about a whacky German bigger gang.

It’s actually about the final days of the Third Reich, mainly focusing on the events that occurred in Der Fuhrerbunker. When Hitler had completely lost his shit and gave orders to use troops that didn’t exist, the Allies and Ruskies were closing in on all sides, everyone was offing themselves and Adolf Xbox Live account had been cancelled.

Okay, so the last one if from one of the many You Tube videos that have redone subs. And can be rather funny.

I actually listened to a radio drama not so long ago that dealt with the same subject matter. I don’t know if it used the same sources for its information, and it was mainly about Adolf and Eva, but it showed a bit of a human side to one of histories greatest monsters too. Not as adequately though.

It’s a tough task, and a very fine line to walk. Who wants to feel a bit sorry for fucking HITLER of all people? But you kind of do. Particularly if you switch your brain to the other side of the coin for a minute. Or just see what a broken pitiful wreck of a human being he was at this point. It does show one very important thing though. Hitler was a vegetarian that didn’t drink or smoke. So always offer someone you don’t know a steak, a fag and a bottle of beer. If they turn down all three, shoot them in the face and save the world some bother.

I did learn a few things from the film. I had to idea that Goebbels was knocking about with as much influence towards the end, or that he was a Dick Cheney like figure. Things may have run a bit more smoothly at the finish if it wasn’t for that bastard as someone might have been able to talk some sense in to Hitler. Probably not though.

And there are parts of the movie that are quite heartbreaking. Two, well three but two big ones, that effected the actors themselves. One in particular that just showed how brain washed and flat out mental many involved where. If you’ve seen it you probably know what I’m talking about. It’s very sad.

Over all this is well handled, manages to walk any fine lines very well, and doesn’t glamorise or demonise anyone in particular. It just shows them as real, probably mentally challenged or deficient, people. Bruno Ganz and all involved to a damned fine job, and the whole thing looks great. As a history lesson pretty much everyone should watch this.

And if it helps, even though she’s dead, I don’t blame Traudl Junge at all. Assuming what she says is true she won’t have had anything truly awful crossing her desk, and she probably didn’t help or hinder anything. In much the same way as I don’t think the bankers secretaries should feel sorry for the financial collapse I don’t think she did anything wrong.

If you do, and everyone can have an opinion, it might help to know that she didn’t walk out fine. She was captured and repeatedly raped by the Russians. Technically the good guys. I’m glad that’s not in the movie…

Next up: The Hidden Fortress. More subtitles!

Movie 100: Dead Snow

2010-04-10T14:18:00.000-07:00

Holy shit, 100 movies? Really?! Time for Zombie Nazis then!

A group of young medical students head up to a cabin in the Norwegian mountains for an Easter weekend of beer and fucking about. On the first night, Grandpa Exposition comes up and tells the story of some truly nasty Nazis that were stationed there during the war who took everyones shit and ran in to the hills when the people revolted. They laugh him off, but when they find a box full of gold and valuables the Nazis come a knocking

This movie is trying to be Shaun of the Dead, at least at first. In fact, the director even rips off Ed Wrights quick cut close ups trademark. It’s not Shaun of the Dead. The dialogue in the first half isn’t witty enough, the plot is pretty standard slasher fare and they aren’t technically up against zombies.

In fact if the whole film was like the first half it wouldn’t be all that good. But come the second half it just goes bat shit crazy. Blood, guts and brains fly and it’s actually funnier. It’s like a bigger budget Troma movie with decent special effects.

The second half will probably not be to your liking if you don’t like gore. Because there is a LOT of claret up on the screen. A LOT. And as I said, these aren’t shambling undead braindeads, or even fast ones. The Nazis seem to be intelligent, though they can’t talk, and seem to be relatively mortal. Tough, but there doesn’t seem to be any need to smash the head in.

It’s worth sticking through the first half, not that it’s that bad, if you don’t mind guts though. This is the most batshit insane horror movie I’ve seen in a while. In addition to Troma, it also brought to mind Peter Jackson’s earlier work. Colin wouldn’t be out of place with a belt around his head to keep his brain in here.

I don’t want to say too much as it is quite original in execution and I don’t want to give anything away. But if they make a Dod Sno 2 I’ll be there.

Next up: Downfall. More Nazis!

Movie 99: It’s Complicated

2010-04-09T13:40:00.001-07:00

Jane (Meryl Streep) is divorced from Jake (Alec Baldwin). He’s remarried, but she’s kind of lonely. On a trip to see one of their kids graduate the two end up spending an evening together and hooking up. They then have an affair, but things are further complicated as a nice guy, Adam (Steve Martin) her architect, starts being an option for Jane.

I am 20 years too young and have too much of a penis for this movie.

That said, it wasn’t a horrendous watch. And not for the reasons I expected either. Meryl’s character is fine, she’s a bit shallow and silly but the fact is you never really grow out of that. I didn’t expect her to draw me in really anyway as I can’t identify with a 50+ year old woman. I did expect to get a few laughs out of Baldwin’s character though.

I didn’t. He’s a shit. He’s a slimy, creepy, controlling asshole who wants his cake and everyone elses cake too. He just oozes greasy. Think his character from 30 Rock, but badly written and without any charm. That’s Jake. You could empathise with him if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s so damned selfish.

John Krasinski from the office is one of the reasons to see this. He’s not given a hell of a lot to do, but he’s good in every scene that he shows up in. He’s kind of playing another version of Jim but that’s okay. He’s not the surprise though.

Steve Martin is the surprise. He’s not amazingly brilliant, but he is damned good and Adam is the most likeable character in the film. He’s not quite correctly written either, there’s a twisted bit that felt very much like it was written by a woman that doesn’t quite get nice guys. By twisted I don’t mean that he’s in to whips, I mean a plot twist. But he’s a genuinely likeable character, he’s funny and he’s charming. THIS is the kind of role that Martin should be playing more now, though in better written movies.

That surprise aside, and Jim, unless you’re a middle aged divorcee you should probably just leave this one alone. It’s not complicated, though it’s not TOO formulaic towards the end, and its not all that well written.

Next up: Dead Snow. ZOMBIE NAZIS!

Movie 98: 88 Minutes

2010-04-08T13:26:00.001-07:00

Jack Gramm (Al Pacino) is forensic psychologist who’s testimony lead to serial killer Jon Forster being put away. On the day that Forster is due to be executed, some copy cat murders show up and Jack gets a call telling him that he has 88 minutes to live.

What follows is a tense, real time thriller full of twists and turns that keep you on the edge of your seat. Apparently. That’s not what showed up on the screen. What showed up on the screen was a discarded episode of Lie To Me that they didn’t use because it was a bit shit.

It’s not horrendous, it’s just a bit crap. I never really felt any tension. I wasn’t 100% sure who the bad guy was, but it ended up being on of the couple of candidates. I hope Al Pacino bought a boat or something with the pay check as then someone will get a decent amount of entertainment from this. No idea why he was in it.

The acting at times is slightly elevated from porn level, the rest of the time its just fine. It’s actually a shame as one guy I’d like to see getting lots of work, Ben Mackenzie who played Ryan in the OC, is very briefly in this and he does a fine enough job with a non existent character.

They seem to set things up to be full of potential suspects, but it never really is. I think Ben’s character is meant to be one but he shows up 3 times in the whole movie. Just pick the person you think is kind of creepy and you’ll probably hit the nail on the head.

And its not in real time either. I think it might make a valiant effort at it, until the end. There’s 15 minutes to go and Al Pacino drives what appears to be across Seattle and wanders about a college campus with a good 5 minutes to spare. I don’t know Seattle all that well, but you’d be hard pressed to do that in Inverness and its bound to be WAY smaller. Particularly as he sits looking at some files at a red light for a good 3 or 4 minutes. You’d think they’d have stuck to the real time aspect at least, but no.

The whole thing is under written too, with a few character moments that are really forced. I’d just avoid it entirely if I was you.

Next up: It’s Complicated

Movie 97: Inkheart

2010-04-07T13:57:00.000-07:00

Mo Folchart (Brendan Fraser) discovers that when he reads from a book he can draw the characters in to the real world. Tragically, as his wife then vanishes in to the book. The evil characters that he draws out destroy his copy of the story and he goes on a quest to find another so he can get his wife out. Years later he’s still on his quest, but the bad guys have other plans for the ‘silvertongue’

As I’ve said before, I like Brendan Fraser. He seems to just make these family adventure type films but he’s really good at it. While Inkheart isn’t amazing, it is a good family adventure.

It’s quite a clever concept which allows the script/novel writers to use pretty much any character from literature that they choose too. Unfortunately they don’t go for all that much variety here, but the one book they lie heavily on (besides the fake book of the title) is The Wizard Of Oz. I love The Wizard of Oz. And while I could nit pick that they get the flying monkeys wrong and go along with the movie version (the book versions are more intelligent and not really evil) that’s an understandable think to do as world wide people are more familiar with the film.

The cast is all good. The aforementioned Fraser does his thing, more seriously than normal as his character isn’t really in it for the yuks. He’s a single father trying to get his wife back. Andy Serkis in non heavily made up or CGI’d form for once is a very good Capricorn, a big bully who’s not as tough as he wants everyone to think. He’s surrounded by comedy henchmen including Matt King who comes across as a semi-twin for Mackenzie Crook, which gives the henches a similar feel to the pirates from the Caribbean. Jim Broadbent, as the books author, feels a fair bit like Slughorn here too though this was a year earlier than his Potter turn. So while this doesn’t directly borrow from children’s films in the same way as it borrows from books, it has the same over all vibe.

Paul Bettany’s Dustfinger is a reluctant hero type who never acts truly heroic but eventually gets there. Sorry if that’s a spoiler, but I’m pretty sure he shows those kind of characteristics early on. He wants back in to the book, but is also terrified as he dies at the end of it. It’s a very rounded portrail of a character that could have been terrible. He blows fire out of his hands and has a ferret for a best mate after all…

And to add some class, there’s Helen Mirren as the feisty granny who loves books more than people. It’s Helen Mirren. She’d be good in a Tellytubbies movie. And if this is worth watching for anything, its worth watching for (SPOILER) the shot of Helen Mirren coming to the rescue on the back of a Unicorn with a minotaur and flying monkeys. Name one other movie that gives you THAT!

We just missed one, but there’s another couple coming up. So if Inkheart is on, consider this a good bank holiday watch that will shut kids up and keep you entertained too.

Next up: 88 Minutes

Movie 96: Yes Man

2010-04-06T12:55:00.000-07:00

Carl (Jim Carrey) has a very boring life. He closes himself off from everyone and says no a lot. He runs in to an old friend while have lunch one day, and he turns him on to a self help program where you say yes to everything. Reluctant at first, Carl goes to a seminar and makes a covenant to say yes. And it starts to bring him some good results.

Jim Carrey is 48. When this was made, he was 46. Zooey Deschanel, the romantic interest, was 28. I give you these facts for one very important reason. Carrey is a little bit too old for this role.

Not so much for the love story with Zooey’s character. You never hear what Carl’s age is, I’m guessing he’s meant to be mid thirties, and they don’t look like father and daughter or anything. But he doesn’t look young enough. When he’s doing his mugging thing, and he does it a LOT, you can see the lines. Now I have no problem with people getting older, but I do if they are cast wrong. I wouldn’t cast myself as a 16 year old high school student after all.

And the mugging is the second big problem. Carrey can act, he can over act. I’m sure he can do the middle. And that’s what the material called for. There’s no need for Yes Man to come across as Liar, Liar 2. It’s good material, it would have worked a lot better if he’d dialled it back a little. Of course I wouldn’t have cast him in the first place because of the age issue, but still…it would have worked if it was down a notch or two. And he can’t act drunk for shit.

Those complaints aside, it’s a pretty decent movie. It’s also a good message. We should all probably say yes to more things. I know I’ve probably spent the odd night in that I didn’t have to. The one thing I can think of is that I didn’t go down to my girlfriends sisters about a year ago for an impromptu music festival thing. Can’t remember why, but I should have just gone as it looked like it was a great time. I’ll be going next time for sure.

The supporting cast in this is all fine. Bradley Cooper is the cool best friend, like everything else Bradley Cooper is in at the moment. Which is everything. And I’m fine with that as I liked him a lot as Will in Alias and hoped he’d make it big. And I love Zooey Deschanel, I don’t care what anyone else says. No idea why Terrance Stamp is in this as the Yes Guru, pay reasons probably. Should have been Danny Wallace.

Because this is based on a Danny Wallace non fiction book. There’s a lot of that at the moment. Apparently the fiction section isn’t big enough for Hollywood any more. A number of films are being based on non fiction work for some reason, maybe the rights are cheaper…

Bank holiday watch at best I’d say, unless you’re a huge Carrey fan. I like him, but I like him to act more now. Unless it’s a kids or family movie. Or the Number 23. That was fucking AWFUL

Next up: Inkheart

Movie 95: I Love You Man

2010-04-05T11:36:00.000-07:00

Peter (Paul Rudd) is a semi-successful realtor, he’s possibly going to make it to the big time if he sells Lou Ferrigno’s place, who’s getting married to Zooey (Rashida Jones). There’s just one problem, he doesn’t really have any guy friends to make up a wedding party. Or to just hang with. So his family and her friends start setting him up on some man dates to try and make some. It doesn’t really work out, until he runs in to Sydney (Jason Segel) at one of his open houses and the two hit it off.

And, as I’ve probably said about 30 times already, hilarity does ensue. It really does. I lolled all over the place. Not that it’s a perfect movie or anything.

Lets get the bad out of the way first. The first half hour doesn’t work all that well. Paul Rudd does very well at being a cynical wise ass, Peter isn’t that at all. So it’s a little bit of miscasting that only hurts in the first section as he’s not entirely believable. Not that he’s doing a bad job, cause god forbid a motherfucker stretches once in a while. That’s a Kevin Smith quote which always comes to mind if someone complains about casting slightly out of type. And Rudd does fine, I just think the script and character might be a little weak here.

The plot is also a little weak at the two thirds mark. Character actions, this follows the rom com formula so you know what happens at this kind of point, aren’t all that realistic and they kind of OVER react to things without much reality. And the film seems to forget its own passage of time. For the whole movie they seem to have been together for 8 months, but the course of the film has to be at least 2 months. You don’t feel like no time has passed, but it’s a script mistake that smacked me in the face a few times.

But that’s more or less all the bad. Paul Rudd and Rashida Jones have very good chemistry in this. They’re an extremely believable couple, and apart from a few weak scenes he fits the bill for his character. It’s something I can identify with as I’m a bit short on the male friends myself. I say a bit short, I mean I don’t have any close ones really. The guy I refer to as my best friend is someone I haven’t seen in about a year and a half and haven’t had any contact with in about 4 months. But life happens, we’re still friends. Whether I’d be his best man or not I have no idea, but I doubt it. So that’s my closest guy mate. I get where this character is, and I found the portrayal at times very spot on.

The reason this really works is obviously the OTHER relationship. Jason Segel’s Sydney is a likeable as hell guy. He’s kind of the opposite of his How I Met Your Mother character in some ways, similar in others. But just an all round nice guy you’d like to hang out with. And his chemistry with Rudd is perfect. They’re realistic guy mates. At least the kind of guys who’s life doesn’t revolve around football (soccer for the international folks) and Jordan’s tits.

The cast is rounded out with Jaime Pressly (Joy from My Name Is Earl) at her least trailer trashy, Jon Faverau as her dick head husband (strange pick that), JK Simmons and Jane Curtin as Peter’s parents and of course Lou Ferrigno being himself. Plus a bunch of others I hadn’t really seen before, or pop up now and again. Not quite all star, but indie feeling in the good way.

Obviously I can’t say how women will like this, but dudes who aren’t the aforementioned type and are in their late 20’s should love it. Or older, cause we never grow up. I dunno if kids will dig Rush…

Next up: Yes Man. I seem to have a “comedies with Man in the title” theme going on…

Movie 94: Kick Ass

2010-04-04T08:09:00.000-07:00

This right here? This is me passing the amount of movies I watched last year. Technically it’s the next one as I’ve reviewed way ahead, but I wanted the Kick Ass review out as quickly after I’d seen it as possible and at time of writing I planned to see it on Saturday.

And I did see it on Saturday. I love it when a plan comes together. Right, plot.

Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) is a comic book nerd and all round unremarkable kid who asks himself the question “Why does no one dress up and fight crime in real life?” and then decides to do just that. What a run on sentence. Anyway, giving himself the name Kick Ass he heads out and is promptly badly fucked up. After a long recuperating period he has more metal in him than the tin man, and some nerve damage that means he doesn’t feel pain so much. Instead of giving up, he goes out again with some better success. A video of him on You Tube becomes a sensation, but unfortunately local mobsters give him credit for the work of the more capable team of Big Daddy and Hit Girl. Kick Ass is in over his head…

Sorry if you think that’s spoilerific, but it shouldn’t ruin anything. Before seeing this movie I hadn’t heard a single bad review for it, ignoring places like the Daily Mail that get mad about 11 year olds saying cunt and stabbing people. And that’s fitting. It’s a damned good film, not perfect, but really good. Particularly the last 30 minutes which as mind blowingly brilliant.

The bad comes from the fact that this is a first film in a super hero, well hero, franchise. Spider-Man and The X Men aren’t as good as Spider-Man 2 and X2. Same goes form Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. Because you have to set up the characters and the world there’s inevitable slow parts, and Kick Ass has that problem too. But that’s understandable and completely fine.

Unfortunately the comic came out right when I stopped reading comics. I have issue 1 and that’s it. From what I’ve heard it follows the comic story very closely which is a good thing.

Aaron Johnson does a fine job as the main character, being very nerdy out of costume and a bit more confident in it. Kick Ass isn’t really a major stand out character though, even though we pretty much follow him all the way through. He is my kind of hero though. I’m a big fan of old school Jackie Chan and the 80’s Bruce Willis hero type. I like my guys to take a shit kicking before they come back.

The bad guys, while generic gangster types, don’t suffer from the B grade problem I had with the Punisher. These are proper wise guys, with witty dialogue. And they’re well developed as there’s hints at a side life. Obviously with one of the main characters being the mobsters son you get side lines like planning to go to the movies while someone is whacked in the background. There’s a lot of funny dialogue between these guys and it works very well.

As for the professional heroes, Nic Cage is Big Daddy here. I actually though Big Daddy could have done with some more dialogue in costume for the joke to work. He has plenty of character development, but without more room the “Adam West Batman” accent joke doesn’t QUITE work. I still found it funny.

The stand out of the whole movie, and the biggest controversy, is Hit Girl. Big Daddy’s 11 year old daughter who he’s been training for the last 6 years to be a 4 foot killing machine in pig tails. She. Is. Awesome. And not just the ass kicking parts. Those scenes to stand out, and they are rather brutal, but in the non-killing people parts Chloe Moretz comes across at times a harden little bitch and others as the vulnerable little girl that she is. She feels like a mini Bride at times and I’m not sure if that was deliberate homage in the way it was shot, but Hit Girl is the Tarantino character that Tarantino never had the balls to put to celluloid.

And that’s one of the big things about this film. I can’t see a studio ever letting this get finished the way that it came out. It’s not the most shocking film ever made, or the most controversial, but its enough that the big studios wouldn’t touch it. So they made it themselves then found distrubtion. Big risk, but big rewards.

This isn’t for everyone, but by the fact that your reading a blog review by a nobody who uses an 80’s TV character as a pseudonym and its on the internet says that its no doubt for you. Go enjoy, and I expect Kick Ass 2 will probably be even better.

On a side note for the locals, I plumped for the VIP seats in Vue for this one. It’s only £1.30 more after all. Not sure if I’m sold on them. If you with someone, don’t bother. Your that little bit too far apart to be able to talk (before the movie, maybe during the ads and I like to say something about the trailers) and you’ll feel like your there on your own. If your by yourself it might be worth it but I’m not sure if the seats are all that more comfy. Would be nice if they were tilted back a bit more, but I’m a bit of a sloucher.

Next up: I Love You Man

Movie 93: What Just Happened?

2010-04-04T08:08:00.001-07:00

A Hollywood producer (Robert De Niro) struggles with reconciling with his ex wife, getting a director to fix the end of his movie and convincing Bruce Willis to shave off a beard.

As thrilling as that sounds.

The big secret about the movie business is that it really quite dull. From the outside people things its very glamorous and exciting. On the inside, it’s a lot of sitting about and waiting for something to happen. I’ve made a few things myself, and the one short film that I wrote and directed comes out at about 8 minutes. It took 8 hours to make. If you include editing time its closer to 16. That’s one minute of film for every 2 hours of work, and that was super fast guerrilla film making with no extra footage to cut out. So that should give you an idea of how exciting making a film actually is.

The film really should be called “what was the point of that?” as that’s its main problem. Trying to get an edit done on a movie and a beard shaved off would only work if it had a sharp, witty script. It doesn’t. Which is a shame.

A film starring Robert De Niro, Sean Penn, Stanley Tucci, Catherine Keener, Bruce Willis, John Turturro and Michael Wincott shouldn’t be boring. This is. In fact the best thing for me was seeing Wincott in something for once. I love that guy, he should be in more films.

If you’re a movie producer, you might enjoy this. If not, you probably won’t. It feels extremely under developed. If this had been done in the style of In The Loop it might have been decent, as it stands its just half baked.

Next up: Kick Ass!

Movie 92: Punisher – War Zone

2010-04-02T15:26:00.001-07:00

The Punisher is back, and he’s played by a different actor which is always a bad sign. However this isn’t a sequel, it’s a reboot. Which is also a very bad sign. Particularly as I liked the first one. Anyway, plot.

Frank Castle aka The Punisher has racked up a basement of files worth of kills. When going after some mafia guys he leaves one in a glass recycling pit and accident kills an FBI mole. Torn by the fact he killed a good guy, Frank is all for hanging up his guns. But the mafia guy survived, coming back as the mangled villain Jigsaw, and Frank has to protect the FBI moles family and stop him.

I whole heartedly agree with Thomas Jane, original director Jonathan Hensleigh and The Shield writer Kurt Sutter that the way to go with this was a more real world approach. The Punisher fits in to the Marvel universe just fine, but the more comic book like elements only work when there’s a comic book world. Not a more or less realistic one like features in this movie.

A villain like Jigsaw just seems ridiculous here. Particularly as he only seems to have a scarred up face and not his whole body. They didn’t go far enough. And his brother, Looney Bin Jim, would be fine if there was anything else crazy in the film. But there isn’t really, apart from some hyped up gore. Which is fine in and of itself.

Frank Castle is a very staid character. He’s extremely serious. So his world should be serious. The film is just tonally off. The main guy is serious, much of the rest isn’t except when it is.

I really can’t complain about Ray Stevenson as he’s not a bad actor, but I think Jane would have been a bit better. However, the villains at the start come across as second rate Soprano’s extras. And for some reason there’s a Jamaican looking guy with a TERRIBLE intermittent Oirish accent who does some ridiculously half assed Parkour with his friends who’s a bit of a throw away villain.

This could have been decent. With more realistic, or even possibly more outlandish if they threw in some cross references, villains, if Micro had been around more to give some levity to the situation, if the aforementioned shitty villains had been dropped, and if the tone had been consistent it would have been alright. But none of that is the case. The couple of twists in the film are predictable, and its all over the bloomin place.

I’d just skip it if I were you. Not that its HUGELY terrible, it’s just not any good…

Next up: What Just Happened?

Movie 91: One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

2010-04-01T13:08:00.001-07:00

A wiseass, R P McMurphy (Jack Nicholson), scams his way in to the nut house as he thinks it will be easier than the work detail in prison. When he gets there he rebels against head nurse Ratched (Louise Fletcher). The he finds out that he won’t simply serve his time, but will be there until they decide he’s fit to leave. He then decides to bust out, after rebelling some more.

This is critically lauded, loved by pretty much everyone and has a hell of a cast. BUT it didn’t do much for me.

Its not terrible, I just wasn’t blown away and I wondered what the big hoo ha was about. Yes everyone does a good or great acting job, more or less, but it just seemed pointless and drifty.

I go in to anything with Louise Fletcher ready to hate her character. This is due to being a big fan of Deep Space 9. Kai Winn is an UTTER two faced bitch. And I’ll admit I have trouble separating the actress from that. Which should have worked for this movie, as Nurse Ratched is supposed to be a tyrant and complete bitch. But I never fully bought that she was. She does some nasty stuff, one or two things, but nothing full on out of no where and malicious. She’s not all that terrible. So I don’t quite get it.

All the nuts more or less stay nuts through the movie too. McMurphy gets the Chief out of his shell somewhat, and until Ratched fucks it up he may also have helped Billy, but there’s not enough character development for me. However I’ll avoid re-writing the movie to what I think would have worked better for once.

As for the cast. Well this is Christopher Lloyd’s first movie, and he’s in his full wide eyed glory here. And I didn’t realise that that was Danny De Vito as Martini. Scatman Crothers guard, Turkle, is the second most likeable character next to the Chief. And Brad Dourif is great as Billy. He’s one of those actors that I think should be everywhere as he’s damned good at what he does, but that’s a bit of an issue with being a character actor. Your either everywhere or not. Not that he hasn’t been busy.

So honestly I don’t think this is anything special, but maybe you shouldn’t take my word for it as I appear to be swimming against the tide. Personally I’d have given best picture that year to Jaws…

Next up: Punisher – War Zone

Movie 90: Citizen Kane

2010-03-31T13:47:00.000-07:00

Newspaper magnate and overall incredibly rich man Charles Foster Kane (Orson Welles) passes away, leaving a large collection of statues and other stuff and a mystery. What does his last word, Rosebud, refer to? A reporter sets out to find out

Greatest movie of all time? No. But it is bloody good.

Now obviously I knew what Rosebud was before seeing the movie. I’m 30, it’s a bit like knowing what the moon is or that water is wet at this point. Thankfully that doesn’t really detract from anything. It is quite a poignant end to the movie and gives it a big bit of psychological weight, or leave room for analysis, but its not really what the film is about. This is a character piece.

And I was surprised at how funny it is. When you hear Greatest movie you expect something quite dull, serious and boring as hell. I should have known better. As many of you know, I’m a voice actor. Or trying to be. I listen to quite a few podcasts, and a few of them are what’s called OTR now. Old Time Radio. Primarily the OTR Swagcast and the Zombie Astronauts Frequency of Fear. You should check them out, they’re very good. So I’ve heard a fair few productions by the Mercury Theater before now. Possibly my favourite bit of OTR is the famous War of the Worlds one. But they all feature very good acting and writing, and that’s where the folks in this movie came from.

I love me a character piece and that’s what this is. Told in a non-linear fashion, it’s the rise and fall of Kane. A man who started with nothing, became one of the richest men in the world, and died with…well not nothing but not in his prime. And its fantastically written and acted.

Much like I Live In Fear there’s a lot of actors here playing older than they are. The make up is fantastic, they all look convincing at whatever age they are meant to be. While some of the acting is a little off here and there, it’s over all very well done. Particularly by Mr Hyphen himself, Orson Welles. He knocks it out of the park.

And yes, it looks pretty damned good. A little beat up at the stage, but its impressively shot. And it pioneered some techniques which have influenced film making in an Avatar style way (though with more reaching impact than I can ever see that film having).

I don’t really need to recommend this. It has a 100% Fresh rotten tomatoes rating. Ironically if RT was about in 1941 it would probably have been a lot lower than that. Anyone who likes films will enjoy this movie and be entertained through out, but I’m not guaranteeing that it will be your favourite film. It’s not mine, but I sure did like it.

Next up: One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

Movie 89: Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist

2010-03-30T14:40:00.001-07:00

Nick (Michael Cera) was dumped a month ago, but he can’t quite get over his completely wrong for him ex and keeps making her mix CDs. Norah (Kat Dennings) plucks these CDs from the trash when the ex chucks them, and falls for the man making them. The two bump in to each other at one of Nick’s bands gigs, but the two’s baggage is ever present.

This is a very frustrating movie. I found myself yelling at Norah to just tell him about the mixes, and at Nick to stop obsessing over his vapid ex who is far form right for him. The problem is that it’s pretty true to life.

I’m not old enough to have forgotten the kind of girls you can get all wrapped up in when your younger. So Nick being head over heels for a complete idiot isn’t unrealistic in the least. Being the arty type I can relate a bit, though I was hardly a hit with the ladies back then. Or probably now. And while its realistic it lets the film down a little as what would be frustrating to witness as a friend is even more frustrating as a viewer. Nick and Norah are so ridiculously right for each other that watching them fumble it so much for the first hour is just annoying. At times anyway.

Norah is damned adorable. She’s the kind of girl that I would have KILLED to have known back in the day. She’s also some kind of weird combination of my ex and my current partner too which made this film a lot easier, and slightly weirder, for me to relate to. How anyone couldn’t fall for this girl I’d never understand.

The film has other weak points outside the frustration at the story between the two leads. Norah’s drunk friend provides some gross out humour which didn’t really seem to fit the film and didn’t sit all that right with me at times. It drags at points, and feels over all a bit disjointed.

It does have an excellent sound track though. Not QUITE as excellent as I hope for going in, but still very good stuff if you like indie music. Which I do. I felt slightly cheated by the fact the Vampire Weekend, who’s name you can see in the titles, don’t seem to show up until the end credits. And I really wanted Fluffy to be an actual band that you could here rather than a set up and maguffin.

It’s a good coming of age love story, but not a great one. The two leads are excellent. Cera is realistic as the love struck emo idiot, and Norah as I’ve said is someone who’s easy to feel for. I wish it was more music nerdy though, and that there had been more close play rather than devisive play with the two main characters for the first two thirds. Not amazing, but very decent.

Next up: Citizen Kane. No that’s not a joke.

Movie 88: I Live In Fear

2010-03-29T14:04:00.000-07:00

Kiichi Nakajima (Toshiro Mifune) is an elderly foundry owner who is terrified of being killed by an H Bomb, so he decides to move his family to Brazil where its safe. His family doesn’t want to go so they take him to a family court to declare him unfit. But if he really wrong to be worried?

Well yes and no. Part of this film working is putting yourself in to the time period. 1955, Japan. The only country to have had two H bombs dropped on it. EVERYONE must have been at least a bit scared, but as many characters say in the movie “there’s not much you can do about it so don’t let it bother you”. Kiichi’s only really crime is worrying too much.

I grew up in the 80’s when the ever present threat of nuclear annihilation was still about. Technically it still is, but we were more worried then because of the cold war. And every now and again it would cross my mind. If someone had nuked Glasgow and Dundee 10 years before though I think I’d have worried a lot more. Though someone COULD nuke Dundee and no one would notice. There’d be less mutants actually.

But I digress. A film like this could easily have an unsympathetic main character, though he’s observed more than front and center a lot of the time. He’s a bit nuts, he’s against his own family and he’s being obsessive about something he shouldn’t be. But if you go with the time period, or even if you don’t, you can see where he’s coming from.

This is a film from two Japanese masters, which doesn’t hurt. Akira Kurosawa is accepted as one of the best directors of all time, and he’s probably inspired your favourite director. This is only the second of his movies that I’ve seen, the other being Stray Dog. Stray Dog is about a policeman trying to find his lost gun. And it’s a damned good film. It has one thematic thing in common with I Live In Fear, that doesn’t sound like a whole lot of material. And it isn’t, but it works for Stray Dog. Unfortunately that’s not quite the case with I Live In Fear. The film occasionally drags on for longer than it really should. It’s far from bad though.

The performances help a lot, particularly from Mifune. If you look at him in this film you wonder how he survived until 1997. He looks and acts like a man in his late 50’s or 60’s. He’s 35. It’s a subtle performance, the character ranges from very staid to wildly erratic, and Mifune nails it to the wall. Without knowing who it was you could think it’s a great performance by a veteran actor, when it’s actually a fantastic performance by a relatively young actor. Let’s see R-Patz do that!

Whether you should hunt this out or not depends on a few things. 1) Do you like old movies? 2) Do you like Japanese movies? 3) Do you like the old Twilight Zone series? It feels a lot like one of those by the time things are said and done, so I’d let 3 be the biggest factor.

Btw, my enjoyment might have been hampered somewhat by slightly wonky subtitles on the BFI release of this movie. I’m assuming it’s a universal thing but it might have been troubles with my computers DVD software. Either way, if you in the UK you might have some missing text and the like. Which is a shame.

Next up: Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist

Movie 87: Thick As Thieves

2010-03-28T14:59:00.001-07:00

Master thief Ripley (Morgan Freeman) recruits younger thief Gabriel (Antonio Banderas) to help him steal some Faberge, I think, eggs from Romanov’s jewellers. A theft that should be damned near impossible. All the while, they are watched and hounded by Lt Weber (Robert Forster) who’s been trying to nab Ripley for years.

If you haven’t seen this you wouldn’t be mistaken in thinking that you have. It’s not all that original. In fact, it’s not really at all original. But that can be fine. Unfortunately it’s not all that great either.

There’s good points. Morgan Freeman is always good, no matter what he’s in. And I would have liked to have seen more interplay between him and Forster, the old cop and old thief that have been dancing partners for years. There’s not quite enough of that. The chemistry between Freeman and Banderas is pretty good too. And the way they get around the security is quite clever.

Unfortunately the heist part is pretty rushed. Not terribly, but it could have been fleshed out a bit more. It seems a little TOO easy. That’s not the films main let down.

The love story is atrocious. Antonio Banderas isn’t some kind of amazing latin lothario that can charm the pants off of any woman. Or if he is, he’s not anymore. And he certainly isn’t convincing as one in this film. All the love story between his character and Radha Mitchell’s does is slow the movie down to a grinding halt, and then drag the ending out by a couple of unnecessary minutes. They have zero chemistry. Well a little, but it’s not acted well enough to be believable and you’ll feel like the DVD has skipped a scene.

There’s some twists and turns, but it’s a familiar plot and no one should really come away shocked and awed. It actually made me wish there were earlier movies of Ripley as it was a good character for Freeman. He plays good bad guys along with, well God and Presidents. And this felt like it was a 4th or 5th in a series rather than a first film.

And probably last. Don’t rush to see it.

Next up: I Live In Fear. What the frak is that Dave?!

Movie 86: The Hunting Party

2010-03-27T15:44:00.001-07:00

Celebrated war reporter Simon Hunt (Richard Gere) has a melt down on air during the Bosnian war and kills his career. His camera man, Duck (Terrence Howard) gets a promotion and a cushy job in New York. 5 years after the war has ended he returns with the station anchor and new kid at the station Benjamin Strauss (Jesse Eisenberg). Hunt meets up with his old partner and tells him he has a fantastic story, he knows where wanted war criminal The Fox is. Reluctantly, Strauss and Duck join up with Hunt and head out in to the wilds…

There’s one thing British films do really well. Serious as fuck, with very dark comedy. The US not so much, though they manage it sometimes. This is one of those times.

I vaguely remember the Bosnian conflict. I know it was pretty damned horrible, but I don’t know all that much about the history during and since outside of that. This film does serve as a bit of an education. And as many good political stand ups know, you learn more if you have the odd laugh. This is why The Daily Show’s viewers are the best informed in the US. It keeps your attention if there’s the odd dick joke.

This isn’t really all that base, and it will go from light hearted black humour like telling the kid to watch out for land mines to the main characters being shot at pretty damned quickly.

It all hinges on two things. A well written and worked out plot that gives the characters good motivation, and good chemistry between the leads. Thankfully they got both things right. Hunt is out to get his career going again and for revenge, Duck is there to help out his friend and have some danger in his life again and Strauss is out to prove himself to his dad. And probably himself too.

There is a sense of danger here. They are in very rough and hostile country. There’s also plenty of comedy too as they play off each other, and encounter some quirky side characters. And it sticks a knife in now and again, particularly right before the end credits when you get some data points, with a political message and some satire. As it says at the starts everything is true except for the completely crazy stuff. The question is, what’s the crazy stuff? Personally I think some of that was true.

Its not quite a masterpiece but it did what a good movie should do. I was entertained through out. I cared about the characters, and I’m not much of a Gere fan. And it left me wanting to see more of these guys. So it’s worth a look.

Next up: Thick As Thieves

Movie 85: The Day The Earth Stood Still

2010-03-26T16:13:00.000-07:00

An extraterrestrial object is headed for Earth and lands in central park. An alien emerges but someone is trigger happy and pops him one. A giant robot follows him out, but he stops it from doing anything. After emerging from a biological shell the alien looks human and says he has a message for our leaders, but its decided he should be interrogated instead. A scientist helps him escape and tries to find out what he’s doing here as other spheres arrive.

I’m a big fan of the original. Well, I say big fan. I’ve seen it a few times and I think it’s a pretty intelligent 1950 B+ movie. It has a smart message, is well handled and is largely a character piece from what I recall. Low on the kaboom.

The new one isn’t quite that, but it came pretty close which is rather frustrating. I wish they’d kept the ships ship looking instead of big glowing balls, but that’s not a big deal. I’m glad they kept Gort looking like Gort. I’m also glad that Keanu insisted that Klaatu Barrada Nikto was spoken in the film as its what the original is most known for.

I also think that Keanu was a very good choice for Klaatu. People complain about his acting not having much emotion in it, and that’s fine for this character. He really suited it. Updating the nuclear threat to a climate change one was also fine. However it would have been nice if he’d been allowed to say what it was at some point.

LET THE MAIN FUCKING CHARACTER SAY WHY THE FUCK HE’S HERE AND LET PEOPLE DECIDE!!!!!!!!

Ahem, excuse me. But seriously, why didn’t he take over global communications and give a message at some point? Have the normal people rise up and show that humans deserve a chance. This doesn’t happen, sorry if that’s a spoiler.

They missed the mark widely on two things. And yes this probably will get spoilerific. For a start, the kids character isn’t very believable and felt extremely underdeveloped. He didn’t have any realistic motivation. And his dead dad must have been a right prick before he died going by the way the kid thinks he would have acted.

Secondly, the international community puts NO visible pressure on the States to stop being dickheads and try talking. This is FAR to visible an alien encounter for them to be able to behave the way they did. That was massively unbelievable. The fact the aliens gave us basically no chance was unbelievable.

This IS a spoiler too. The fact that Klaatu was totally up for wiping the slate clean and changed his mind suddenly because of a kid and his mum crying and hugging is ridiculous. No effort was made to give him a decent reason. What I said up there about telling everyone and having the normal people rise up and say they want a change? THAT would have been good. It would have gotten the climate message across, heavy handedly I’ll admit but the original was hardly subtly, and it would have been realistic that he’d change his mind.

Also, keep Gort a robot. A giant robot blowing shit up is a lot cooler than a big swirly cloud of nanobots. Galactus in the second Fantastic Four movie kind of proved that.

The first hour is surprisingly decent and this wasn’t the dumb action movie I expected, but they flew far off course in the last third. Particularly Kathy Bates characters action towards the end when she KNOWS she’s doing the wrong thing and does it anyway.

Also, what the hell is supposed to happen next?!

Just go watch the original. Not that this is horrendous, but until I wrote this I didn’t get how much it had actually pissed me off. It’s a reverse grower…

Next up: The Hunting Party

Movie 84: The Spirit

2010-03-25T15:01:00.000-07:00

Denny Colt is a cop who was killed on the job, only to return from the grave for some unknown reason. Now more of less immortal he takes on the persona of The Spirit, protector of Central City. He fights his nemesis, the Octopus, an evil scientist who is also damned near impossible to kill.

Something like that, I dunno. There’s a lot missing from that synopsis but the one on IMDB appears to be about a different movie.

I SHOULD like the movie. It has numerous elements that I do like most of the time.

The style is very much Sin City, though you could throw in a bit of 300 and even Sky Captain. I really like all those films. In fact I think the reason that Frank Miller even got to make this is because he had a director credit on Sin City. It’s because you drew a comic Frank, not for any other reason. So I should like the look. And I do, but wasn’t wowed by it in any way. It felt overly stylised too, got a bit old.

It’s noir, or at least noir-ish. There wise cracking dialogue, sort of. The women are called dames a fair bit. The men all wear hats. It seems to be set in a version of the 20’s or 30’s that’s been transposed in to the current world with electronic money transfers and Kevlar vests. That’s the kind of thing I should like. But the dialogue doesn’t quite work most of the time.

Scarlett Johansson has probably never been as attractive as she is in this film. She’s made for the above time period and she looks gorgeous here playing a twisted scientist. Samuel L Jackson chews up the scenery as The Octopus, a completely off the wall villain who’s as nuts as a bag of crazy people. Louis Lombardi plays a large number of throw away hench clones, and they’re complete idiots who are occasionally funny. There’s nothing wrong with Gabriel Macht’s performance as The Spirit. Dan Lauria, the dad from The Wonder Years, plays a very good police chief and I always like seeing that guy. Eva Mendes doesn’t suck out loud, and the girl playing her as a kid in flash back (Seychelle Gabriel) might have a pretentious as fuck name, but she’s a good young actress.

It has a bunch of cats in it.

For all those reasons I should like this. Lots. I don’t. It’s meh. I don’t feel cheated for watching it. I don’t want to yell about how terrible it is, or tear it a new one. It just felt really really really long. It was kinda boring. It never gelled. It had trouble holding my attention. Thing is, I don’t really know WHY that’s the case.

Pretty much a complete waste of your time in my opinion and from all the scuttlebutt about it on the web. It’s a miss fire, but I couldn’t tell you exactly why it’s a miss fire…

Next up: The Day The Earth Stood Still. A remake of a film I really like. Hold on to your hats, it may not be a pretty blog…

Movie 83: Max Payne

2010-03-24T14:11:00.001-07:00

Max Payne’s (Mark Whalberg) wife is killed and he kind of loses his mojo, taking a desk on cold cases and trying to solve the unsolvable as the third killer is never found. His investigation leads him to a drug called Valkyre made by the pharmaceutical company she used to work for.

I actually don’t have that much to say about this movie. I haven’t played the game, but apparently it didn’t go down to well with fans. It’s overly convoluted and a bit boring to be honest. And from reading the trivia, doesn’t bear much relation to the games plot.

Which makes no sense. Why the hell wouldn’t they use the plot of a successful game instead of reworking it? This is why game adaptations rarely work…

There are some very pretty shots and some not bad acting but outside of that its all a bunch of nonsense. There’s some plot holes that make no sense and are never addressed. And why the drug isn’t called Berserker, considering its effects, I’ll never know.

Not really one to bother your arse with. Besides being a bit shiny it doesn’t have all that much to offer.

Next up: The Spirit

Movie 82: Ghost Town

2010-03-23T16:30:00.001-07:00

Bertram Pincus (Ricky Gervais) is a dentist who hates people. He’s generally just a bit of a prick. When he goes for a routine colonoscopy he insists on general anaesthetic, and dies for around 7 minutes. When he comes back he’s able to see the ghosts of dead people who can’t move on because of unfinished business. One of them, Frank (Greg Kinnear), smooth talks Pincus in to helping him move on by splitting up his wife and her new guy who he thinks is after her money.

I’ll say right now that I don’t jump for joy when I say the name Ricky Gervais. While he can be funny I think the guy is an arrogant prick. Basically the roles he plays, though the roles themselves are more human and vulnerable. Of course this is his public persona I’m going by, he might actually be a decent guy. ANYWAY what I’m saying is that I wasn’t particularly looking forward to this movie and the trailer didn’t make it look funny.

But it is. I wouldn’t say its hilarious, but it’s a funny little rom com type movie. Pretty predictable, nice little twist on a generic movie type. You know how its going to progress and how it will end, but it entertains you on the way there.

Gervais is somewhat toned down from full on snarky prick, his character isn’t particularly arrogant just a bit of a cynic.

Greg Kinnear’s character IS a prick, but he’s good at this kind of smooth bastard. The real good point is seeing Aasif Mandvi from The Daily Show getting to stretch some acting muscles in what is essentially a straight role. He’s a fine actor.

Another plus point. It has some opportunities for some very base gross out humour, and doesn’t take them. It would have hurt rather than helped the movie where as handling them subtly works really well. Take note, shit comedy directors. BUT it is a bit heavy on the fumbly speech where characters kind of stumble over each other for comedic effect. It works a couple of times, but starts to get a bit old before the film is done.

It’s a good bank holiday watch, or for a rainy Sunday or something. If you’re a Gervais fan you’ve probably already seen it, and if you haven’t should probably hunt it out. For the rest of you it’s the kind of movie that’s worth watching but not busting your gut to try and find or anything.

Next up: Max Payne

Movie 81: Three O’Clock High

2010-03-22T13:50:00.001-07:00

Rumours abound about the new kid in school, Buddy Revell. The all add up to him being a hard ass that doesn’t like to be touched. Jerry Mitchell, a bit of a dweeb, is tasked with writing an actual story about him for the school paper. When gives Buddy a friendly pat on the arm he’s in for a world of trouble as Buddy wants to fight him at 3pm. Jerry is having one of those days.

The film is basically about the outlandish steps that Jerry goes to to get out of the fight, the reactions of the other students, that kind of thing. It’s a John Hughes film, but not quite as good. Which is why its probably not as recognisable to most of you. It is the kind of thing we should all have watched when we were 14 or 15.

And I did. There’s two films that have stuck in my mind from late night accidental viewing from years ago. This, and another that I can’t quite remember the name of. It’s a nam film, shot like it’s a documentary crew following a squad of guys. I think it has .22 in the title. Think I found it a few years ago. I remember it being very good anyway.

This….well it isn’t VERY good but it is good. It’s hardly going to replace the Breakfast Club but the only thing that seems to have hurt it is a lack of names. Not quite a classic, but not bad for what it is.

There’s a few adults that are semi well known now. It’s got Jeffery Tambor and Mitch Pileggi in it. The main character has gone on to a shit load of TV appearances, and the bad guy seems to live in DTDVD land. He was a main character in a short lived 80’s detective show I also remember watching late at night/on video called Hardball. It lasted a season and its one of those shows no one really knows all that well but might vaguely remember. It’s possibly where I recognise him from. The guys actually really good at small expressions.

So check it out, or let the nerdy teenager you know have a look. I bought it for £3 and it wasn’t wasted.

Next up: Ghost Town

Movie 80: Role Models

2010-03-21T12:20:00.000-07:00

Wheeler and Danny work for an energy drink company, pushing Minotaur to kids instead of drugs. Danny is massively disgruntled, and when his girlfriend leaves him he loses his shit and drives the Minotaur truck on to a horse statue. Instead of jail the two are offered 150 hours of community service with a Big Brother style programme. Wheeler gets a young black kid with a foul mouth and an attitude, Danny gets a massive nerd who likes LARPing. Hilarity, for once actually doth, ensue.

It really does too. I laughed a lot at this. I expected to from the trailer, but with something like this it could easily go the other way and be painfully bad. Luckily it was rather good.

I’m a geek myself, obviously. And I probably could have been close to Chris Mitz-Plasse’s Augie if someone had chucked me a foam rubber and duct tape sword. I did used to Vampire LARP actually, but it was more staid than what you see here. This is actually where the film could have gone over the line for me but while there’s a fair bit of mocking, it’s handled in the right way. And that kind of shit IS pretty good fun if you don’t take it too seriously.

This is the first film I’ve seen CMP in as I haven’t seen Superbad (I know, it’s on the list) and Kick-Ass isn’t out for a few weeks. He’s pretty much the stereotypical geek here, but he plays it well so that’s fine. Bobb’e J Thompson is the little black kid who loves boobies. He shows good range and going by his IMDB is a busy little fucker. He plays one of Tracy Jordan’s kids in 30 Rock and that’s kind of what he comes across as, a young Tracy Jordan. Though less weird.

As for the adults, well Paul Rudd is never bad. He’s always kind of the same, a cynical wise ass kinda guy. I always find him funny though. Seann William Scott is Stifler again. Well, Stifler light. At this point I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that that’s all he can actually play and I assume that’s pretty much what he’s really like. But it’s fine in the same way that Adam Sandler (who can actually stretch) is fine. When he’s toned down a bit. I like Sandler when he isn’t a shouty spaz, I like Stifler when he’s the early American Pie Stifler. That character lost it when they took him too far. Same with Scott, he’s good when it doesn’t go too far.

With the side characters I guess the most important would be Jane Lynch. Like the other adults she’s doing what she always does. She’s a hard ass who spouts somewhat confusing nonsense and is slightly threatening most of the time. I happen to enjoy that, and she was a big part in hooking me on to Glee. You want some big screen Sue, you don’t have to go much further than this.
Well worth a look if your up for a laugh. It’s predictable, it follows the “things are bad, they get better, they fall in the shitter, everyone comes together to short things out” formula note for note, but it’ll entertain you all the way. Unless your easily offended.

But if you were, you probably wouldn’t read this shit fuck blog ass now would you? Bollocks.

Well done Dave, your showing how mature 30 year olds are.

Next up: Three O’Clock High. I’m cheating with this as I did see it once and it stuck with me. But it was many moons ago and I want to see if its STILL good. I’m allowed to cheat a little, it’s not like I’m going to count Clerks and do a review. I have to watch this again after all. What do you people want from me, I’m not getting paid dammit.

Movie 79: Righteous Kill

2010-03-20T12:34:00.002-07:00

Someone is killing criminals that have escaped justice. Veteran cops Rooster (Pacino) and Turk (De Niro) investigate, with the help of two younger detectives (Donnie Wahlberg and Johnny Legs). The team soon realise that its someone on the job that’s doing the killings and have to find out which of their own it is.

I really enjoyed this, but it’s apparently partly because I’m an idiot as I didn’t see the twist coming a mile away like everyone else. I can be an idiot that way sometimes when I just sit down to be entertained.

And I was. What you have here is four well played cops, all seem a bit bored with the job and crack wise. And you have two cops played by two very able veteran actors teaming up together for the first time. Pacino and De Niro make damned good partners, which makes sense as they’ve been dancing around each other for a couple of decades. This is the cop or gangster equivalent of Sly and Arnie having a punch up.

Or it would be if they didn’t share a scene in Heat. And if this wasn’t derided by fans and critics alike. It is a pretty standard cop thriller when you get down to it, the kind of thing that graces our screens on a daily basis. So don’t go in expecting anything remarkable. I went in with no major expectations and I think that might be WHY this has been lambasted so much, people expected a lot from what’s a basic procedural movie.

Outside of the two masters, the young cops are damned fine too if a little under drawn. John Leguizamo is a good actor when he’s given decent material, and a shitty actor when he’s making crappy films or has an annoying character. Here he’s good. And Marky Mark might be the Wahlberg with the Oscar nod, but Donnie is possibly the superior actor. He plays good cops. Apart from this check out Saw II (haven’t seen past that so can’t speak to how he does) or the mini series Kill Point. He’s basically playing the same character here, more or less, and he plays it well. Give him a gun and a badge and he’s a good actor.

He was also in New Kids On The Block, who I was a fan off. I wasn’t one of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Plus Donnie never fucked up a Planet of the Apes film, and he hasn’t sucked out loud in the last two things I saw him in. Mark has.

Yes, you can give me shit for the NKOTB thing. It was when I was a kid. No I’m not gay.

So if you go in to this with less than really high expectations and looking to enjoy an episode of Law & Order: Righteous Kill Unit you’ll like it. If you go in expecting the best cop movie ever made, you won’t. Quit all the bitching, it was entertaining enough even if I’m too dumb to see a twist coming.

Next up: Role Models

Movie 78: Mad Dog And Glory

2010-03-20T12:34:00.001-07:00

Wayne “Mad Dog” Dobie (Robert De Niro) is a timid cop with an ironic nick name who rarely draws his gun. When he’s caught up in a grocery store robbery he saves the life of Frank Milo (Bill Murray), a mobster and a stand up comic. The two become sort of friends and Frank gives Wayne Glory (Uma Thurman) for a week as a very awkward present.

This is a role reversal for the two male leads and essentially a character piece. Its also a lot more star packed now than it was at the time with the three I already mentioned and David Caruso as De Niro’s partner.

To get the tone of the movie out of the way before I talk about the performances, it has a good first half hour, a bit of a saggy middle then a very good last half hour. Unfortunately for that middle section I was wishing they’d made another movie. Mad Dog and Milo spend the night out on the piss basically. Mad Dog loves taking pictures, Milo does some stand up. They’re two guys on opposite sides who wish they were doing something else in their heart of hearts. A full on character piece with these guys would have been great, though I didn’t buy Murray as a gangster at this point, then the Glory thing kind of derails it for a while.

De Niro is very good in this, giving a discrete performance as an unremarkable cop. The relationship between him and Glory is believable and there’s one very awkward sex scene and another very realistic one. I know he’s a method actor, but I’m pretty sure it’s Jack Nicholson that’s claimed that he never faked a sex scene so I doubt he actually did it with Thurman. I wouldn’t be all that shocked if it turns out they had though. There’s a lot of little character moments for Bobby here and as expected of early 90’s De Niro he handles them well.

There’s not much to say about Uma’s Glory really. She’s good, but that’s all really. Vulnerable for the duration.

Murray really sold me after the first hour. He’s absent for quite a while and in the first Milo scenes it’s just Bill Murray really. He doesn’t have to be anything but nice. But when he has to flip that switch and be the nasty mob guy he really flips the switch. Bill Murray is fucking SCARY at times in this.

And Caruso… CSI Miami isn’t my favourite. I’m not actually a big CSI fan, but his character in that is a bit of a joke with the shades before the credits and the almost constant posing. I can only remember seeing him in two movies, this and Rambo. He’s a cop in both. And you could technically treat that as the CSI Miami characters career. He doesn’t have much to do in Rambo. Here he’s a guy who doesn’t take any shit and is a good partner. It’s actually the most likeable I’ve seen him. There’s a few lines that could have had a pause inserted then been followed with a YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH! But that’s the script. His performance on the whole is spot on and he’s a very enjoyable side character.

Reading the trivia they changed the characterisations of Mad Dog and Milo a bit after audience reactions which is a shame. They also added some stuff for Glory to make her more sympathetic, which I have less problems with. I’d love to see the pre-test screening version to see how Milo came out in that though as it was nice seeing Murray get a chance to stretch some nasty muscles.

Worth a look, and it only cost me a quid or two out of Morrisons.

Next up: Righteous Kill. More De Niro then.

Movie 77: My Bloody Valentine

2010-03-18T15:49:00.001-07:00

There’s a mining accident and presumably to survive one man kills the others trapped with him. When he awakens 1 year later he goes on a killing spree, murdering many hospital staff and a bunch of teenagers having a party in the mine. Ten years later one of the few survivors, the mine owners son Tom (Jensen Eckles) returns to sell the mine. And the killer returns from the dead and starts striking again.

I watched this in 2D which probably hurts the film a lot. The 3D shots are pretty glaringly in 3D. Stuff is lingered on or is strangely in focus, where it would have been thrown at you from the screen. It’s a slasher flick in 3D, lots of throwing and not a lot of depth. Anywhere really.

As slasher fair its not too bad. It harkens back to the old “guy in a mask” movies with plenty of relatively creative hacking and some tits. In fact to quote the Booger from Revenge of the Nerds “BUSH, WE’VE GOT BUSH!” All the nudity is collected in one extended sequence with a woman in a motel room then a parking lot nekked for about 5 minutes, so get your fill lads.

The gore is pretty decent, very well done actually without being too detailed like in modern torture porn movies.

You may have guessed that I’m not trying to review this as if it was a proper movie btw.

There’s people who’ve been cut in half, a few pick axes through the head, that kind of malarkey. I think the fact that it was in 3D may have given them some big challenges with the CGI as one shot where a girls head is cut in half with a spade early on looks damned cheesy.

If you like the old Friday the 13th movies, you’ll no doubt like this. If not, then probably not. I enjoyed it for what it was. They make an effort to keep you guessing as to who the killer is, and I frankly think they cheated a bit with that, but its not a movie that rests on plot. There’s a lot of clunky scenes. The acting is fine and I’m a big fan of Jensen Eckles so I might be being a little too forgiving.

Actually to be fair I’m a big fan of Supernatural. It’s a bit Dean light here, he’s dressed very similarly. The biggest thing the film left me wanting was a Supernatural movie of some kind. I think the show might have been picked up for a 6th season but the 5 year arc is done now so it’s about time Hollywood, get on it!

Next up: Mad Dog And Glory

Movie 76: My Best Friend’s Girl

2010-03-17T13:28:00.000-07:00

Tank (Dane Cook) is a professional asshole. Men hire him to take their recent exes on a horrendous date so that they’ll reconsider them and give them a second chance. When his best friend asks him to do this for him he’s hesitant but does it. Unfortunately things go to far with the girl and he ends up falling for her.

So far so formulaic. And it is relatively formulaic. The plot does twist and turn a fair bit though so it doesn’t SEEM as conventional. It fucks with the formula in the middle, but you still know what’s probably going to happen throughout.

I had a preconceived opinion of Dane Cook going in. A little unfairly as I haven’t seen him in anything but small side parts and actually have a few of his movies on the rental list. This is the first I’ve seen him in as the lead. I figured he was an unfunny douche bag. It turns out he’s actually a funny douche bag. And not a terrible actor by a long shot.

As I said it’s a formulaic movie, and it has a couple of glaring holes in it. The transition from reel two to three (around the hour mark in human speak) feels like its been trimmed. And there’s another part 15 minutes later that has the same issue. I’ve experienced problems with writing before where you get gnarled up, bang something simple out and intend to come back and untangle it later so your not bogged down and can get the story out. This may have happened, then the writers got a phone call and forgot to fix it.

It also wastes Alec Baldwin’s character. He’s found a new home in comedy, and he’s a funny guy. He’s a bit part in this. In fact most of the characters outside of the two main leads are quite sidelined. But it’s a stupid comedy not a character piece.

Cook carries it well with a realistic performance of a complete dick who isn’t actually a complete dick and might just be buying in to his own press a bit too much. There’s some genuinely entertaining stuff in this movie and its worth a look.

Just don’t expect it to re-invent anything too dramatically. There’s only so many wheels, and as long as you bring a little something to the table its okay to use the same old spokes. I think they might run through the formula twice actually…

OH and it’s pretty light on what I’d consider gross out stuff if you’re as sick of that shit as I am. Enough people eating poop then vomiting it on grandmothers people, it’s not funny (that doesn’t happen btw, but some comedy writer will probably steal it now)

Next up: My Bloody Valentine. In 2D so it might lose a fair bit of enjoyment. Couldn’t have seen it in 3D as I don’t think my local cinema HAD 3D when it came out. Vue, just fucking excellent as always. We don’t try because you have no choice.

Movie 75: Bedtime Stories

2010-03-16T16:02:00.000-07:00

Skeeter Bronson (Adam Sandler) is a hotel handyman who SHOULD be running the hotel if the owner had kept a promise he made to his father, but isn’t. Instead his arch rival is offered the job. Stuck looking after his niece and nephew, Skeeter tells them a bedtime story like his dad used to tell him. The story contains allegories for people in the real world, and some stuff he wishes would happen. When the events of the story appear to come true, including a rain of gumdrops, Skeeter tries to steer his life using the magical power of the stories.

It’s actually better than it sounds, for the most part. Or not quite as good as it sounds depending on your point of view.

Adam Sandler is generally a bit hit or miss for me. When he tones it down he’s pretty damned good, when he plays full on spaz it’s awful. This is for the most part toned down. He’s the goofy uncle, so a bit of spazzy kind of fits. And the fantasy sequences have input from the kids so they would be a bit stupid.

The best move they made here, though that goes away towards the end, is keeping it ambiguous as to whether the stories actually ARE having some kind of magical influence on his life. The parallels, at least the most outlandish ones like the gumball rain, have quite practical reasons for existing in the real world. The gumballs are because of a truck spilling its load. And Skeeters reaction to it all is realistic too in a world where we’ve all watched a bunch of movies with stuff like this happening in them.

It TOTALLY loses it in the last 25 minutes unfortunately. Until then the story progression is well paced. There’s a fourth wall smashing moment and then a long “everything works out” sequence. Bit disappointing, but it will be perfectly fine for the target audience which is young to pre-teen kids.

They’ll no doubt love this and there’s enough to keep the parents happy too. Nothing is really hugely annoying, even Buggy the guinea pig who seemed like a bad idea but ends out kinda cute.

It’s far from an amazing family film, but it is a good one and worth a look if you have kids. Or a niece or nephew that you have to keep entertained for a bit.

Next up: My Best Friend’s Girl

Movie 74: Surveillance

2010-03-15T16:00:00.000-07:00

Two FBI agents arrive in town investigating a serial killer case. They interview 3 witnesses, a drugged out skank, a cop and a little girl to see what happened. This is the story of the lead up, the accident and the follow up.

It’s billed as a horror but it’s actually more of a black comedy. A very black comedy for the most part. Also a fair bit of a character piece. It isn’t all that scary though, maybe tense at a few moments.

And it works for a lot of the time. The skank and her druggy boyfriends story is a bit edgy, just a bit, and has its funny moments.

Hugh “Ed from Flashpoint” Dillon and his families typical ish family vacation story line is pretty good. It’s nice to see him in some movie stuff, even if it is basically small indy fair that few will see. Unfortunately it’s a bit of miss casting though as when they are being bullied by the cops it’s a bit unbelievable. He’s a big guy, bit of a Willis type or maybe a young Michael Ironside, so he should have been able to take the guy.

The two cops are raging arseholes. Obviously bored as hell they shoot out someone’s tyre, then pull them over and torment them in horrible horrible ways. Psychologically. And its all for shits and giggles. This is where the black part of the comedy comes in. Imagine the meow scene from Super Troopers, but the cops are making you suck a gun while they do it. That’s funny to these guys.

It’s all intercut so you see bits of the story with interview pieces in between. Judging by the way that the cops from the station act the two that shoot out tires aren’t exact stand out weird for this station.

What could have been quite a decent, if predictable, film is let down a bit by the fact that it never really manages to find a steady tone. The last 25 minutes are dragged out as well and the performances fall apart a bit there. It also woefully under uses Michael Ironside who’s probably the main reason I stuck this on my “want to watch” list as I’ll watch any piece of shit with that guy in it.

The one stand out of the picture is Ryan Simpkins, the cute little blonde girl. Everyone is fine in this, she’s a bit better than fine and could have a meaty career ahead of her. For a few years anyway.

Not great, not terrible. There’s worse ways to spend 90 minutes

Next up: Bedtime Stories

Movie 73: Step Brothers

2010-03-14T09:50:00.000-07:00

Two doctors meet at a convention, they hit it off and get married. They both have sons that still live at home and are around 40. When they move in together these two guys have a hard time getting along. Hilarity ensues.

Well, it didn’t for me. Apparently it did for many others (a Facebook status saying this was shit got a fair bit of ire, a conversation on the bus with my gf had her completely agreeing with me on the shitness and the one funny bit) so maybe take this with a pinch of salt.

I will say that me not liking this didn’t have anything to do with any personal problem with the set up. I’m 30, on the day of publishing strangely enough, and I still live with my mum. It’s purely for financial reasons, though I guess if it was a shittier living arrangement I’d live in near squalor at my own place instead. Many people are in the same kind of situation now. 10 years ago these guys could have been 30 instead of 40 and it might have worked a bit better.

The problem I had was that they’re billed as losers. THAT in and of itself is perfectly fine. They are. They can’t hold down or get a job. The problem is that there’s a difference between being a slacker or a loser and being border line, if not actually, retarded which is how the characters come across. Even simple stuff like them having a beer with dinner might have helped, but they drink soda as if they were 8. I’ve never seen losers portrayed as childishly as the dudes in this film.

Essentially it looks like a very standard comedy was written with two young boys, somewhere between 8 and 14, having trouble dealing with their parents getting remarried and moving in together. No one would make it as it wasn’t all that funny. So they changed the ages on the script, threw in some more swears and a bit of plot about getting your life together, then didn’t change anything else. Cause that’s funny right?

It wasn’t. Not for me anyway. I’ve always found Will Ferrell to be hit or miss, and this missed as far as I’m concerned. Same goes for John C Reilly. And there aren’t any likeable side characters either. The dick brother is actually a full on dick head. His wife is weird as fuck. The parents are fine, but they must still be in that film with the 8-14 year olds as they don’t react the way they should most of the time.

The one funny bit comes in the credits. This is a spoiler but who the fuck cares. John C Reilly’s character is regularly bullied by some kids in a local park (yeah, that makes lots of sense. That IS a little funny btw, but plays on the retarded angle again). The two of them are beaten up in an earlier scene including poop, hahahahaha. In the credits the now successful (which happens easily for them so why the fuck didn’t it happen earlier) guys turn up in a helicopter and beat the shit out of the kids. It’s a bit like the end of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and it is pretty funny.

Unfortunately I had to sit through 90 minutes of balls to get there.

Next up: Surveillance

Movie 72: Live!

2010-03-13T08:57:00.001-08:00

The, well pretty sure it’s the present actually. This is a mockumentary following a studio program director trying to get a Russian Roulette reality show on the air, and the show itself.

What should be a damning black comedy about reality TV, the things people will do for fame and to get on TV, and how heartless networks can be. It falls a bit short of all that for a few reasons.

The good first though. A fair few of the cast members are decent actors. I’m always happy to see Jeffery Dean “Papa Winchester” Morgan in something, though he’s woefully underused here. David “Mr Universe” Krumholtz is generally good, and he has a hefty role in this as the documentary maker. And the shows contestants manage the job of mocking reality to an extent. You have a wannabe actress, a pretentious artist, an extreme sports nut and a few regular types. All bar one, Morgan’s Rick, who are basically up for shooting themselves for pretty shallow reasons.

The show is immensely popular which is also a good bit for what it set out to do, but pretty obvious. And the fact that no one at the network seems bothered about what the consequences are and just worry about ratings and advertisers seems well done.

It’s majorly let down by it’s lead actress though. Eva Mendes doesn’t have the chops to carry something like this. She’s really quite unbelievable in the role of a programme director. Plus the fact that she is so involved in making the show is a misunderstanding of what ones does. She should be a producer if anything. Heads of programming don’t MAKE shows. That’s a niggle I suppose.

The script also thinks it’s smarter than it actually is, with people spouting what should be intelligent dialogue but actually sounds like people saying things they don’t really understand. Like a child laughing at a double entendre because the adults are laughing. I say people, but its mainly Mendes’ character. Not really her failing though, I believe that one sits squarely with the writers. The jump from current reality programming to someone killing themselves on the air isn’t believable either. They go from a Russian show where you have to avoid the police in a stolen car to this. There should have been a more logical progression.

It also left a few questions un-answered for me. This is a bit spoilery so I’ll just say its worth a look but not searching for if you don’t want spoiled.

What happens if the first person shoots themselves in the head? Your shows over. And MORE importantly what happens if you get through the first five contestant and there’s no loser? Does the 6th person HAVE to shoot themselves? If this was my movie I’d have had it get to this point, have the crowd baying for blood and have Mendes come out as the voice of reason (finally) then end with her shooting herself. Shocking ending, much more damning than what actually happens which I won’t bother telling you about.

Short of the mark then, but not too shabby.

Next up: Step Brothers

Movie 71: Green Street 2: Stand Your Ground

2010-03-12T15:17:00.000-08:00

Some members of the GSE were banged up after the end of the last film, and find themselves transferred to a prison with their Millwall (I think) rivals. The bad guys are teamed up with a corrupt screw who makes hell for our…ahem…heroes. A decent guard tries to help them out, as does some Russian mafia (again I think) members who compete with them for business.

A direct to DVD sequel that doesn’t feature the main characters from the first film? Bound to be awesome. Apparently the characters in this were part of the original crew. At one point they recount a bit of the first film so I’ll take their word for it as I can’t really remember.

This wouldn’t be that bad a film if the script didn’t sound like it was written by a 16 year old. Guys acting all hard and saying cunt every 5 words does not a good script make. Also if you worry that there hasn’t been a fight scene for 3 minutes just wait an extra minute and one will turn up. If you like seeing idiots hit each other a lot this is the film for you. In 90 minutes there must be 6287613 fights.

Well I say fights. The majority of the time its one guy hitting another guy while he takes the beating, then maybe hits back. And a few times its really hard to see who is who as one bald idiot with a goatee looks like another one.

This also features probably the least subtle corrupt prison officer you will ever see in a film. Marina Siritis, yes Councillor Troi from Star Trek, plays a woman guard who swears a lot and gets people hit in front of cameras a lot. Her character doesn’t even try to be subtle about being a bitch. And I’d say her scenes are among the worst.

It’s not really her fault though. In fact its not really most of the actors faults, they all do a decent enough job with what they’re given but its so badly written that it doesn’t matter. There’s moments, but it’s just moments. The best characters are the Russians and they are under used.

It also has a pretty good old school punk soundtrack. The problem is that the punk tunes appear at random and for no real purpose. I’d skip the movie and try and find the sound track if you like head bangy stompy punk music.

I didn’t expect much and I got pretty much what I expected. It’s actually a bit better than I set myself up for, but not by much.

Next up: Live!

Movie 70: Pink Panther 2

2010-03-11T17:16:00.000-08:00

Steve Martin returns as Inspector Jacques Clouseau. An international dream team of detectives is formed to try and catch a master thief, The Tornado, who is stealing priceless artefacts from around the world including the pink panther diamond. Clouseau is chosen to represent France as it’s top detective after the events of the first movie. For some reason.

I’m going to say something I didn’t think I’d say now. I’d welcome a Pink Panther 3.

I can remember laughing once during the first film, and only wance. The hamburger scene. You can search on You Tube if you haven’t seen it. That was genuinely funny. The rest of the film was pretty damned awful. This……wasn’t.

I may have been an easier audience this time. It might be because I had low expectations and expected to hate it. But it has plenty of laughs. This isn’t the common consensus but comedy is subjective.

It’s not overly clever, I worked out any twists before they happened. The humour is generally broad slapstick. And the weak point of the film is still Martin’s overly hammed Clouseau, the worst scenes are when he has to completely carry them, but it’s a VAST improvement over the first.

I don’t have any particular fondness for the originals btw. I don’t think I’ve seen a whole Pink Panther movie, which I know is a shame. I do like Sellers a lot. I did watch a fair few of the Rinky Dink Panther’s cartoon shows and seem to remember liking them. So if you’re a big fan of the old ones the deep abiding hatred might still be there for this as I doubt it’s on par.

There’s some decent slapstick, some alright verbal humour, John Cleese being funny John Cleese, and comedy foils Alfred Molina and Andy Garcia doing a great job at being more or less straight men (the sparing between Clouseau and Garcia’s Vicenzo does provide a few of the laughs though). It’s a not bad film. Not amazing, but not bad.

I doubt you have to suffer the first, just watch the amburgarrrrrrrr scene, to get the deal with this one. Though I will admit I could be wrong on this one.

Next up: Green Street 2. Heard that’s meant to be shite too.

Movie 69: The Librarian: The Curse Of The Judas Chalice

2010-03-10T15:24:00.000-08:00

In the third film in the TV adventure serious Flynn has had enough and is near nervous breakdown. His girlfriend has left him and he’s just generally on edge, so gets some vacation time. After having a strange dream he heads to New Orleans on vacation and ends up embroiled in the hunt for another mythical artefact. Some people just can’t get a break from work. Ask Jessica Fletcher.

You’d think it would be a case of diminishing returns but that’s not…uh the case. Bad sentence that. This is actually an improvement on the second and possibly the first film.

Instead of the globe hoping adventure of King Solomon the action takes us to the Big Easy and that’s it. Ordinarily this would mean a whole butt load of voodoo and nothing much else. Refreshingly there’s only a tiny touch of voodoo, and even that barely impacts on the story. What we have here is a vampire story.

Classic vampires too. Scared of crosses, staked by Aspen, came from Judas. The bad guys of the film are a group of Russians who want the good old cold war days back and plan to resurrect ol’ Vlad the Impaler to help them do it. The Judas Chalice is the vampire version of the Holy Grail so Flynn has to beat them to it. Strangely enough, with the help of a vampire.

And it’s a good vampire movie. A PG one sure, but with well rounded characters that stick to the mythos that they set up.

This is aided by having a damned fine side cast. The love interest/assistant of this movie is played ably by Stana Katic, the female lead from Castle. A very good actress. Bruce Davison (senator Kelly in the X-Men films, one of the best bits of the recent Knight Rider series and a whole lot of other stuff) has an important supporting role that I won’t go in to too much. Both have surprisingly non-cheesy accents.

The Russian bad guys are pretty generic Russian bad guys, but not in a terrible way. And a stand out is Flynn’s guide who unfortunately I can’t find on IMDB. He’s a happy Creole taxi driver who has a million “cousins” who can help out with pretty much anything you could want or need. A little light comic relief and Nawlins flavour.

Flynn himself is a bit like Peter Parker when he doesn’t want to be Spider-Man here. He’s sick of the library and being a librarian, but finds his purpose again and cheers up. He’s not as mopey as I’m making him sound, but there are some actual genuine tender moments here.

Some good holiday weekend entertainment then. I don’t know if you’d HAVE to see the first two, but they expand on the established universe a bit too and I doubt you’d be lost.

Next up: (God help me) Pink Panther 2. The Steve Martin one. Merde.

Movie 68: The Librarian: Return To King Solomon’s Mines

2010-03-09T15:40:00.001-08:00

This is a sequel and a TV movie so I’ll recap the premise a bit too.

Flynn Carsen is a bookish young man, a professional student, with 22 degrees. He gets a job for the Metropolitan Public Library and its not all it seems. The Librarian doesn’t just stack books, he’s tasked with finding and protecting ancient powerful artefacts. So it’s like Indiana Jones meets Warehouse 13.

In the first instalment it’s the Spear of Destiny. In the second film it’s a hunt for King Solomon’s Mines to protect its secrets and find the book of Solomon. In an added twist Flynn already has a connection to the secret via his father. He’s aided by Emily Davenport, played by Fiona from Burn Notice.

The series is cheesy as hell, but I find them quite entertaining. This is a bit of a step down from the first one but still relatively decent. Your looking at mainly actors who are on hiatus from TV shows or are regular guest stars all over the place, cheap and cheerful CGI and thrown together fight scenes

Nothing remarkable then. In fact it does sort of come across as a fan film to Indy. The start of the movie finds Flynn on another mission and it’s to find the Crystal Skull. These 10 minutes are actually possibly a little better than the 4th Jones movie. Their treatment of the skull mythology is anyway, at least it’s a bloody HUMAN skull this time.

I’m pretty sure TNT made these as family adventures too, and this is enough to keep the kids entertained on a public holiday for a couple of hours. Flynn, a bit like Macgyver, uses his book learning to help himself out of some tricky spots but not quite as much as I would have liked. The script didn’t seem to be as smart as it wanted to be and they might have gone for too big a story.

And Jonathan Frakes shoots it’s adequately, he’s a good TV director.

If you see the first one The Librarian: The Quest For The Spear on the telly then give it a look. If you like it, you’ll probably like this. And I’ll be rounding out the so far trilogy tomorrow as

Next up: The Librarian: The Curse Of The Judas Chalice

They seem to come along every 2 years so maybe there’ll be another one before 10 is done. However, wikipedia indicates that it was headed for theatres last year but there’s nothing since and I can’t remember hearing anything about that. As you can see they stick to the biblical themes, just like the Indy series. Hopefully they’ll keep that up if they do make another one as we saw what happened when they made a change there

Movie 67: Cloverfield

2010-03-08T12:47:00.000-08:00

Rob is leaving for Japan as he has a new job. His friends are throwing a surprise party for him, and documenting it on video. The a giant monster attacks the city and they have to try and survive

Another in the “found footage shakycam” genre, though this is the only monster movie entry as far as I’m aware, it could quite easily have been called ipecac the movie. Image walking in to the theatre to see the new Godzilla film, then the guy behind you decides to shake your seat constantly for the whole thing. Plus there are periodic earthquakes. THAT is Cloverfield.

It’s a brilliant idea, see what a monster movie is like from a normal persons point of view as if you were there, but it’s so damned shaky. I actually stopped watching about 30-45 minutes in because I felt sick. It could have been that I’m just feeling a bit dodgy today, but I felt okay until then.

I am a bit delicate when it comes to this stuff. I can’t really play FPS games any more after an incident with Half Life. It autosaves, and there’s one bit where I had to drop down a hole and land in a pool of water. If you miss the pool you die. It saved right at the drop point, so over and over again I had to watch a spinning death. I had to step away from the PC for a bit as I was very very dizzy. I did manage to continue, but I couldn’t play for very long after that.

Cloverfield is similar at times.

The acting is fine enough though I didn’t really care about the characters much even though they did make some effort to set it up. The monster looked ridiculous and JJ Abrams should have tried to secure some Godzilla rights. The influence of Godzilla, the originals, is pretty obvious as the monster eats people and the army are more or less powerless to stop it. Plus the music over the end credits has a very Japanese monster movie feel and the only other famous city smashing monster I can think of is Gomorra. That’s probably why what looked like an asian guy babbles incoherently at them at one point too.

If shaky cam is likely to make you puke, don’t bother watching the film. If it isn’t then check it out as it is pretty enjoyable. I would like some kind of sequel to this, maybe one that’s not as mental camera wise, to find out a few unexplained things. Maybe a United 93 style drama that shows how the government is responding and the action could be on TVs only. I’d really like to know why being bitten makes you explode for one thing….

Next up: The Librarian: Return To King Solomon’s Mines

Macgyver’s Oscar Round Up

2010-03-08T06:59:00.001-08:00

Like I said in my last post, I didn’t end up watching the ceremony. I slept instead. Lots. Anyway, lets see how I did

Actor In a Leading Role – Jeff Bridges - Got it!
Actor In A Supporting Role – Christoph Waltz - Got it!
Actress In A Leading Role – Sandra Bullok - Missed it. Oscar was wrong on this one frankly
Actress In A Supporting Role – Mo’Nique - Got it!
Animated Feature Film – Up - Missed it. Up was my second choice though so I’m fine with this
Art Direction – Avatar - Missed it. I may have misunderstood the role of an art director though and Avatar is deserving of technical Oscars.
Cinematography – Avatar - Missed it. Another techy one.
Costume Design – The Young Victoria – Missed it. The kind of win that annoys me a little as they just have to copy clothes from the period, but I’m not mad about this win.
Directing – The Hurt Locker – Got it! Completely agree!
Documentary Feature – The Cove – Got it!
Film Editing – The Hurt Locker – Missed it. I was attempting not to have a big sweep in my picks.
Foreign Language Film – El Secreto De Sus Ojos – Got it! Well done Oscar! I saw Mark Kermode talking on the BBC News and he says he hasn’t seen it/didn’t know about it. Give me his fucking job, at least I put the effort in…
Markeup – Star Trek – Got it!
Music (Original Score) – Up – Missed it. I rolled the dice for this one though
Music (Original Song) – The Weary Kind – Got it!
Best Picture – The Hurt Locker – Got it! REALLY happy that this one got the double
Short Film (Animated) Logorama – Missed it, but I didn’t see the nominees so that’s fine
Sound Editing – The Hurt Locker – Missed it, another dice roll.
Sound Mixing – The Hurt Locker – Missed it, and this proves that redundant Oscar is redundant
Visual Effects – Avatar – Got it! No brainer really
Writing (Adapted Screenplay) – Precious – Missed it, so did they. In The Loop was better but as I said in my long posts no one knew what it was over there.
Writing (Original Screenplay) – The Hurt Locker – Missed it, avoiding the sweep and giving Up this instead of Animated Picture.

Overall – 10/22

Not my best year. I know I got about 15 or 16 last year. Still I’m pretty happy with how it all played out. No back to watching nothing but shite!

Macgyver’s Oscar Picks

2010-03-07T15:20:00.001-08:00

This is where I would give the little golden baldies. It’s not what the Academy will do, but we’ll see how I match up. Don’t blame me if you place bets and lose money

In the order from the website:

Actor In A Leading Role – Jeff Bridges
Actor In A Supporting Role – Christoph Waltz
Actress In A Leading Role – Carey Mulligan
Actress In A Supporting Role – Mo’Nique
Animated Feature Film – The Princess And The Frog
Art Direction – The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnasus
Cinematography – The Hurt Locker
Costume Design – Nine
Directing – The Hurt Locker
Documentary – The Cove
Film Editing – District 9
Foreign Language Film – The Secret In Their Eyes (El Secreto De Sus Ojos)
Makeup – Star Trek
Music (Original Score) – I skipped, but I’ll say Sherlock Holmes
Music (Original Song) – The Weary Kind
Best Picture – The Hurt Locker
Short Film (Animated) – A Matter of Load And Death
Sound Editing – Star Trek
Sound Mixing – Inglorious Basterds
Visual Effects – Avatar
Writing (Adapted Screenplay) – In The Loop
Writing (Original Screenplay) – Up

And that’s it. I’ll be happy if I get 15 out of 22 on that, I’m pretty sure I’ve got 8 in the bag. We’ll see tomorrow. Alas there’ll be no live tweeting of the Oscars. Getting up early 7 days on the trot, drinking a bunch last night and getting about 6 hours sleep, fighting sleep in the car back (I wasn’t driving) and all of that jazz means I won’t make it. I’m half a day walker now, for the first Oscars in 4 or 5 years, so I’m not used to the hours. Not that I watched it every year in that period, but being on late shift helped…

It’ll be nowt but reviews after the round up post btw, don’t worry :)

Road to the Oscars Part 8: Best Mother Crushing Picture

2010-03-07T15:07:00.001-08:00

The big award that got twice as big this year because they want ratings or something!

Best Picture

Avatar = Nope. Looks good but it’s a remake of Pocahontas and a hundred other films. If this wasn’t so shiny and had been made by someone else it wouldn’t be near this category
The Blind Side = essentially a made for TV movie about how nice some white folks can be, with Sandra Bullock. Don’t know why this is here.
District 9 = Good on the Oscars! Extremely well made for the cost, a smart story, original to a certain extent though its not an all new idea, damned fine sci fi.
An Education = Yeah it was pretty good, not one of my favourites though
The Hurt Locker = Best live action movie I’ve seen in 3 months. Great stuff.
Inglorious Basterds = Damned good Quentin Tarantino fair. Smart dialogue, well acted, crazy story, Nazi’s.
Precious = Bleak as fuck so you’d expect Oscar to like it.
A Serious Man = Quirky Coen goodness. Found it very enjoyable.
Up = It’s Pixar, you don’t have to say much more than that. The lamp bouncing on to the screen earns their movies 4 stars. Good that they keep trying this hard after this many pictures
Up In The Air = Sure why not? It was pretty good, but I don’t know if it would be in my top ten

That’s what this basically is now huh? Hollyweirds Top Ten list. I would LOVE if The Hurt Locker walked off with this and Directing, but I think that Avatar will probably get it. For James Cameron has decreed that’s what his choice would be. There won’t be any serious upsets here, the only other one I could see winning would be Precious, but it’ll be blue cats over black inner city turmoil incest rape.

Last post to come which is just a round up of my picks. Bet your glad to hear that huh?

Road to the Oscars Part 7: Documentary (Feature), Foreign Language Film and Directing

2010-03-07T14:58:00.001-08:00

Nearly done with all that. I’ve decided not to bother doing the score and original song. Crazy Heart will win the later one, though it could be something from Princess and the Frog. I have no idea on the score though. Didn’t have time to check out the shorts and I couldn’t see them all anyway. I’d have been going by plot descriptions and maybe trailers for the most part. I’ll give Aardman my pic for short cartoon.

Documentary (Feature)

Burma VJ = Powerful stuff about something that’s been sidelined in the news even though the situation is still shit to worse.
The Cove = Really really horrible, to the extent that I cried a bit. It’s also a very well made doc showing how they got the terrible (in content) footage. In a way this is kind of a making of, but it’s a doc so that’s fine.
Food, Inc = While it has an important message, it’s not exactly one that people are ignorant of
I didn’t see “The Most Dangerous Man In America” or “Which Way Home”

Has to be The Cove. It’s the best made of the 3 I saw, though Burma does have to work with what they’ve got. Food Inc was the food version of An Inconvenient Truth in tone, though thankfully without the Al Gore biography stuff. The Cove earned it.

Foreign Language Film

Ajami = Didn’t see
The Milk of Sorrow (La Teta Asustada) = Load of bizarre arse about a mentally disturbed woman with a tattie in her bajingo. No thanks.
A Prophet (Un Prophete) = Decent prison drama that has a unique ish “crime does kinda pay” message to it. Not as hard hitting as it should have been, everything is just a bit too easy
The Secret In Their Eyes (El Secreto De Sus Ojos) = I really really liked this. It’s literally the only one I’ve recommended, and I’ve done that a lot, to people and most of that is because of that amazing scene half way through.
The White Ribbon (Das Weisse Band) = As exciting as the title sounds. Load of incredibly boring arse with no likeable characters or human emotion on display. No wonder these kids will end up being Nazi’s in 20 years…

My choice is pretty easy, The Secret In Their Eyes was by far my favourite followed by A Prophet. I did want to see Ajami as I think I’ll like that too, but never mind. I have a horrible feeling that The White Ribbon will win for some reason, though I hope it’ll be A Prophet as I don’t think Eyes is in with a shot unfortunately.

Directing

Avatar = Jim Bob might have made a fuck load of money, but as far as Directing goes I consider this the only animated movie in the category. Not saying he’s a bad director though
The Hurt Locker = Fucking amazing film, damned fine job
Inglorious Basterds = It’s QT, who doesn’t like QT
Precious: Yadda Yadda = Yeah sure why not
Up In The Air = Fine enough stuff from Egon’s kid.

Hurt Locker Hurt Locker Hurt Locker. If it doesn’t win it’s a travesty, particularly if Avatar does. Basterds should get a script not if anything, Up In The Air might get an acting one but I didn’t find it hugely remarkable, Precious will probably get something but I can’t remember what…

One last post like this, the biggie, Best God Damned Picture Over All And We List The Guys Who Work Out The Money For Some Reason

Road to the Oscars Part 6: Writing (Adapted Screenplay) and Writing (Original Screenplay)

2010-03-07T14:41:00.001-08:00

90% of whether a film is good or not

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

District 9 = I’d agree with this if it wasn’t for the fact that the main characters dialogue is mostly improvised. The story was good though. It was adapted from a short film on the same subject
An Education = I’m assuming its an adapted play? Pretty decent yeah
In The Loop = this film SOUNDS and feels improvised, but it wasn’t. The dialogue is fantastic. Very much deserves the Oscar. Adapted from the TV show they made before I suggested it should be a TV show in my review.
Precious: BLARGHABLOO = Push was a sci fi novel and this is nothing like it. Honestly I can’t say how well adapted it is, but the story was strong enough
Up In The Air = yeah sure why not

In an ideal world In The Loop would walk away with this. Unfortunately no one in the US has a clue what it is so it won’t. Which is a damned shame. I don’t have an academy membership, maybe one day, but I make the effort to see as many of the films as I can before spouting my opinion. I’d like District 9 to win because the story is good, but In The Loop will get it

Writing (Original Screenplay)

The Hurt Locker = I love this movie so hell yeah
Inglorious Basterds = Very clever as you’d expect from QT. Smart dialogue, interesting characters, good stuff.
The Messenger = They researched the hell out of this and it shows as the characters come across as very authentic. Character pieces hang on two things, the performance and the script. The Messenger works on both of those counts
A Serious Man = This is good Coen, so deserves a nod. Smart, kind of weird, a bit twisty.
Up = Hell of a story from Pixar. Some brave choices for a kids cartoon. Just the first 10 minutes of this was a great movie.

Fuck this is a hard category. Not a single one of these films is shit. I kind of want to go for The Hurt Locker, but its not an easy choice. I’ll give it to…Up as they won’t get one of the others its up for.

Still to come: Documentary Film, Best Director, Best Picture, probably the music and I’ll try and do the shorts though I haven’t seen any yet. Wait, saw the Aardman one at Christmas.